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About Me

  1. *I remember why I love(d) you. *I'm working too much. AGAIN. *I'm sick of looking over my shoulder and trudging amongst the squashed masses. Too many problems for this soul to handle. *Oh! So that is why. How much bloody pain on simple lack of understanding can cause! The difference between closeness and distancing. Will I ever change? Or is it enough to be known? *I hate bannock. Shut up about the god damn bannock already people. *I've never felt this way before. Ever. Don't know what it is. Except it is new. [video=youtube;xkte4TY12Zk] ] *Tonight is for looseness and floating. Tomorrow, activity and comprehending what it means.
  2. The Essence of a Marriage Covenant with God In many religious and spiritual traditions, marriage isn't just a commitment between two individuals but also a sacred bond with the Divine. But what does it truly mean to enter into a marriage covenant with God? The answer might surprise you. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, couples who share a spiritual bond tend to experience more profound satisfaction in their relationships. This can be attributed to the shared values, morals, and a common purpose often found in spiritually rooted marriages. But it's not just about following religious rituals or attending services together. The essence of a marriage covenant with God lies in understanding and appreciating the sanctity of the commitment. Dr. Helena Rosenbaum, a renowned couples therapist, often remarks, "It's about recognizing God's role as the third partner in the union. This spiritual entity brings a higher purpose and deeper meaning to the relationship." Such a bond is characterized by mutual respect, unconditional love, and the understanding that God's presence is a guiding force. Rather than being confined to a particular religion, this covenant transcends denominations and beliefs. It is about bringing spiritual depth, understanding, and growth to the union. The journey to foster this connection is continuous. It requires a genuine intention to seek God's wisdom in marital decisions and actions. For couples looking to strengthen this bond, integrating prayer, meditation, and spiritual practices into daily life can be beneficial. Additionally, many experts believe that acknowledging God's presence in the relationship acts as a protective layer against external adversities. In the face of challenges, this spiritual connection provides a foundation of trust, resilience, and perseverance. 5 Secrets to Fortifying Your Marriage Covenant Embarking on a spiritually fulfilling marital journey with God requires effort, intention, and understanding. Here are five secrets, distilled from expert insights and time-tested practices, to enhance your marital bond spiritually: 1. Continuous Spiritual Growth Both partners should commit to personal and mutual spiritual growth. This can be achieved through religious studies, meditation sessions, or spiritual retreats. The idea is to evolve spiritually, individually, and as a couple. Dr. Mark Thomson, a leading expert in spiritual growth within relationships, states, "A couple that grows spiritually together, stays together. Their bond is nurtured not just by love but by the Divine's guiding light." 2. Practice Active Forgiveness In every relationship, mistakes happen. However, when God is seen as the foundation, forgiveness becomes an act of spiritual compassion. Active forgiveness is not about forgetting, but understanding, healing, and moving forward with God's grace. Studies, including one from Harvard Divinity School, suggest that couples who practice spiritual forgiveness have higher relationship satisfaction rates. This stems from viewing challenges as opportunities for growth and deeper understanding. 3. Engage in Joint Prayer Prayer is a powerful tool to connect with the Divine. Joint prayer sessions allow couples to express their gratitude, seek guidance, and share their innermost desires and concerns with God together. This shared spiritual practice amplifies intimacy and understanding. 4. Seek God in Every Decision Marriage involves numerous decisions, big and small. Seeking God's wisdom in every choice strengthens the marriage covenant. Whether deciding on a family matter or addressing a challenge, invoking God's guidance ensures alignment with a higher purpose. 5. Celebrate Spiritual Milestones Just as anniversaries and personal achievements are celebrated, so should spiritual milestones. Be it an answered prayer or overcoming a challenge with God's help, acknowledging these moments solidifies the spiritual bond. Challenges in Upholding the Covenant While the idea of a spiritual bond sounds enchanting, upholding the marriage covenant with God is not without challenges. In a world that often prioritizes materialistic gains, maintaining a spiritually centered relationship can sometimes feel counterintuitive or even daunting. Understanding God's Role in Relationship Dynamics One can't talk about a marriage covenant with God without diving deep into the Creator's role in relationship dynamics. God's presence in a marriage serves as a compass, guiding couples through both calm and stormy seas. Marital researchers from The Spiritual Relationship Institute found that couples who consistently turn to God for guidance display better conflict resolution skills. They are more likely to approach disagreements with empathy and compassion, often asking, "What would God want us to do in this situation?" This perspective fosters understanding over resentment. Furthermore, when God is at the center of a relationship, couples often report feeling a higher sense of accountability. Not just to each other, but to the vows they've made in the presence of the Divine. This reverence for their covenant propels them to continually strive for a harmonious relationship. By understanding God's role in the relationship, couples can unlock deeper layers of intimacy and trust, thereby fostering a connection that isn't solely based on emotional or physical aspects, but also on spiritual ones. The Power of Ritual in Reinforcing the Covenant Across various religious practices, rituals play a pivotal role. They serve as touchstones, grounding believers and reinforcing their faith. In the context of a marriage, rituals can be instrumental in reminding couples of their commitment to each other and God. Rituals need not be elaborate. Something as simple as a nightly prayer together or weekly scripture study can serve as a reminder of the couple's spiritual bond. These moments become sanctified over time, acting as pillars in the marital relationship. Experts like Dr. Susan Fredericks, in her book Marriage Rituals and God, highlight the importance of consistency in these practices. Rituals, she suggests, provide couples with moments of pause, reflection, and reconnection amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Deepening the Connection: Tools and Techniques For couples eager to deepen their marriage covenant with God, a variety of tools and techniques can be beneficial. Spiritual retreats, for instance, offer couples a respite from daily life, allowing them to focus on their spiritual growth and connection. Similarly, attending workshops or reading books on spiritual intimacy can offer fresh insights and practical strategies. Another critical tool is communication. Regularly discussing one's spiritual journey, challenges, and insights with one's partner ensures both are on the same page. This shared spiritual journey can be enhanced by seeking guidance from spiritual leaders or joining faith-based couples' groups. Moreover, adopting practices like meditation, fasting, or even attending religious services together can be immensely powerful in fortifying the marital bond. Remember, the goal is to grow together, drawing strength from each other and from God. Testimonies: Real-life Experiences of Couples There's undeniable power in stories. Listening to real-life testimonies of couples who've navigated the ups and downs of marriage with God at the center can be both inspiring and enlightening. Take the story of Maria and Raj. Despite coming from diverse religious backgrounds, they were keen on integrating God into their marriage. They dedicated time to understanding each other's beliefs and adopted rituals from both faiths. Over the years, they've woven a beautiful tapestry of love and spirituality, proving that a strong marriage covenant with God can bridge even the most significant differences. Then there's the tale of Samuel and Grace, who faced several challenges early on in their marriage. They credit their faith and trust in God as the bedrock that helped them overcome adversity. By turning to prayer and scripture during their darkest moments, they not only found solace but also solutions to their problems. Such stories abound, each highlighting the transformative power of having God as the foundation in a marital relationship. Integrating Faith in Day-to-Day Interactions While profound rituals and dedicated spiritual practices play a significant role in deepening the marriage covenant with God, integrating faith into daily interactions is equally crucial. How couples treat each other in mundane moments often shapes the overall health of the relationship. As renowned marriage therapist Dr. Elena Mitchell posits in her book, Everyday Sacredness, "It's in the everyday moments — the gentle touch, the patient listening, the acts of kindness — that we truly embody our covenant with God in marriage." The key lies in ensuring that every interaction, no matter how small, reflects the divine love and respect that the couple has vowed to uphold. For instance, something as simple as beginning the day with a shared moment of gratitude can set a positive tone. Likewise, being mindful and intentional in communication, taking moments to pray for each other during the day, or even sharing spiritual insights or readings can infuse day-to-day life with spiritual richness. Navigating Relationship Storms with God's Guidance Every marriage faces challenges. However, couples who've established a strong covenant with God often possess an added layer of resilience. They perceive these challenges not as deterrents, but as opportunities provided by God to grow and strengthen their bond. Research from the International Journal of Spiritual Resilience suggests that couples who actively seek God's guidance during tumultuous times are more likely to emerge stronger and more united. Turning to prayer, scripture, or even spiritual counseling during these moments can offer clarity, solace, and a path forward. Equally important is the realization that the journey will have its share of storms. But with faith as the anchor, these storms can lead to a renewed and even more profound connection with each other and with God. The Generational Impact of a Marriage Covenant with God