Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 28

Thread: If a guy really likes a girl, will he always go after her?

  1. #1
    pip
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Age
    35
    Posts
    240

    If a guy really likes a girl, will he always go after her?

    Just want to ask all the men out there: if a guy likes a girl, will he always go after her? Not necessarily ask her out (I know that takes guts), but at least call her/chase her/try to see her/etc?

    I've been reading that relationships book "He's Just Not That Into You", which basically says that women should not waste their time obsessing over men who aren't interested. The authors argue that if a guy really likes a girl, he will ask her out. They say that men will always go after a girl they like, and if a guy doesn't, it means he's "just not that into you" (hence the title of the book) and a woman should just move on and find someone who *is* into her. She shouldn't chase or pursue a guy, because the theory is that if he likes her enough, he will chase *her*.

    This theory appeals to me - I've spent too many hours getting upset and pining after guys who weren't really into me.. too much heartache

    Do you think it's a good theory? What if a guy is really shy? I'd love to know what other people think

  2. #2
    Holy Torture
    Member Holy Torture's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Age
    27
    Posts
    12
    I am posting as a shy guy.. I don't always go after the girl im crushing on.. as a shy guy I am genuinly afraid of rejection.. The only reason I asked out my current gf was because I had asked a mutual friend to try and pry out some info if she would go out with me..

    So as a rule No if he is a shy guy

  3. #3
    TheIrish

    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    35

    .

    if there shy they usually just glance at you and look away before you see them. and they will do stuff like try to see you a couple times a day like around school and stuff. but if a dude is not interested hes not interested. shy people sometimes its really hard to tell if there interested. when they like you just check if most of the time they always have there feet tapping on the ground around you. sounds pretty childish but for most shy guys this goes away after you talk to them alot. a guy will display signs if hes not interested. NEVER MIXED SIGNALS THOUGH. we dont display mixed signals like well write you a nice letter or note one day then not do it for a long time. it wont really happen if you notice things start to build up frequently after a month, your in luck and the dudes not shy. if you notice things will happen like checking you out usually whenever the dude looks at you theres a good chance he likes you unless your clothes are wacky. well if this happens for longer than 3 months and if hes not a friend and this type of stuff occurs theres a good chance the dude likes you.

  4. #4
    pip
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Age
    35
    Posts
    240
    With all due respect Holy Torture (and without meaning to sound condescending) - I think when you're 15, almost *everyone* is shy. I certainly was!!

    I guess I'm talking about people who've been dating for years - you know, adults who've been 'around the block' for a few years and have been in adult relationships.

    But you make a good point. You know, you should just go for it and show a girl that you like her - it'll make her so excited inside

  5. #5
    rusty_boi
    Bronze Member rusty_boi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Age
    27
    Posts
    556
    Gender
    Male
    id have to say the theory is wrong because some guys think a girl is way outa their league and so they dont botha.

  6. #6
    Double J
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    USA
    Age
    31
    Posts
    731
    Gender
    Male
    It depends on the guy. If a guy is really shy, he probably won't go after her. If he's bold and confident, you can bet your bottom dollar that he'll ask her out. Shy guys tend to be more passive whereas extroverted guys will make the move. Usually a guy's body language and behavior towards a girl gives it away. If I like a girl, I tend to tease her and bother her a lot. But many guys would never do that to a girl they like - they remain quiet and at a loss for words.

  7. #7
    ForAnother
    Bronze Member ForAnother's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Age
    30
    Posts
    944
    Gender
    Male
    I think the reason that not all guys will ask a girl out is cuz... that would be A LOT OF WOMEN... I mean... for me I don't "ask out." I just chill, talk to them here and there... see if I like them. I never "ask out" though. Perhaps its cuz I am only 18, and I go to college. The way I started with my ex was cuz she wanted me to get her some alcohol... so i did a run with some friends and brought it to her. I went into the room... and we talked for a bit. Then it was like "we should do this again sometime" sorta thing.

    I typically don't "ask out" until I know the person. The way I know them is through just normal situations through school... and over time you ask out.

    Now, I don't chase. I am not chased much, and I usually reject if I am chased (I don't like women chasing me, let me to the initiating... k? thnx). I chase if I am really really intrigued by a girl... I mean I gotta be head over heals. If not then I just carry on like I don't even like a girl.

    Can I ask people why they would fear rejection? What have you got to lose? some pride? if you lose pride from that, then you need some help.. possibly very insecure.

    ForAnother

  8. #8
    69_king
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    213
    Quote Originally Posted by ForAnother
    I think the reason that not all guys will ask a girl out is cuz... that would be A LOT OF WOMEN... I mean... for me I don't "ask out." I just chill, talk to them here and there... see if I like them. I never "ask out" though. Perhaps its cuz I am only 18, and I go to college.
    I'm out of college and I don't have any female coworkers my age so the only chance I'm going to get to talk to a girl is by asking her out. It sucks because I can't get to know a girl except by asking her out but I have to ask her out before really knowing her and she doesn't really know me so it can be a little nervous sometimes. I don't know why, it just some chemical thing in your brain.

