I'm home and I absolutely hate it!

I just hate being home! I drove 8 hours home because I had to, and nothing is right! Nothing! If I'm on the computer I worry they'll think I'm a bum, if I go watch tv i worry they'll think I'm a bum, if I read i worry they'll think I'm pretenscious, if I'm in my room I'll worry they'll think I'm not very cooperative..... then I listen to them and their big plans for my sis and my bro and how much money they plan on pouring into their educations, + that money is going to make them rich so it'll all be worth it in the end because they'll be dentist and physician etc etc etc! How successful the two of them will be and how proud they are of them and that's all because my bro and my sis are geniuses!

WELL, EXCUSE ME IF I'M STUPID! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

I'm sorry if my IQ's not high enough to be a genius, I'm sorry that no one expected me to get into any college at all so they discouraged me from applying for schools like cornell, etc... (i got in to all of the UCs and my mom just shurgged it off, WHO CARES IT'S YOUR LIFE)

I soooo hate being here!

They're all trying to figure out if I graduated early like they wanted me to because they want to stop paying for me alreaady! and and and!! I really dont' want to move home and I've been so busy because I was trying to graduate almost a year early like they want me to, dropping my minor and dropping my hope of learning a full 3 years of japanese..... and they don't even care! They didn't ask me if I'm going to go to the graduation ceremony! My BOYFRIEND'S FAMILY asked, but not my family! All they asked was when I'll graduate and when I'll move home! I DON'T WANT TO MOVE HOME AND PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP ALL THE TIME!

I'm so freaking scared right now! I can't move home! I won't!

... I need to somehow make it back to around my school and I'll start looking for a job.

OMG OMG OMG They can't make me move home! I'll hate them forever!

While they talk about what plans they have for my sister who's yet in college and which major they expect her to get, I just can't help but remember how no one cared which major I'll be in. ANYTHING IS FINE because tea is stupid and no one cares about her! Then they actually did this right in front of me! They talked about how my bro and my sis are going to be successful after their colleges because they're both going to private schools, then they turn around and tell me, "Maybe you should go get a music degree in Cal State Hayward after you graduate because you can't earn a lot with your major." WHAT!? Why? They don't even know what my major is! My mom thinks my major's agriculture and I'm studying on how to be a farmer when I'm an environmental analysis major studying to be an urban planner! They never cared and they just judge me like that? WHY? Why do I deserve that? What the hell did I do? Just because I'm stupid? Besides, I could have gone to Oberlin for music and they told me not to go because music majors are good for nothing, then they tell me to go to a school that's not even NEARLY as good as the school i'm in now for MUSIC, the major that's good for absolutely nothing! Why? Is it because I'm even worse than being good for nothing!?

@_@ Why!!!!! Why do they treat me like this? I HATE THEM! I hate them! they have no right to treat me like this!

They didn't even care about me in junior high and they never cared if I wanted to kill myself or not becauase who gives about tea? She's not important anyways. If she dies big deal, life moves on and we still have our two little geniuses!

I don't want to put up with this freaking abuse anymore and bf's always like, "You should try getting along with them a little, even if they're abusive." The only comfort I have is that bf hates how my mom treats me but that doesn't really help when omg~ they're going to make me stay home! What if they dont' let me go back to school to find a job after the vacation? I'll be sooo done with life!

omg.. i have 2.5 more weeks to put up with! 20 more days... that's almost 3 weeks. I told them school starts on the 5th so I have to go back to school on the 4th... i hope they let me go. I need to go back.

I want to go back right now! I have enough of home already!

Hi Pal,

I believe ur family just wan u to have a job that earns good money and stable life ricebowl. There is nothing wrong with being an urban planner or a musician. What matters if u are happy doing what u are doing.

Look for a job this vacation that supports ur happiness as well as interests. I always believe people can be very stubborn enough to get what they want. U can always prove them wrong u noe, or i shld say, prove u are RIGHT u noe. U can go back to ur school if u are strongwill enough u noe..

I see ur bf has took a step to stand by ur side. It isnt soemthing bad, to learn how to get along with people is hard, but u got to learn their mindsets. Lolx! Tell them this even a bummer got to rest. Lolx!

Thanks for reading..

tea...

first of all, you aren't stupid. If you don't like it when you feel your parents put you down, do yourself a favor and don't do it to yourself.

second, I'm assuming you are the oldest child since you talk of your other two siblings just going into college...being first comes with a heavy price...

you end up being what I affectionately call the "parental crash test dummy"...if there are any parental mistakes to be made, the worst of them, fell on you.