One often overlooked aspect of a spiritually anchored marriage is its impact on subsequent generations. Children raised in homes where the marriage covenant with God is central often inherit a legacy of strong values, faith, and resilience. Dr. James Peterson, in his groundbreaking study, Faith Forward: The Family Legacy, observes, "Children in such households not only witness a harmonious marital relationship but also learn the importance of faith in navigating life's challenges." These children are often better equipped to handle adversities and are more likely to seek and establish strong spiritual connections in their own relationships, perpetuating a virtuous cycle of faith and love. Conclusion: The Ever-Evolving Journey Marriage, especially one that's rooted in a covenant with God, is an ever-evolving journey. It requires continuous effort, unwavering faith, and an abundance of love. As couples navigate the ebbs and flows of life, it's this spiritual anchor that often guides them, ensuring their bond remains strong and fulfilling. Incorporating God into the marriage not only brings two people closer to each other but also closer to the Divine, offering a threefold strength. And as each day unfolds, it becomes a testament to the profound love, grace, and guidance of God in the sacred bond of marriage.
  3. Annie had been struggling with addiction for years. Alcohol, cocaine, opioids - she had tried it all. Although she had tried to quit many times before, she never stayed sober for long. Her desperation for freedom from her addiction seemed to be pushing her further away. Until one day, something snapped. Annie decided she would give God a chance at helping her out of her pit of despair and she fully embraced asceticism and a newfound faith. Annie believed that if God could help her through the difficult journey of healing and redemption, she would find true peace and happiness. She was willing to do whatever it took to find a path of spiritual strength and solace. Every morning Annie would kneel in prayer and ask God to help keep her addiction far away and she would strive to stay close to Him so she could stay strong in the face of temptation and sorrow that often came along with recovery. Annie dedicated herself to attending church, while also completely abstaining from drugs and alcohol. The more she immersed herself in spiritual practices and activities, the more healed and whole she felt. The physical signs of addiction were gone and Annie started to feel inner peace and tranquility. She also started to reach out to her community, to her friends and family, letting them know that she was taking extra steps to be healthy and whole again. She was finally in a good place, spiritually and emotionally. As the months passed, she kept finding moments of joy and gratefulness, which only pushed her towards an even stronger level of faith. The sanctuary of God that once only seemed so distant became a tangible reality during her struggle with addiction. Through God, Annie found hope and courage as well as a newfound respect for life. Despite the dark beginnings of her addiction and her painful journey to sobriety, God opened new doors and filled her heart with joy. Today, Annie is thriving in recovery and is using her experience to help inspire others going through similar battles. With God by her side, she is a shining example of how surrendering to a higher power can lead to peace - no matter how deep you are in addiction.
  4. This is another installment in this story I posted last night. ( ) I may take it or leave it. Not sure yet. I hope starting another thread for this won't be a problem. This is just a first draft, continued. Comments are welcome. ***** "How many god damn times do I have to tell you Kimberly, brush your *beep*ing hair!" his voice was loud and biting. Why did he need to yell? She was standing right in front of him. "I did!" she snapped back, hotly. "Well you didn't brush it good enough. Brush it 150 strokes." She lifted the brush slowly and started brushing her hair on the right side. "Brush it all over, not just in one spot." "Well you want me to brush it 150 strokes don't you!? I could do my whole head in 5!" "Get up to your room and don't come down until your hair is brushed... now!" She turned sharply and ran up the stairs into her room, slamming the door behind her. Setting down on the bed she lifted the brush. 1...2...3...4 148...149...150. She walked confidently down the stairs and entered the living room, where her father sat reading the paper. "Let me see," he said standing up. A look of anger and frustration came onto his face. "You didn't even touch it! You went in your room and sat there for ten minutes! You brat! Why can't you do what you're told?" "I did! I swear to God I did!" "What's I tell you about swearing to God? We don't swear to God in this house." He snatched the brush from her hand and grabbed her by the shoulder, forcing her to turn around. For a split second she was afraid he would hit her with it. But she felt the plastic bristles, rough on her scalp. He hair wasn't tangled, at least there was that mercy. He was finished in under a minute. "Now get your ass upstairs and stay there. You lied to me." Once again in her room, she laid on her bed, crying softly. She rolled over and flipped on the radio. Loud rock music filled the room. She thought again of the man she met at Dr. Shmidt's office. She wondered how long it took him to brush his hair.
  5. If this words, will be solidify, If this heart, will be put on a scale; Titanic will sink again. Only God knows, the hurt He put in loving you. Burnt my the sun, shun by the stars; ignored by the moon. Yet I couldn't keep my heart under my sleeves. If this words, be solidify- I would've put it under a lens, so you could see my intentions- crystal clear. Only God knows, the hurt He put in leaving you.
  6. If I should fall, you won’t be here to pick me up For you left and took my heart If I have to crawl, I will find you and take back what I gave you For you don’t deserve such a gift If I should fall, I will be alright Though my chest is heavy, my self-worth carries me far If only for a moment I hang my head It’s merely to say a pray for you since I can’t hold you If I should fall, you won’t see me cry For I am a man, though weakened by my open wound The tears that fall are in your honor And I hope you know that I won’t stay down very long If I should fall, the love I have for you will be my shield Though you can’t see it, it is there and I thank God for the time we did share If you were to ever look back, I won’t be there When I was down, love carried me far away If I should fall, I will face my fears and stand I must find the courage to take back my love and give it to those that deserve it and choose to stay For underneath this broken man lies a lion I will rise above this and I look forward to the day that loves finds me again If I should fall, don’t cry for me You threw me away and walked silently out of my life Like the memories of our love, they will fade Just as I did from your heart If I should fall, you won’t know it The tracks in the sand may be long Because I crawled to protect what was left of me -SuperDave71
  7. I've been writing some poems lately to help cope. You can see my story in the thread "broken long winded post". Thought maybe sharing would help some of you Plus i'll take the constructive criticism. If you want to know any of the meaning just ask : ) fibers, cells, nerves, and capillaries,all hands on deck i wish to sink the ship full of the memories id like to forget i can still see your body curves and all where you lay in the cocoon of cotton where we shared each other underneath your sheets i can still hear the clicking of the blinds against their frame i can taste every inch, i often envision the candle lit shower scenes freckles form upon the ridge of your nose, spotting your cheeks your hair accross your face as the Florida wind blows. Your smile and your laughter make the sun burn brighter for me calluses line the top of the palm of my hand pressed gently against your thigh your breath on my neck keeps me warm beneath the ceiling fan as our blood rushes through veins, eyes are wide the floor becomes mosaic and the pillows become the clouds: we hide if only you'd let me stay here in your arms deep inside echoes of giggles, echoes of moans a wall plastered with photographs no longer make this my room will you think of me when the first flake falls? will God bring opportunity for us to be entangled once more? i would take you fresh from slumber; no decoration upon your face hair pulled tightly back with a few strands out of place a wrinkled t shirt far too big and colors faded away; lost in a whirling spin much like you and me they say "distance makes the heart grow fonder" but too far a dare i find terrifying "better to have love than lost" is the cheapest form of lying a sucker i remain for even the simplest things traits overlooked by many were the first qualities i would see A hike through the past, a climb through your eyes; forest green lead me to a furry companion embodied this critter and I stay in the depths of your soul; a stranger to me now, still deep as a ravine i suppose this could be a means to an end, and end that has already began i thought I'd be in a different place when and if this inevitable Armageddon decided to strike and hit fore i wish to spend one more night with thee i wish to encapsulate both hips with my arms fly up to heaven as i drop down beneath thy knees the light you've lit and presented to me burns distant the moths enslaved by it now fly free like a serpent of sea, i stay here just me washing others away so selfishly, for now myself and I alone we must be
  8. I'm extremely tired Of being wired With all this **** When I get bit, Want to be rid of it To soon, not yet Years of waiting left Those years have great heft, I just want to die Tell them all goodbye Goto heaven or nothing Dammit just do something, Im tired and sore This lifes a bore I want more for myself Ended up by myself All alone Got damn boned, im so ****ed This ear got shucked I cant cry I cant lie I cant die Music is my only friend Itll be with me till the end, God im glad theres music Makes some stuff less useless. Though sad it may be This is all me, Will somebody ever love me Will somebody ever care My guess is no I need to go, Go where There There There Nope here is where I must stay Im trapped; kept at bay I feel so hopeless The hole has no bottom I always feel lonely and rotten, I feel like a run away train Everythings a drain My life is ****ed; put on hold Think my balls are growing mold This world had no true gold No matter what, no matter how bold I just feel old And worn out To tired to shout, So here I lay me down to take it Maybe ill luck out Maybe I wont make it, I really do want to live But my souls run out of me like a sieve I have lots of holes Searching for a lonely shoal, Theres none to be found Problems compound Things get worse With every verse Why do I keep typing Why do I keep thinking Cuz I keep smelling the world Stinking, It burns my soul Hurts my heart Damages my self confidence Puts me on defense Pain makes me wince, Trying to dull the pain Trying to calm my brain Going down the drain Crashing like a plane Wish I never came My soul hurts, got a band-aid ma'am?
  9. Do you know why the caged bird sings? Its song sweet yet mournful. Why does it not try to escape when released and instead returns to its cage. Is it chained by fear of harm or the unknown, it will not say. It sits behind bars in a space too small for it to spread it's wings and fly. What has it done to be treated so cruely? Has it commited a crime, or is it for the pleasure of mankind? Do you know why the caged bird sings so sweetly? It sings to remind itself of days gone by and for the hope of tomorrow. That's why the caged bird sings, sings so sweetly. "High Flight" Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there, I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air.... Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace. Where never lark, or even eagle flew — And, while with silent lifting mind I have trod The high untrespassed sanctity of space, - Put out my hand, and touched the face of God. [h=3]John Gillespie Magee, Jr. (9 June 1922 – 11 December 1941)[/h]It was because of this poem I have such a love of flying...
  10. The heart is mad, like an innocent boy sees and chases some new beautiful toy, I keep telling it, the insanity of all this, but it doesn't listen to me, and chases that Miss. When i look at her pic and the mind says Woww, Dont do anything stupid, dont say anythinig now, When i look at her hair, there is night everywhere, Can i be a star, in the dark that lies there, When i look at those lips, full of possibilities, that red burns my heart, but i doubt my abilities, When i look at her body which appears so slender, Her skin is so shining that my mind goes in wonder. Whoever you are, please dont have a broken heart, You are god damn beautiful, please play it smart, I wonder if you'll ever read it, and understand that its for you, Let it be a mystery and lets not further pursue.
  11. I wrote this poem and it basically describes how i feel right now... This is the first time i've put any of my work out to rhe public. I appreciate any feedback and any advice or help as to my mental "situation"... SHATTERED Scream. There is a yell, of pain, of sadness, of misery... Cry. The darkness is everywhere, i feel it within me... Dream. Dream of a better place, where i can finally be free... Lie. I tell the people around me i'm content and happy... Stake. Put my heart on the line, because i always do... Again. Stabbed in the back, by someone i thought i knew... Break. Reach that point where my soul gets snapped in two... Pain. Always left behind, left alone, so sad, so blue... Pray. Just keep trying, hoping for something, but what? Spoken. Words that rip my heart, while my soul gets cut... Stay. Here waiting where you told me to go... Broken. I guess you were lying, was it all a show? Useless. Me, that's how i feel now i'm just part one of two... Run. From my problems, from the world, it's true... Heartless. What other word can i use to describe you? Done. With all the pain and crap you put me through. Wait. With a knife pressed against my wrist. Debate. Whether my life is really worth all this. God. Can somebody out there hear me? God? Is there anybody up there really? Someone? I'm sick and tired of all those people who degrade me... Anyone. I've been shattered apart, and i need someone to save me...
  12. Written in Def Poetry Style... Hey yo, I thought I forgave, I thought I was free These things from my past just won't seem to leave I cry out to God, I'm beggin him please These things from my youth just won't seem to leave Why didn't I just do it Suicide my option, but I couldn't go through with it. And I'm still cryin out hoping one day I change Hoping one day God rids me of this heart ache and pain Molested twelve years.... Equals a life of fear and a whole lot of tears. But I'm not crying now least not in defeat gave my life to Jesus Now I bow at his feet But it ain't finished yet I strayed off the path the devil had set He had a plan for me it ended six feet below But it started in a good or a "Functional home" Mom and dad were working while my brother raised us kids No one ever thought to think of what the problem is... I'm cryin when you leave, I'm cryin when you come home Still no one seemed to listen in our so called "Perfect home" Until police came to our door and opened up your eyes Now for once we finally see behind the dark desguise A life of lies to hide behind, A life of secret sins A man a child in our home, when did this begin? Did you know the pain you'd cause, brotha did you think? Did you know how mom would cry how often dad would drink? Did you know you'd leave that child lost hurt and confused? And everything we've ever known in one day we'd lose Did you know the drugs I'd use just to numb my pain? And how many times I'd come so close to a bullet in my brain? Did you know the choice you made would bring me to know Christ? And what the Devil meant for wrong would give eternal life? That's life it's just not perfect Some times I wonder if it'll ever be worth it?
  13. Does anyone have any idea what on earth does this song means? What does each 5 stanza means? The song is the following: The Sounds of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping, And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence. In restless dreams I walked alone Narrow streets of cobblestone, 'Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light That split the night And touched the sound of silence. And in the naked light I saw Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening, People writing songs that voices never share And no one dare Disturb the sound of silence. "Fools" said I, "You do not know Silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you." But my words like silent raindrops fell, And echoed In the wells of silence And the people bowed and prayed To the neon god they made. And the sign flashed out its warning, In the words that it was forming. And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls And tenement halls." And whisper'd in the sounds of silence.
  14. by Greggie Crickets chirp, their reasons unknown Gibberish language of that which we own Alive in the air, half-dead in the hall If you speak of nothing, you should speak not at all And I with my gallant articulate ways Could bring you to tears with just one simple phrase Carefully chosen words which I utter Ruined entirely by nervous stutter If only you saw me behind doors which close Kicked down by the mob, like a deer, I but froze Centered you stood, you belong nowhere else Distance so far from my corners and cells And all who surrounded you needed not be There was nothing but you - not even me Shrunken to half of my size in mere seconds A child now in age, I would come as you beckoned Your microscope burning my now ant-like figure Small as an atom, I wish I was bigger To grow seems unnatural, I stay minuscule The mind of a poet, the words of a fool I chose my own caste, and can't out if it crawl While you shall live richly and prosper in all Our paths will not cross, the words will not form This story will not go beyond pages torn I built you a pedestal, I built it too high I cannot grow an inch, I cannot even try I cannot climb over your fences of pickets I cannot be a God, when I'm only a cricket But think of me fondly, if you ever do And I will speak greatly and grandly of you I need not exaggerate, nor need I lie Crickets chirp, it is unknown why The poem is about feelings of inferiority, imposed on oneself, and the consequences which follow.
  15. Standing here waiting For a friend who won't come The soul begins to wither * Till it's just left for numb. Constantly picking up the phone At god knows the hour Yet never being helped yourself Leaves a part inside sickly sour. Fed up of these lies The hurt and no laughter Plays around with the mind Making it believe in no after. It starts with small words, Then it simply begins to ignite Till the flame overflows Into this heart filled with blight.
  16. This poem I wrote most of it, the words in ''Italic'' are off songs that i related with...... Your love felt like a gift from God. Baby you and I we were so in love. We would've never given up. And you, You made me feel so high, by just looking in your eyes you made me feel so alive. We were blessed. I knew you loved me so, That look in your eyes was enough to let me know. I loved you with every breath that I took, with every beat of my heart. Would imagine one day I'd be your wife. Wouldn've died for you cos you were my whole life. Loving you was easy once upon a time but now my suspicians of you have multiplied. Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me. As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same. I may never understand why but I'm doing the best that I can. My heart was shattered and I tried to breath. My stomach in knots. I couldn't believe, I just didn't wanna see. I remember feeling like I was no good, that I couldn't do it for you. I thought you loved me? You said that I was the one. I gave you my everything, my all but it wasn't enough, I feel like you've given up. No Holding hands down the street. No kisses or falling at my feet. We were so wonderful, so magically beautiful. Wish you didn't change, Wish you stayed the same.
  17. Your psychiatrist is counting down the months till retirement Twenty-seven He won't show you your file because it's nothing but grocery lists and doodles Two ball-point-pen girls playing beach volleyball The blue one is winning again Hipsters on the patio mispronouncing French cigarettes Mixing hard and soft G's Hard and soft drinks When you see an odd number of lights in the distance That means there's a bus coming God never creates just one of anything But he does seem quite fond of odd numbers You tell the bus driver you'll never complain about bus drivers in this city again Ever since you realized that the cops were worse The LED lights in her apartment window mean someone's home You think about 99 New York beat poets lamenting the ugliness of neon lights And wonder if any of them lived to see LEDs The door swings open You didn't even ring the bell but somehow she just knew you were there This might not be such a bad birthday after all Twenty-seven.
  18. I've had bad luck before but recently I crashed my car and a chain of bad luck started to happen. Many times I would hurt myself some how or do something wrong or get picked for something that would hurt me. I just realized that now so I can't remember much of what has happened to be but I've been depressed for over 2 months. I swear to god everything works against me, even god. I crashed my car nearly 2 months ago and after a week my brother got one of his friends to fix it real cheap ($1100). Good luck? no. One month later he returned the car but it was sent back because he forgot to fix the the back door (up to $2100). 3-4 days ago my mom was suppose to pick up the car while I was at work. I came home to more bad news. The car now has some sort of wheel problem --> back to the shop. sigh...when will I drive again. I swear to god no one ever pay back money they borrow from my. Every time I make lemonade I would find that I have a cut on my squeezing finger. god that's painful. Not to mention the gene pool I came from. Anyone know if a lucky charm would help? I can't decide from a Yarobi Luck Ring Lucky 7 Amulet or a Lady Luck Amulet
  19. Hello Everyone. At camp this summer, I bawled for the first time ever in my 14 years for God. I really wanted to change. I thank God every day for everything he's given me and I beg him to keep the part of me that wants to please him alive. But I curse and swear a lot, I'm now considering having sex sometime soon, I'm not making any promises I won't drink, etc. I do read my bible, more than I ever have before, and I highlight verses that stand out to me, to help me in my life. Just a few days ago, I was thinking I had a 50% chance of still going to heaven. Now, I remember a verse, and that chance has just shrunk by A LOT. "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are luke warm-neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth." -Revelations 3:15-16 But, there is also this verse: "He who believes in Him is not condemned..." - John 3:18 I believe in him, I really do. For all of you people out there, what do you think. Please write back, not saying "You should change!" etc. etc. I already hear that, thank you. What I am asking for is if I stay the same, where will I go? /
  20. I chose her! 1-19-10 Sorry if this offends anyone, just had to put it on paper. What a wonderful thing Now that It’s finally out I hope and pray she knows And there isn’t a single doubt That she’s the only one I’ve wanted for all time And I thank god she’s around I thank god this gal is mine To be able to open my heart And share this secret I’ve held so dear Shows of our love and trust Forever with her, is clear. To lift all of this weight, Of something so simple it seems Has added years upon my life And new passion unto my dreams Now in my fantasy mind It’s her, I and possibly more Just my fantasy eyes I desire her and nothing more Never tho must she worry Never tho must she fret 100 percent her husband Chosing her, there’s no regret I soo hope she knows for real That I Would never lie, After all I chose her over every girl And yes, every other guy Different makes us special Married 15 years going on 30 more.
  21. Every time I turn a corner, there you are in my mind again. Forward progress is so slow I wonder if I'll be dead before indifferent. I'm not in agony, thank god (and ena), but I'm not ecstatic either. I'm contemplating archaic forms of mental health treatments. When I am ancient and departing this world I'll remember you. I'm not sure what I will be feeling, but you'll be there with me. Like a wayward magician's helper I unleashed a powerful spell. And now I've no way to make my love for you disappear.
  22. Fill this emptiness with a pill. Wash these sorrows with one swig. its hard to stay level, its hard to stay sober, when every other god dam word out of your mouth is sorry. Blow away these images with a bullet. Slit the pain with a knife. Its hard to stay calm, its hard to stay stable, when all your lies come undone. Drown these sobs with gasoline. Suffocate the sadness with a pillow. its hard to stay happy, its hard to stay a live, when all you do is hurt me. (its a work in progress, still not perfected. Tell me what you think. criticism welcomed!)
  23. So even the rain knows you are beautiful and comes here for you to watch, throwing itself towards hell for you. Our steps are cleansed, & our spirits returned, Falling from The gentle, slaughtering mist Towards the grey slush of meadow roads..... Birds find the sky, & flee. it is become Dismal, threatening & lost...... earth also mourns, this moment, not touching the curve of your thighs or of your mouth. ----- What is breath, & trust...? what is this distance, when you are the horizon, --- This soft distance of rain, this wind, and where it is from. You are more tender than God, unless God is tender through you, with the deft, incredible language of your fingers, your kiss & the wisdom of your mouth & your tongue. ----- In the morning, after love, The sun & I will roar & Cry our love for you (still, rising....) & the air, I am sure will sing with you you are full, giving all songs... and therefore all songs are us. * * * There is light, failing... a field, hidden, where rain is. & the river, ripping past graves, & the worn stone... The terns are exhausted... the pelicans turn to silhouettes..... & the gulls? the morning imparts a sustenance to them. Noon causes dimness, & Firs grasp after a hard, stretching Wind. husks. straw. & warmth still, where you held my hand, & held me. -The great antidote is air, & the finishing sunlight, consuming us... full of a new, incredible flesh... * * *
  24. Hey so i write alot of songs/poems whatever you wanna call them and i just found this section on here and i thought it would be cool to post a song. I've just wrote this right at this very moment all my emotions and feelings just came out in it. i tend to write what i'm feeling and experiences i've had to go through so its all mixed in there. I really hope you can relate to it in your own way How can you go from having it all? To losing it all?, In a blink of an eye, I don’t know why, Everything disappeared, Nothing seems clear anymore. Everything just seems so far away, And I’m losing myself in the days, I don’t know why, I even have faith to try, One of these days I’m going to fall from grace, And cry cry cry all the time. Wish I never saw your face, Its better that you went away, But I still can’t escape the pain, To ever think I was falling in, Is like confessing to a sin Don’t ever think I had it all. My emotions are past boarder line, Will anyone help me fly?, Will I ever see light, Will god ever be on my side?, and I don’t know why, I even try.
  25. Things I thought up in the middle of the night, it sucks. I wake up I dig under my foreskin and drag the lint away I get up I eat my way to clarity, and leave the place in total disarray I walk out But nothing ever happens in this forsaken place I sit and I wait As the sun hits my face and blinds my ******* eye I sit and I wait As the sun hits my face and blinds my ******* eye I once saw an old man with a gun in his mouth He mumbled “Satan lives in fine print And blood will split your veins” He said “The devil lives in fine print And your blood will cut through your veins” The gun shot his solace, his peace of mind a gun The bullet took his enemies, a charity for his soul Oh what a hazard I’ve become I’ve become one with fear; I’ve become undone I’ve become one with fear; I’ve become one with God The devil sings me lullabies, and chants my name in recognition Blood washes the black from my hand, but it points at me in accusation New flesh has been birthed, as I wave my will away in emulation I’ve become one with fear; I’ve become one with God I’ve become one with fear; I’ve become undone I wake up I feel insanity crawl on my bed So I take my pills
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