    Lots of times I think a girl is out of my league, but lots of other times I like a girl and don't want to ask her out because I think I am out of her league

  9. #9
    blequ001
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1

    Simple is best

    Hi

    The notion that there is a direct correlation between a person's fear of rejection and level of insecurity is crap, for so many reasons. For instance, at the root of any sort of acquaintance with another person there is a basis - the perception of shared values or beliefs, shared tangible activities, "chemistry" - something. It happens this way because as humans we are social beings and subconsciously seek acceptance from others and recoil rejection, and are thereforeeee drawn to people and situations where we are likely to be accepted. Its also why most people feel quite intensely nervous just before delivering a speech to a large group, for example. We don't feel like this because we are insecure, it's because it is how we react once we know that we are openly risking our acceptance by other people by addressing them in that way.

    Now you mix this basic instinct with the instincts involved in dealing with the opposite sex and you're bound to have someone affected if rejection occurs. So it does make sense to consider these risks before "asking someone out".

    I will go out on a limb and say that by and large guys are rational with their thinking on most things, including this. They'll weigh up both negatives and positives before taking action, which means that they will not necessarily ask a girl out they "fancy".

    Lack of rationalism here erodes transparency, which obviously means that the risk that something doesn't happen between two people that should, based on the facts, is increased. Mind games, inconsiderate conduct, manipulation - deliberate or not - they're just a few examples of things that don't leave room for rationalism, and thereforeeee transparency.

    My advice? In your situation I think that you should do exactly what I would do - weigh it up. How much do you "fancy" him? (Remember to base your "profile" on your own deductions, not on others' opinions). If you decide its worth pursuing, drop a few clear hints or even "ask him out". This promotes transparency by enabling him to weigh everything up as well.

  10. #10
    gunblade

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    18
    Well, another guy posting
    and well, it just depends on the person, you get guys who, if they like a girl, will ask them out within 5 seconds of meeting them, but there are others who are just much too shy to ask, and they are usually the nicest people, just quiet-ish.
    I've seen a friend (guy) of mine pursue another friend (girl), who he _really_ likes.. but hes just been too shy to ask her out, and maybe a year after they knew each other, and they got close friends, he told her his feelings.. but she rejected him, and hes been getting worse and worse lately, in general, and towards her... but thats another story.

    So that theory in the book, in my opinion, is a bad one.. Shy guys might take a long time to tell a girl his feelings, usually only when he knows her better. So theres no way to know really if someone really likes you, theres always probably hints, the way he looks at you, but not much else



    gunblade

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
Timing for Dates
I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on "last minute" date plans or tentative plans that aren't confirmed until last minute. I'm a planner
Should I be upfront with the guys who I am dating?
I started dating recently again. Should I tell prospective dates that I am divorced with children upfront ahead of the date or not? Initially my
Very strange date stand up! Has this ever happened to anyone ? Thoughts?
Back dating after divorcing a year ago. A nice guy began texting me and we live a bit far (about an hour away from each other). We became friends
After first date who should txt first?
After the first date who should text first? Had a first date, she text me immediately after i dropped her off, she said she wanted to see me again
How to make her fall in love again
So here is the deal. My ex girlfriend and I were together throughout all of college for about 4 years. The past year or so we have had a major rough
How to let someone down easy
Hello all, really needing some advice here. My coworker/friend confessed his feelings for me a week ago. When he did this he sat me down and asked to
Why is it all about SEX?
I haven't been much of a dater. All of my relationships first started off with me and the person being classmates then friends which then moved to a

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Confused about what he wants
I've (21F) been hooking up with this guy (21M) for a few weeks now, but we've also been really good platonic friends for years. I recently got an
Dating Secretly
A few months ago I started dating a man who I am very serious about. I have known him for about a year , and we have a great connection. We are
Why is it all about SEX?
I haven't been much of a dater. All of my relationships first started off with me and the person being classmates then friends which then moved to a
Somethings amiss...HELP!
Hi guys, I have a confusing situation that I need help dissecting. I have been dating "Z" for a little over 2 months (both in mid/late 30s
My Dad has given up on life
So about 10 years ago my Mother died of cancer. My Dad is now in his 70's and over that past 10 years he has just given up on life. - He no longer
BF does not like to take pictures/ Shady AF
My bf has admitted he hates pictures, he just does not like them, so on thanksgiving 2014 I remember I was so excited I wanted to take some pic of
One day " I love you then the next " we're over "
I've never asked for help or done this before so i don't know where to start but here it goes. I have been in a relationship for around 20 months we
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •