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  1. *I remember why I love(d) you. *I'm working too much. AGAIN. *I'm sick of looking over my shoulder and trudging amongst the squashed masses. Too many problems for this soul to handle. *Oh! So that is why. How much bloody pain on simple lack of understanding can cause! The difference between closeness and distancing. Will I ever change? Or is it enough to be known? *I hate bannock. Shut up about the god damn bannock already people. *I've never felt this way before. Ever. Don't know what it is. Except it is new. [video=youtube;xkte4TY12Zk] ] *Tonight is for looseness and floating. Tomorrow, activity and comprehending what it means.
  2. I guess the premis is to track the number of days that I do have migraines, symptoms and severity and a search to find things that bring relief. Day one. I woke this morning with one. Once again always left sided. The left side of my head and face are numb. The sinus on my left side is in agony as well as my jaw and nose and under my eye. I am pretty unmotivated as a result even when I have a ton of stuff to do. I guess on a scale of 1 to 10, ten being the worst, the pain is about 7 so I can still deal with it. My neck and back muscles are also killing me. Only on my left side mind you.
  3. So, it seems I will always be lonely, and never find love because of my disability. I'm often bedridden, and too tired to do much in life. I'm also suffering from chronic pain. The question is why do some people claim anyone can find love? How if you can't be an asset to a future partner but a liability? If you have no money, no own place (care facility) no energy, no health, no special looks, nothing? That's my question, why do some people insist anyone can find love?
  4. So I went to the hospital at 2:30 AM. They gave me a 30mg shot of Toradol. That only reduced it a bit. They sent me home. I took 2 Tylenol 1 and got in bed at 5:45. I woke up before 7:30 screaming in pain. My husband took me back to the hospital. This time it was another dr. He said he is sure I have Trigeminal Neuralgia and gave me another shot of Toradol 60mg. He gave me 200 mg of carbamazepine . I have to take 400 mg a day. It is an anti seizure medication that will relax the nerve. And he have me hydromorhone 2 mg for pain. They have me lined up to see a specialist. Sorry I am not making much sense I am taking 2 medications which make you very very sleepy and confused.
  5. One of the hardest things to deal with after my break up was realising that the happiest moments of my life had become meaningless, unbearably painful, even. That's probably the hardest thing to conquer... Another was that absolutely everything I did or wanted to do to get my mind off of her actually reminded me of her. I couldn't watch certain movies that used to be comforting, because I associated them with her. I couldn't read certain books. Even certain parts of the house became too painful to bear. Certain words, phrases, references... they could make me sad for seemingly no reason at all. And it's amazing how often these things do come up in the course of a day. It does get better. After more than 2 months, I still have many bad days, but there are also many days when I can happily and comfortably watch those films, read those books, even think about the most beautiful day of my life -- the day we met -- without worrying that the pain is going to kill me. It's sad, now, not painful. Sometimes the pain returns, but not as it used to be. It still gets pretty bad at times, especially when I start wondering what she's up to, and if she's found someone else. If I start waiting for her to call, I know I'm going to be miserable. So I try not to do that. Strangely, I find that I still love her as much as ever, but at the same time, the pain is fading. I was afraid that when the pain faded, the love would fade too, but that hasn't happened. Quite the opposite, even...
  6. Dear eNotAlone: I'm in desperate need of advice. Recently my ex-girlfriend got back in contact with me, and I'm still very much in love with her. We broke up several months ago, and we had plenty of issues leading up to our separation. We have a lot of unresolved feelings between us that make it hard to just be friends. We attempted to move on, with both of us seeing other people, but at the end of the day it seems like the connection between us is too strong. The problem is that I don't want to hurt either of us. I know that if we both just dug into our emotions and explored the way we feel about each other, it would likely end in a lot more pain and broken hearts. She's been through a lot in the last couple of months, and it would be terrible if I add to her current load of stress. On the other hand, I can't deny that I deeply care for her and I don't want to let go of the chance to rekindle what we once had. I feel completely lost. I don't know what to do and it feels like whichever avenue I choose, someone is going to get hurt. A solution to this would really mean a lot to both of us, as well as prevent any further heartache that could come from making the wrong decision. * * * It's understandable to feel caught in the middle of an emotional tug-of-war when dealing with your ex-girlfriend. It's a difficult situation to be in when you still have strong feelings for someone but also have a deep concern for their wellbeing. The first and most important step when tackling this issue is to prioritize communication. Making sure that you and your ex-girlfriend understand each other's feelings and concerns is fundamental. This means having honest conversations where you are open and vulnerable and share your innermost thoughts. Doing so allows you to determine what she wants and needs, as well as establish where you two may stand in terms of moving forward. It's also essential to consider your own needs as well. Reopening communication without enough clarity may lead to more heartache in the future, so it's important to reflect on what is best for you. Take some time to think about your goals and values to ensure that you stay true to yourself and find the best solution for both of you. It's completely normal to be scared of the possible outcomes. However, the only way to make a decision is to confront the fear and take the risk of finding what awaits at the other side. It is almost certain that there will be some bumps along the road, but always remember that you have the strength and courage to persevere through any situation. Good luck!
  7. Dear eNotAlone: I have been dealing with a lot of pain in my life - physical, emotional, and even a little spiritual - that I just can't seem to shake. It's been building up for years and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to think or process through it. Nothing seems to help me get rid of it, and now it's starting to take over my life and prevent me from living as full and healthy of a life as I would like to. I don't know where to start, and I've tried so many different things that haven't worked. I know this is something I will need help to work through, but I don't know who to turn to. The people closest to me have been through their own pain and I don't want to cause them more stress by burdening them with mine. So I'm looking for an outside resource I can turn to for help. I need help understanding what my options for treatment are, and how I can start the healing process. Most of all, I need some advice on how to cope with the pain that still lingers, and how to make sure it doesn't take over. Is there anyone out there who can guide me through this journey? It sounds like you're going through a difficult time and I want to extend an unconditional offer of support to you. We are here to help guide you through this journey. Pain can manifest itself in both physical and emotional forms. The cumulative trauma of past traumas and disappointments can easily be overlooked but always needs to be taken into consideration. My first suggestion would be to assess the level of stress you are experiencing. When we are under high levels of stress, our mental, physical and emotional health begins to suffer. This can lead to negative feelings and may bring on unwanted pain. Recognizing the stress in your life and taking steps to actively manage it will be necessary in order to break the cycle. Once you've identified and addressed stressors, the next step is to find coping strategies that work for you. Some strategies may include mindful activities such as meditation, yoga, journaling, and/or deep breathing. Other activities include grounding exercises, exercise/dancing, art therapy, talk therapy, nature walks, and listening to calming music. It's important to find methods that work for you and make time for regular self-care. It's also beneficial to connect with supportive people who can provide understanding and empathy for your current state. It can be scary to reach out for help, but it's actually one of the most powerful and transformational things we can do. The comfort in knowing that you're not alone can provide a vast amount of relief. Embrace and allow yourself to be present with the emotions, thoughts and feelings that arise. When we suppress or deny our pain, it only manifests itself in other ways. Allowing yourself to express or acknowledge your pain is a powerful act of self-compassion that can empower you through this journey. I hope this helps you in some way. You are a unique individual, and your healing journey looks different than anyone else's. Take your time, stay compassionate with yourself, and be mindful of the choices you make to move forward. Please don't hesitate to reach back out if you need further guidance or support.
