How to ENJOY being single

0X so i think i'm on my way to enjoying being single. i think. knock on wood. for a long time i was depressed because i am all alone, with no friends and no boyfriend. i was very angry as well, thinking how my ex could leave me like this, miserable and lonely. but i think something is shifting in me, and i would like to take it further. i think instead of being sad and lonely, i would like to look at it from a different perspective. i would like to enjoy being single and be grateful for the time that i spend by myself. i figure that way, when the next person does come along, i'll be a more well-rounded person, and not depend so much on my partner to "make" me happy.

anyway, my question is; how do i continue along this way? how do i not revert back to my usual depressed thoughts of loneliness? i've often felt empty lately, questioning my faith and what i'm supposed to do with my life. they say that the best revenge is living well, but i'm feeling pretty lost lately that i really don't know how to continue with my life and in a healthy, content way. that's why i ask how do i keep going with this mindset of enjoying being single, because i do suffer from depression. and my parents highly recommend against medication. i've been doing things to cope with my depression. i see a psychiatrist, a counsellor, volunteer, go out with classmates and read and play music and do other artistic things as well.

so any advice would help a lot. thanks very much.

im glad to see your takin a step in the right direction. i too one day said i have to get past this & be me times a million again! well, at first it takes sum time to adjust to. but once you put yourself out there & laugh again w/ friends & create a social life for yourself & not having to rely on a lover it becomes progressivly easier & much more enjoyable. start off by truly appreciating your friends & welcome new friends into your life. if you lack a good social circle, i suggest joining a volunteer organization. i tell a lot of enotaloners to consider doing that b/c for one itll boast your self esteem & self worth, giving you a great deal of confidence back which you lacked after breakup & you can meet new caring open minded people. not to mention if you join an animal care organization, or team up to help in Special Olympics, or read to elderly people you are making the world a better place as well! all around its a great idea to get yourself started on living for yourself & focus on sumthin you believe in & makes you feel great about yourself. try it out! & pretty soon you will be purely happy & high off of life once again!

take care & smile!

-DG724

You're already doing wonderful things to cope with depression! Keep up the good work.

Might I also suggest keeping a journal of some sort? I find writing about my day -ranting, sometimes- is very theropudic. Often I revert to writing short stories that are never finished or edited. Usually I resort to poetry. I like to collect quotes as well.

As for the being single thing: you're also well on your way! Most people (especially in high school) have a hard time realizing they need to be a WHOLE person and not HALF a couple. Focus on healing yourself, bringing out your best qualities. If you have to, make a list of every quality you have, good and bad. Rank them. Make a second list of qualities that compliment your "good" and "bad" ....aka what you want in a signifcant other.

This always helps me when I get lonely. I look at how much of myself I have to improve. I don't mean in a "Oh my gosh, I'm such a failure!" sort of way, but more of a To-Do list. When I realize how much of myself still needs attention, and nurture, I think "Why do I want a boyfriend again? I'm not even taking care of myself right now! " Then I treat myself to a nice bath or book.

I hope my post helps you. Realize that there is someone for you, all you have to do is take a break from looking and improve yourself. Being single is a wonderful thing - you can relax and breathe again. I wish you the best of luck! I hope you feel better soon.

i know it sucks 2 be depressed... i have been doin a month of NC and that helped me 2 go out more... i miss my ex like hell and we both cant do anything about it... her older sis told her 2 break up w/ me after a 2 1/2 yr relationship her family didnt know about... let get off mah case u should call ur friends and c how they are... go out with them... go clubbing... thats what made mah life kind of easier and I go 2 NYC whenever i get the time... Big city life has a lot 2 offer if u live near tha city... sometimes life brings bad turns and they hurt and tha pain doesnt go away... take it day by day and go out and enjoy life... goin out helps a lot... if u think about tha past it will hurt u more and it can take months weeks days 2 get over it... i got a theory 2 laugh or scream real loud 2 clear tha mind.... im still in tha stage where i'm fine and other days where i think about her out of tha blue... just go out and have fun and live life 2 tha fullest...

Love itself is Pain with a bitter happiness...

oh i dint see that you already volunteer. thats awesome you ARE indeed well on your way, give it some time to adjust to this new life of yours. it will happen for sure. keep your head up, you already made the biggest step, now you just have to take your time with the rest of it.

-DG724

Ok then! Let me start. I am also single by the way, as are a lot of people in this world.

Well I found these on another website, ok here goes

Number 10

You don't have to tolerate moodiness & nagging

How many times have you been in the doghouse because your partner was livid for reasons you still don't understand? Relish not being the target of her inexplicable mood swings, and the calm that comes when there's no nagging. When you wake up on the couch, you'll know it's because you chose to pass out there.

Number 9

You can gain weight without worrying

Just as you can spend more time buffing up at the gym, you can also just chill and let yourself go for a little while. When you're not on the market, you don't have to worry about looking like a model every day. Go ahead and wear that threadbare Metallica T-shirt. Enjoy the pleasure of occasionally being a slob. Just don't go so far that you can't trim down in time for when you decide to start hunting.

Number 8

You can appreciate your independence

You can use your newfound free time for solitary fun, as well as self-improvement. Being single forces you to do things for yourself, like cook, do laundry and tidy up your pad. Being skilled at many things makes you a more complete, well-rounded person -- a great card to hold when you decide to reenter the dating market.

Furthermore, independence is a great trait, and men will likely notice that you're not the needy, clingy type.

Number 7

You can control your finances

If you've ever been in a serious relationship, you know that, sooner or later, a good chunk of your budget goes into steady lady-maintenance costs. Bachelorhood gives you full financial freedom, and you never have to worry about paying for dinner or buying presents.

However, understand that this does not mean that you will save money -- on the contrary; you might be spending more on partying, buying drinks, dressing well, and so on. But at least you are the master of every single dollar you spend.

Number 6

You have more time for activities

When you're single, you have no reason to sit around doing nothing. Want to harden your body at the gym? Play a new instrument? How about watch the Die Hard trilogy for the 11th time? Who's stopping you?

You can even use the time that you'd spend pleasing a demanding boyfriend to hang with the girls. After all, isn't neglecting your friends one of the biggest sacrifices of couplehood?

Look forward to being spontaneous, not having to answer to anyone and flirting like crazy...

Number 5

You don't have to deal with another's personal habits

You used to cringe when he used your razor to shave. Now there's no irritating habits to tolerate. You can sleep peacefully without him snoring and hog all the blankets without a care in the world. You have no one to pick up after but yourself. Give your patience a well-deserved break and live in unflustered.

Number 4

You can be spontaneous

Being single lets your break out of the numbing cycle of routine. Be daring while you can. Go on a wild Spring Break surrounded by gorgeous college men. Not only will you be doing something out of the ordinary, you can do it without double-checking with someone else first. This is the height of freedom.

Number 3

You can focus on your career/school

Life is a juggling act in which you have to keep the many elements aloft, paying equal attention to each one. But if you let one drop, you can channel your forces to the remaining parts. In the absense of a relationship, you'll have much more time to devote to your work. You can put in those extra hours on a project to impress your boss, and even take on something else. And you don't have to worry about sacrificing your love life, as you'll be single and vigorous.

Number 2

You can be your own boss

Relationships are synonymous with compromise. You eventually have to sacrifice something you really like -- shopping or extra cheese on your pizza -- for the good of the pair. Use your single time to treat yourself a little more. In small doses, selfishness is good for the soul.

Being your own boss also means answering to no one. You got the scent of a mans aftershave all over your clothes? Enjoy not having to explain your actions.

Number 1

You can flirt as you please

Nothing is worse than that nagging voice in your head telling you that you shouldn't be talking to this gorgeous hunk in front of you. Being single gives you the complete freedom to flirt with whomever you want, whenever you want.

It also gives you the chance to sharpen your mojo so that, before you know it, you'll be the master player on your block. Since you're unattached, take this opportunity to master the art of seduction, and who knows what rewards you'll reap.

the bright side of solitude

I hope this is of some help, in a lighthearted way!

Everything has a good side; you just have to learn how to spot it. Society places too much importance on finding a mate, something your hormones are quick to enforce. t/c

DITTO! i love it for all those reasons!!! very well put.

-DG724

Instructions for life

1. Take into account that great love and great

achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's

a. Respect for self,

b. Respect for other's and

c. Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take

immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with

the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds, your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

-DG724

thanks to all who have replied. i got a lot more than i expected, which is a great thing. i didn't realize how on my way i am until someone pointed it out to me. thanks. i hope i am still able to keep going, even with the holidays approaching. everything seems to be slowing down, like the places i wish to volunter at, and my psychiatrist has taken maternity leave. yeesh. so i guess i gotta keep on trucking. thanks so much everyone.

-H-

I will never enjoy life being single. I mean, I am not going to be miserable while being single, but neither will I accept it as my destiny. I don't like being single.

yeah, it's tough being single. i don't want to accept it as my destiny either, and day in day out i am constantly going through this mental battle of "i don't need a guy/i do need a guy" and it drives me nuts. but what i've figured out in the last few days is to accept things the way they are, stop fighting it because the more i fight it the harder it's going to be to live through. i'm not saying that that should be the case for all things. i wouldn't sit here and live with an injustice that i see, but i don't think being single is such an unjust, unfair thing. it's simply a part of life, like birth and death and taking your first steps. it's part of life. and there are so many good things about it, if you really let yourself see it and live it. one thing i refuse to live with is my depression. i keep fighting it everyday, because no one should have to live sad and miserable all the time. i only have one life, and i want it to be a happy one. and yeah, being single sometimes contributes to my depression, but really, it all starts with you. not another person.

I'm in the same boat as the others as well. I have been single for about 4 years. I have tried dating sparingly, but just couldn't meet anyone that would accept my wonderful, cheering sense of humor, or my deep sense of responsibility Anyway, i've noticed i have a tendency to have serious crushes on dates that I know I shouldn't, but sometimes it's eating me up, when things don't go as well as I planned.

On the upside, I tend to imagine things would work perfectly, that miracles would occur to save the day. On the downside, I would prepare for the worst possible outcome, and then i'd feel terribly lonely. I guess I just take dating too seriously these days, and when you're feeling desperate, these emotions compound itself and it's not good.

I think i've ranted enough, and thanx for reading!