Yes they probably do encourage your siblings in regard to education more than they did for you, but that doesn't mean they consider them smarter than you...but what they do see is how their lack of interest when YOU were planning your college future affected things...so they are fixing that with the younger ones...and now, if they DO try to encourage you in something (like music, whch they priginally scoffed at)...you are taking it offensively, nor do you openly discuss your plans for the future (hense why they have such little understanding of your major.. communication is a two way street)

There is an aspect I'd like you to consider, seeing that you are 21 I'm going to hope you may be able to see this as I do (I'm a parent, btw)...

I'm not so sure your parents discouraged you from "major" universities due to your intelligence level. I have a feeling, based on your post and what they have said....it was more of a money issue. That isn't something most parents come clean about...no parent really wants to tell their kid "you can't go there, we can't afford it"...If you didn't get any scholarships, or the school was out of state...it is extremely costly and being the first kid to go to higher education...there is a lot to learn about how to tackle the finances of putting a child through school...and they still had two others coming down the pike...

private schools, esp if local...can be a lot cheaper....and if your parents are encouraging you to possibly graduate early before one of your siblings go...there is another flag that there is a money issue.

so before you get grounded in the belief they don't care about your education...think about the fact they have THREE educations to worry about....and that is very expensive.

If and when you do move home after you graduate, they will have to support you for a while more than likely...plus it will shift the dynamic of the household and that needs to be prepared for...

being a parent is a huge juggling act...there is a lot to think about and a lot to deal with and it is a very hard job to do...cut them, and yourself...a bit of slack.

ticklebug is right. It is very expensive to apply to those kinds of schools tea. Your parents can imply that you're dumb all they want but you don't have to believe them. You know that is not true. How well have you done in school so far? Are you able to sign-up for any scholarships? It's always a possibility.

As for the major, just choose what you are genuinely interested in. I chose computers but my dad kept bugging me to get into the medical field but I have always enjoyed working with computers so that is what I am in now. Never worry about what people think of you because of your major.

If you haven't done so already, I would suggest sitting down with your parents and having a serious talk about how you feel. Good luck!

T______T Money isn't an issue for them. *sigh* Money's not an issue. =X If money's an issue mom wouldn't have gotten 2 new cars in the past year... a Benz and a limited edition toyota. T_T Dad wouldn't have bought his mistress a new house and a new car. ... I really don't care how much money they're willing to invest in me or how much they're willing to give me... >_>;;; mom decides that i should drive a 7 year old van everywhere when my sister drives one of her new cars... that's fine... I'm living at their mercy anyways so I shouldn't complain. >_>;; but I never feel like I'm in my own home when I come home. I'm always like a guest or a burden that no one really wants. -_-;; its okay, when I get a job and can stop depending on them they'll be rid of the burden, lol.

My bro and my sis...>_>;; the two of them passed their IQ tests and I came out not even 140.

no.. the way they put it.... who knows. I don't think they care.

ticklebug, my mom literally said, "You shouldn't apply to those schools when you probably wont' even make it into the UCs"

Then she encouraged me to apply for a few UCs and more CSUs. Now she wants my sister to apply to my school as a back up and my sister's high school GPA was not even as high as miine.

-________- her SAT's higher though. -_____________-

Oh, well. =X I don't really want to communicate with them anymore. Who knows what "prises" they have for me anyways.

>_>;;; I did try telling my mom about my major... after I told her about my major she went and asked HER FRIEND WHO DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH about what my major is... her friend told her it's farming, so now no matter how much I tell her it's not I can't change her mind.

I'm not going to Hayward for Music. I'd go to any actual university for music, I'd go to oberlin for music, I'd apply for music master, but I'm NOT going to a university that's not even in the first tier for music when I already have a BA degree.

ticklebug, my mom actually told me I was too dumb to get into UCs.

Now my sister's applying to my school as a back up, and they didn't even ask me which major she should apply for. My school's really strong with Bio, but she's applying to Econ because her friend said my school's good at econ. ... T_T Yeah, I'd never know about my own school. There's just no way I'll knwo about my own school.

lol.. i searched my dad's phone..

he probably thinks only my mom suspect he has a mistress so he cleared his phone records and his phone numbers... since that's all mom knows how to use.

... >_>;;; bet he didn't think his daughter would be taking pictures of his messages..

well.

I checked, and dad said, "I don't really want to visit america either, I get depressed everytime I go. I think my life has been a big misunderstanding and I don't really care about them. I just hope I'll find the right person for the last half of my life."

.... thanks dad, I love you too.

Its so scary getting out on your own. I know, I'm trying to do that myself. You need to do what's right for you. Urban planners make a great living. I was looking into that as a career myself because my degree is in geography.

Are you in the States? Because there is a university in Kingston, Ontario called Queens that has a really good masters program in urban and regional planning. Its a really good school, one of the top in Canada. It might be cheaper for you to study in Canada if you are in the States. Just a thought. I've heard some American students are doing that.

Anyway, just stay true to yourself and don't lose sight of your dreams.