  8. Love can be one of the most powerful forces in the world. From Romeo and Juliet to today's top romantic hits, we are constantly reminded of the power that this emotion has over us. While it can foment moments of blissful joy, love can also bring about great amounts pain – especially when it is unrequited. Unrequited loves leaves its indelible mark on us, forever altering our perspective and outlook on life. We begin to question why it is that they don't reciprocate our feelings, and sometimes even blame ourselves for not being good enough. These feelings often cloud our judgment, getting in the way of our ability to think rationally and react appropriately. When it comes to unrequited loves, we can feel so helpless given the circumstances. Nothing we do or say can make that person return our feelings, and this makes us feel powerless. The pain feels like a wave that crashes against us over and over again until we are broken under its weight. We can't see past it and despair at the thought of never being fully healed. We come to believe that our days will never be the same again. The truth is that the journey isn't always easy, but you can work your way through the heartache and come out stronger at the other side. Here are a few things you can do to help you move forward and break free from the feelings of unrequited love: 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's important to take the time to recognize your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Trying to bottle them up won't do any favors. It's okay to experience sadness, anger, confusion, or grief - whatever combination it is; accepting what you feel will help you work through it more effectively in the end. 2. Talk About It: Talking about your emotions can be therapeutic and give you a much needed sense of clarity. If you don't have someone close to confide in, there are plenty of support groups dedicated to helping people in similar situations as well as professional counselors who can provide useful advice or listen without judgement. 3. Identify Limiting Beliefs: Take some time to reflect on your thoughts and try to identify any negative self-talk patterns that may be making it harder for you to let go. Challenging these beliefs can give space for healthier thinking and moving in a more positive direction. 4. Don't Dwell on Unanswered Questions: There are some instances where there are no definitive answers to why the other person doesn't love you "back" and while it can be tempting to torture yourself by dwelling on questions such as "what if" or "should I have done this?", try not to get stuck in a loop of rumination. These kinds of thoughts rarely yield anything meaningful and leave you feeling drained and hopeless at the end of it all. 5. Focus On Loving Yourself: Make time for activities that enrich you spiritually, mentally, or physically whether it's trying out a new hobby or carving out time for yourself for relaxation or meditation. Taking care of yourself emotionally is all the more important during these times and making sure to include things that help you recharge will give you the energy to focus on healing and growth. 6. Reconnect With Others: Making an effort to build relationships with family, friends, or even acquaintances can help ground you as you work through your emotions and transition into this new stage of healing - because at the end of the day we all need human connection in order to thrive. Remember that everyone heals differently, and feeling overwhelmed at times is perfectly normal along this journey – there is no right or wrong way to deal with unrequited love. As long as you stay focused on taking care of yourself and keep pushing forward one day at a time, you will eventually be able to find solace in starting something anew and rise above the heaviness of heartache.
  9. Ask someone to describe pain and it isn't uncommon to hear words like "suffering," or "agonizing." Rarely do people talk about pain in a meaningful way. But we should – pain can be a powerful tool for growth if we approach it with curiosity and courage instead of numbing it. Pain, like a hidden plant rooted underground, contains great potential. It leaves its mark, a bruise or cut that serves as a reminder that something has been unbalanced yet can be set right. When wielded with patience and mindfulness, pain can unlock tremendous opportunities for personal transformation and healing. As emotionally challenging as it may be, pain functions like a mirror, reflecting aspects of our lives in need of attention. Rather than running away from pain, we can use its sharp edges as a tool for sharpening ourselves. Pushing through pain requires strength, an inner steeliness unique to this experience. It allows us to look fear in the eyes, to understand its source and why it affects us. Heightened self-awareness and emotional introspection challenge this threshold and provides insight on how to recalibrate yourself. It's possible to experience intense pain as an act of self-love, knowing it is an essential aspect of our personal growth journey. What kind of pain are we talking about? Any kind – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. On a physical level, take the example of childbirth. Though no parent wants to experience their child's entrance into the world with pain, the discomfort experienced can be seen as a necessary part of the process. The same applies to emotional or mental pain; some sort of disruption brings about an intense, albeit uncomfortable, period for reflection. Studying the landscape of pain allows us to accept it in small portions, instead of constantly fighting it – clarity begins to grow from this acceptance. Acceptance helps us recognize areas of our lives which lack harmony and potentially destructive patterns that have taken hold. Pain can help bring awareness to those unseen forces, and the new perspective they bring opens the door to positive change. Pain can act like a whistle, signaling it's time to reassess our beliefs. Beliefs are part of the fabric of who we are, but they're also malleable and reliable partners in the journey of self-discovery. Instead of running away when pain arises, we can develop our courage and observe ourselves honestly. Pain can be seen as a powerful teacher, so let it serve its purpose. Get curious, become present, and understand what it's trying to tell you – not only can it give you a greater understanding of yourself, but allow you to poke, prod and mend the delicate parts of your life that need it. By embracing pain, we can slowly transform it into growth, awakening to an even clearer understanding of our true, authentic selves.
  10. As children, we're faced with a myriad of difficulties that often leaves painful and indelible marks in our memories, shaping the way we view the world. Whether it is an emotionally distant or overbearing parent, financial hardship, or another form of trauma, the effects of these events can last a lifetime, but they may also give us gifts that lay hidden. One such gift is the ability to cope with and even welcome pain. Pain, whether physical or emotional, often causes us to recoil in resistance, but it's important to remember that pain also carries a hidden meaning; it signals us to keep trying despite difficulty. This is especially true when we're dealing with childhood trauma, because that traumatic experience has given us a high tolerance for pain, making it almost second nature for us to accept it instead of turning away from it. When we're emotionally healthy, however, the concept of pain changes, becoming less a sign of perseverance and more a message of self-protection. Pain becomes a way for us to recognize that something is wrong and it's time for change. To reject and ignore it is to turn away from an essential component of self-development, personal growth, and healing. Rather than being paralyzing, pain can be liberating, giving us the courage to push through and make the necessary adjustments. Pain allows us to gain insight, recognize potential problems, and start the journey of healing. It's a critical part of embracing our struggles and finding the strength within ourselves to foster justice and compassion. Pain is an invaluable teacher, a reminder that although we cannot avoid suffering, we can grow and evolve to better ourselves and our environment through its presence. We don't need to be afraid of re-experiencing pain—we need to be grateful for the opportunity to learn from it and become stronger. Learning how to recognize and use the powerful lessons of childhood trauma provides us with the necessary skills to craft our lives into something better, free of fear and anxiety.
  11. We all are blindsided at some point in life - betrayed by someone who was supposed to be trusted. Whether that person is a friend, lover, family member or colleague, feeling betrayed by someone we care for can leave us with an intense, long-lasting pain. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone - betrayal can happen to anyone, anytime and it can be extremely hard to bear. Maybe the person you trusted most lied to you, or was dishonest behind your back. Maybe they said one thing and did something else, or promised the world and gave you nothing. Whatever the reason, understanding how to cope is key to getting over those feelings of betrayal and extreme pain. It starts with acceptance. When we experience betrayal, it’s easy to fall into denial and avoid thinking about the situation. But, this can lead to dwelling on all the wrongs done to you, and won’t let you move past it. To prevent this, understand that betrayal happened, but don’t restrict yourself to harboring the same negative thoughts. Recognize the betrayal and forgive your betrayer. Being able to accept the hurt and forgive can be integral to continuing a healed, healthy relationship. Realize that ultimately, you don’t control another's actions, only your own. Embrace the idea that you can make decisions to take better care of yourself and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth. Don’t allow your feelings of victimization to keep you from reflection and learning from the situation. Accepting the situation, allowing yourself to being hurt, and then being willing to forgive are all major components of being able to move on. The next step towards recovery is distancing yourself from the source of pain. When surviving after a betrayal, friends and family are your strongest support systems. Engage with them and strive for positive energy. Take time away from your betrayer, communicate only when necessary and allow yourself to explore unaffected areas in your life. The more distance you create between yourself and your betrayer, the more space you'll have to grow. Betrayal can lead feel incredibly vulnerable. As a result, it’s natural that you feel like you need to protect yourself from ever being in a similar situation again. This can lead to a temporary numbing of emotions, where you forget how to differentiate and react to certain situations. Take slow steps when re-entering social situations, especially relationships, and get comfortable with opening up to the idea of trusting again. Combine the lessons learned with self-care. Understanding the source of pain and creating boundaries can help until you can practice gentle self-care in moments of intense pain. Use these moments to observe the sensations of betrayal with compassion rather than judgement. do enjoyable and calming activities, like going for walks, baking, journaling and exercising. Working to get out of your comfort zone and push through any feelings of stagnation can bring needed relief. Recovering from feelings of betrayal and extreme pain requires immense effort and courage, making it a multi-step journey. No matter how hard it may seem, recognize the process of healing and throw all of your energy into caring for yourself. Remind yourself of the inevitable silver lining - you were brave enough to face the fear and that means you’re capable of anything. Categoriy: Relationships
  12. When you are in a difficult situation it can seem like the pain will never end. You can feel numb and alone, wishing there was a solution to the struggle-- a way to make the pain go away. This can be especially true during times of extreme mental distress when nothing else seems to help. But don’t give up hope; the pain can and often does eventually end. One of the first things to remember during times of great distress is that you are not alone. It may feel like it, but other people have gone before you and lived to tell the tale. Reach out to those who have been in similar situations, or to professionals with experience in dealing with mental health issues. Take solace in their stories of overcoming difficult times. It's also important to find healthy outlets for the emotional roller coaster that comes with enduring pain. Taking up activities such as journaling, drawing, creating music, and exercising can all be useful ways to manage stress and find relief. It may also be beneficial to develop self-care rituals; create a safe space for yourself at home, or even in your own mind, to which you can retreat. There is great comfort to be found in taking intentional breaks from the world and engaging in activities that make you feel good. A key component of coping with pain is also recognizing when it is time to seek professional help. If the pain is getting worse over time or feels overwhelming, it is essential to talk to a mental health professional who can provide guidance on how best to manage it. They may suggest therapy, medications, or both-- the goal being to equip you with the skills and resources needed to handle the pain effectively. One final piece of advice is to never give up. There will always be difficult days and times of deep despair, but being able to find hope in the midst of suffering can be incredibly empowering. Even when everything in the world feels like it’s against you, remember that there is still good to be found and joy to be experienced. With time and effort, the pain can and often does eventually end. All these things combined - reaching out for help, creating healthy outlets, seeking professional assistance, and never giving up - are instrumental in finding a way out of pain. While it may seem impossible at the time, you can emerge from dark places to find peace and joy waiting for you on the other side. The pain can end, and when it does, you will be stronger for having endured it.
  13. Going through life can be tough and many of us know that. There are times when what has happened can leave us crying out for help to a higher power. Whether this higher power be Jesus, Allah, Buddha, or someone else, we often feel that our strife is too much for us to bear on our own and it’s only natural to seek comfort and counsel in the divine. We don’t believe that it is too much, without realising that with great struggle comes great opportunity, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Right now you may seem overwhelmed by the issues that are presented to you and nothing seems to be going right. It could be relationship issues, career pressure, financial problems, health, or personal growth. Whatever the cause of your situation, you have the power to make things right and get back on the right track, step by step. You don’t have to suffer alone, you’ve got the support of loved ones who can help you on your journey. The more you open up and accept help from those who care, the easier it becomes to face whatever issues come your way, no matter how much of a challenge they may seem. Friends and family will provide emotional and physical guidance to assist you through any problem and keep you going when times get tough. The best part about struggling is the peace and satisfaction you can find when you eventually reach the other side. It’s hard to visualise it when your stuck in a deep crisis, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Taking on difficulties head-on makes you stretch out of your comfort zone and grow in strength and resilience. When you do eventually put all your troubles behind you, you have greater clarity and direction and understand what you want to achieve in life. You have gained the confidence to tackle anything that comes your way and will never shy away from obstacles. This is true mastery and will be the core of your future self. Like anything in life, the struggles we face can be both difficult and rewarding. Strive to look beyond what is currently happening and be patient as you ride out the storm. The storm may last longer than you want it to, but it’s what happens next that matters. Persevere and in the end the rewards will be worth it. Remember that everything always works out in the end, no matter how difficult it may feel right now. No pain lasts forever, we just have to find the courage to face it and find solutions. Change doesn’t come easy but it’s essential to grow stronger. So try to keep your spirits up, focus on the opportunities those tough times have to offer, and use them to become the person you aim to be.
  14. When partners experience a breach of trust that manifests in one-time incident of infidelity, it can be devastating. Particularly when the betrayed partner is struggling to make sense of conflicting emotions and thoughts about the situation, it can be confusing and painful. The question then becomes: How does one move forward with the relationship and rebuild the trust that has been broken? The emotional journey of betrayal and hurt can be overwhelming and it is important to take time to process the range of emotions associated with the circumstances before coming up with a plan to move forward. The betrayed partner must face the loss and attempt to gain clarity around these complex feelings of despair, pain, and hurt. It can be helpful to look at the relationship as if it were a separate person, with its own set of experiences. The pain isn't felt just by one partner, but by both. Doing this allows the couple to examine the betrayal not just through the lens of one person, but through the lens of the relationship itself. To restore trust, both partners need to discover what it was that motivated the cheating, and how they could have prevented it. Moving past such a violation requires considerable effort from both partners to rebuild not only the trust shared between them, but also the foundations of their relationship. This involves looking honestly at whatever failures have been identified and both parties addressing them. It's important for the partner who cheated to be willing to make amends for their behavior and accept responsibility for the destruction caused. At the same time, the wronged partner must come to terms with the issue and move on, while also understanding their accountability. If they wish to retain the relationship, they must learn to forgive the partner despite their anger and hurt. Some individuals find forgiveness difficult, especially in cases of adultery, but it is necessary to allow the couple to heal together. It is also essential to ensure that both parties make an effort to rebuild closeness with open communication, mutual respect, civility, and forgiveness. When trust has been violated, couples may avoid dealing with the breach of trust that caused the infidelity in the first place—but ongoing issues can remain unresolved and re-emerge later. One way for couples to reconnect is to become vulnerable with one another and draw closer together to eliminate future behavior issues. The values of transparency, acceptance, and respect are essential for growth and restoration. It’s important to incrementally rebuild connection over time in order to establish restored trust and faith in each other. Focusing on small but meaningful tokens of love, such as a hand-written letter or small gift, can demonstrate that the relationship is worth fighting for. While infidelity can be terribly painful, and the aftermath horrifyingly jumbled, it is possible to survive and restore a partnership after such a disruption. With honest communication, understanding, and the courage to move through the hurt, a relationship can emerge on the other side with a newfound appreciation for the commitment and love two people share. Everyone makes mistakes; it’s the hope and promise of redemption that offers both partners an opportunity for renewal and a second chance.
  15. When you’re living in chronic and debilitating pain, not having a doctor who believes you can create intense feelings of loneliness, isolation, and despair. You should never be made to feel as if your body being in pain is all in your head – it’s not. Even so, some medical professionals may still not believe, or perhaps simply not take seriously, the magnitude of what you’re experiencing. That can leave you frustrated, feeling unheard, and searching for solutions that seem impossible to find. If you may have experienced this before, don’t lose hope. There are steps you can take to both help yourself and mobilize potential allies to join the healing process. Here’s what to do when your doctor doesn’t believe you’re in pain: 1. Take Charge of your Care. If your doctor isn’t taking heed of your distress, know that you have the power and permission to seek out a second opinion. Advocates of informed consent assert that self-advocacy is paramount in medical care and that often must require assessing a range of providers if a particular doctor is unsupportive. Remember, ultimately, you are responsible for your own health. 2. Get a Coach or a Trusted Adviser. Completely rethinking your medical team, while at the same time releasing your illness narrative to someone else can be tough. If you’re looking for guidance in an area outside of your own expertise, seeking out a coach, mentor, or trusted medical adviser can provide a layer of additional support as you explore how to move forward. Having someone on your side that can speak fearlessly for you and your rights can be invaluable. 3. Look into Patient Support Programs. Connecting with a patient organization could be just what you need to feel familiarized and understood by a community of individuals facing similar experiences. National and local patient groups, those focused on specific diseases, as well as online communities can be a safe place to share stories and strategize about how to get the care and support you need. 4. Rely on Complementary Therapies. Not everyone is ready (or able) to constantly contract new doctors and switch up their system of care. That doesn’t mean there are no alternatives. If a traditional medical approach is largely failing you, looking into various body work therapies and something like Ayurveda or Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) techniques can be incredibly beneficial. Alternative medicine treatments that employ massage therapy, acupuncture, yoga, and breathing methods are promising natural interventions used increasingly as adjuncts to medical care as ways to reduce pain and encourage empowerment. In cases when doctors may not believe or deny treating patients with chronic pain, there are indeed ways to mitigate that situation. It’s entirely possible to create a health plan that centers around your needs, gives you access to quality care and providers that care, and can offer viable strategies on the path towards greater healing.
  16. sorry for the upsetting subject matter bellow. i don’t know if i’m allowed to post this here. i’ve attempted in the past and failed twice. i took a bottle of ibuprofen a few years ago but all it did was make me sick for a couple days. i have very little prescription meds as well as about 48,000mg (two bottles) of advil pm. would that be enough to kill me? ive been incredibly nauseous lately so i don’t know if i’ll even be able to keep down half a bottle. are there any faster at home methods? i don’t have access to a gun or that would be my option. there aren’t any tall buildings or bridges close to me either. any response is appreciated
  17. So this is has been in my head for a little while as something of a flaw in my character(I mean, I suppose. I don't know what else to call it). For a good long while as I was trying to find work, fighting depression and poverty and generally trying to get my head above water, I had to deal with working a number of office and call center jobs and found that there were a number of people who knew my family and there was a narrative among a few that knew of my situation and had, let's say, "opinions" about me, my character and my way through life. There a number of different thing said: I was laughed at by a manager that was "roasting" me indirectly, of course not using my name, about a physically abusive situation followed by emotional abuse, blame and what have you, I faced from several family members(this was information I did not share voluntarily with that manager, by the way); was mocked senselessly by a number of ex-coworkers who laughed my poverty situation and the deep, DEEP financial struggles I was facing; and, last but not least during a job that stressed me out so much in itself that I now have NAFLD as result, I was relentlessly bullied by a janitor who said "I was too old now to make something of life", and dude that, literally right behind my back, said all sorts of cruel things about me and my job situation while staring at my bald spot and yet another roasting by a group of people with whom I was training. These are some of the more outstanding examples but there are many more. The only saving grace I had in that last job, by the way, was getting to work at home shortly before starting so as to be able to deal with only the one stress which was the job itself. Honestly, I know that office environments can get rather toxic and I know that it's not my business to control who says what about you. What I want to do is get help, because I might to face this in the future, with how to deal with the stress this behavior causes me. I have problem dealing with malicious from others as it brings up feelings of expendability, helplessness and anger and I need to find ways to deal with them so that they don't cause the anxieties or, the case with the latest job I had, medical complications so that I can deal with this sort of passive malice without it affecting my personal life AFTER my shift is over. Does anyone have any tips, techniques or ideas that can help mitigate the negative feelings associated with being confronted with this behavior? I feel if I have the right guidance I can develop the tools necessary to cope with such toxic, ridiculous, BS in the future. Thanks it advance!
  18. I have gone through this before. Im on my 4th breakup with my ex. But the worst feeling in the world is having feelings for someone who no longer wants to be with you, hang out with you, see you or call you. It happened suddenly, I was not expecting it. I feel lots of pain, and though I wont do anything stupid the impotence is so much that I just wish I was dead in order not to feel this. Help me cope please. I miss him and want to move to his city and do anything posible to make it work again, but I know he has blocked me out and that there is absoultely nothing I can do to change it. I think of him every day, all the time. Pleople are getting sick of me, and there is nothing I can do to change his mind and make him love me. Help me please
  19. Many Of Us Have Been There When you make your bed and have to lie in it…weight baring down on shards of glass that cut across your skin and lash at your back…when hell comes to earth and breathes fire into your life..obliterating everything that held any meaning…ashes to ashes dust to dust…all you have to cling to is a pile of rust…looking around..all alone where you stand…where the beauty in life was once a thing that you had…a nice reminder how in the matter of seconds it can all turn to crap…there are those that will say…just dance through the pain…but where are those happy folks when you need them…so negative are you…who wants all that gloominess…painting their colorful life into dark shades of gray…hypocrites..hypocrites you say…forget them…and their twinkle toed bull crap…start giving real advice…instead of poetic madness…lend an ear that actually hears..not listening only to be thinking of what you have to say next…there are no easy answers to issues so complex…it can’t be solved in a day let alone in an hour…observe…be quiet..interject only when needed to repeat so it’s known what has been said has been understood or the contrary…
  20. If I were to tell you 
 The things 
He’d say to me 
It wouldn’t be fair 
 You were in the mix 
 Unknowingly 
 If I told you 
I’d hurt you 
 Unwillingly 
 It isn’t fair 
See
 The choices I made 
Inconsiderably
 Could hurt you 
 Tremendously. 
 I was selfish then, 
 All i wanted 
 Was pleasure then. 
I wanted to make myself 
 Feel something 
 Dependent 
 On temporary 
 Obviously 
 Not lasting. 
 It’s left me broken 
 But I can’t imagine 
 The pain in your face 
 If you just knew
 What had to happen.
  21. Pain, betrayal, lies Cry, cry, cry Pain without stop Rapid pain Cry, cry, cry Where are you? Where is him? What did you do? Why?! Cry, cry, cry My head is spinning Laughs, laughs, laughs Vengeful laughs Laughs of power Laughs of humiliation Cry, cry, cry I go there, all them are there I come here, all them are here Oh, where to go? Cry, cry, cry In the middle of the anger and sorrow Cry, cry, cry JUSTICEEEEEEEEE!!!
  22. Jotted down a thousand words describes the way I feel When I read them, I come undone every feeling real Thunder, lighning and tons of rain skin cut deep and lots of pain fun times ruined friends forgot so much accusin of so much throught Minds are connected, souls are sewn Earth so big , feeling alone tired soul is resting, love so far away faithfulness is testing, go or stay Feeling so restless, so much pain feeling so in love, yes my eyes they rain so loving and caring, yet selfish and vain Earth is so unsteady while layers of skin unpeals...
  23. This is another poem I wrote recently, inspired by the writing and work of others on this site... I appreciate any feedback as it will ultimately help me improve my work, and I really hope you enjoy A heart, scarred by the darkness and pain, Sheltered from the storm and sheltered from the rain, Suddenly breaking free of protection, Searching despite the constant misdirection, Looking for someone to have and to hold, Transforming from being quite shy to quite bold, Fighting against those who wish to defeat it, Praying to find the other half to complete it, Temptation and darkness waiting so eager, As I struggle for brave to overcome meager, Found by one who was selfish and cruel, Dropped crushed and cut, called out like a fool, The heart sought refuge, weighed down by the sorrow, Unable to see the possibilities of tomorrow, Until one day two gentle hands, Picked up this poor heart but made no demands, Giving compassion and truth never ending, Refusing to break, instead always bending, This kindness and love taught the heart how to live, Being no more afraid and learning to forgive, For the heart which helped to heal my pain, Was cut and scarred the very same, Hurt by others but still strong, Able to keep moving along, Driven by life, love, and laughter, Searching for an ever after, That heart helped mine to heal and grow and I think I finally get it, Those who live their lives in fear and anger will regret it, But those who help each other grow and teach others to forgive, While everyone must die they are the only ones who truly live.
  24. The tears running down my face like rain from the sky. No where to hide only leaving the pain hidden inside. Love so full of joy and pain, rain to wash away the hurt. Tears left as a mask for joy yet the pain hidden deeper inside. Many mistakes to many to count, myself to blame for the pain. I loved her so much and that was more than she could take. Left alone in my tears I sit, alone after years of content. She tried hard to love, she tried hard to forgive but my hurt I deserve. Like a jail I sit in my tears left to be miserable left to hurt. I cry every day, unlike the rain the tears never go away. My life I would give, my soul I would sell for my heart to be whole, for my heart to heal. I love her so and forever will but now I sit alone in my hell.
  25. Be one Relax into knowing that none of this can happen without you The entire universe, as you know it, reports to you Including this body, these thoughts, this personality. And so what are you? Be one. Be one that watches pain One that watches joy. Be one with the one that experiences it all. Whatever its name. Freedom can come in a moment. Blessed and touched by a joy of seeing. Feel one. Be that which sees it all. You are freedom itself, effortlessly.
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