Help needed

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Hey Richpyke,

Anytime anyone reveals thoughts or feelings you should evaluate them rather than immediately reject them. You could have told her something like "I am feeling the same way, but lets get to know each other better before we take that leap."

That way she knows that the two of you are on the same page (because it sounds like you are.)

I wouldnt say that you have messed up, I would tell her the truth about your feelings but say that you want to get to know each other more.

The only ones who know if you are falling in love are the two of you. I would say anything is possible, however it may just be feelings of infatuation.

There is no such thing as not getting hurt. You cant avoid it, getting hurt is a part of life. There is no way to approach a relationship without the possibility of not getting hurt.

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Well what does it hurt to start off slow, see each other on the weekends, and then move on from there? Thats what I would say to her.

In a way its kind of cool, because you dont have to worry about spending so much time together so soon, and if things go well on the weekends and you guys decide you are really into each other, then you can take that extra step and move to the same vicinity as her.

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Well I would give it a shot if you really want to continue with the relationship, what have you got to lose?

Well things just got turned upside down and inside out.

What I haven't mentioned is that she was seeing an old mate of mine who I fell out with a few months ago. He has found out that her and I talk and all hell broke loose yesterday evening. That finished with them 2 not being together as far as I knew, until later when someone else told me they were back together.

I asked her about it and she said yes they are, she told him they will see what happens but she knows it wont work. Me and her will still be mates and no one needs to know (it will cause trouble) and then we never know what the future holds.

But now, today shes been funny, but then so have I, I keep going on about my feelings towards her, yesterday she said she did mean it when she told me she was falling for me, but today all I seem to be doing is upsetting myself and probably annoying her.

Now, I know this other bloke very well, I know he wont treat her right etc. but I cant tell her what I know about him because she will think im just trying to get her to leave him. Hecan be very persuasive sometimes though and I can see him bullying her in to staying with him.

Anyone have any ideas how i can make her see sense and realise that I will trat h er a million times better than he will or am I just going to have to wait and let her find out for herself?

If she knows it wont work, then why is she with him? That sounds pretty damn lame to me. It sounds like this girl is playing games with you.

How do you get her to see that you will treat her better?

You dont, she sounds like a girl that likes guys that treat her crap, if thats what your old buddy does. She knows how he treats her (like crap), and she went back to him. End of story.

Be friends with her if you want, but personally I wouldnt hang out with someone who has to hide our friendship from anyone. You sound like a nice guy, go meet someone less lame then her.

If she knows it wont work, then why is she with him? That sounds pretty damn lame to me. It sounds like this girl is playing games with you.

Nah I understand her completely there, I know the bloke well and he would cause her alot of hassel if she left him.

How do you get her to see that you will treat her better?

 

You dont, she sounds like a girl that likes guys that treat her crap, if thats what your old buddy does. She knows how he treats her (like crap), and she went back to him. End of story.

By treating her like crap its along the lines of not giving her the attention she should have especially when someone else is around. Basically there is someone he would much rather be with but she has a boyfriend so he doesnt really stand much chance there, but he still gives her far more attention than the girl I like. Basically if shes around the one I like doesnt get a look in, when shes not then he turns to her. I think she is starting to see that, just wish I could tell her whats going on but the way things are I think she might think Im trying to make him out to be a bad man because I like her.

Be friends with her if you want, but personally I wouldnt hang out with someone who has to hide our friendship from anyone. You sound like a nice guy, go meet someone less lame then her.

It will cause her hassel if he finds out, he got pretty bad over a few rumours flying around about how she likes me. As far as anyone but me and her are concerned these aren't true as neither of us has said anything to anyone about it.

I know alot about her and she comes to me whenever anything goes wrong or goes bad, I am the only one she can trust and the only one there for her all the time. She is a good friend to me too so I'm going to just be friends with her. Should anything else happen then great but I'm not going to hold my breath. I trust her and can honestly say she wont be like she is with my old mate with me, it's different with him because he likes to bully people in to things and if that doesnt work he will make them pity him and if that doesn't work he will cause no end of trouble for them. I would like to be able to get it through to her that, as at the moment both her and me are lying low at the moment as far as social events goes, that if there is trouble it shouldnt matter because we wont be there for it so it shouldn't bother us.

Although I did drop a bit of a bad one when I was talking to a friend I thought I could trust but turns out I couldn't. Hopefully she will still trust me but not too sure on that one.

Anyway, think its just friends and if anything happens then great if not then I got a good friend there (believe it or not she is a good friend to me, even if she is being a bi*ch to my old mate)

Cheers for the help anyway

Right, more on this again lol.

Basically I told her that Im there for her as a mate, that was a few days ago. Yesterday we were talking and she was getting funny and then told me to ignore her cus she is tired and stressed, she wouldn't say what about but I had an idea it was this other bloke.

She went offline at 6.30pm-ish and I heard nothing for the rest of the night until 1.30am when she texted me asking if i was still awake, as I wasnt properly asleep I said I was and she said that she gets in to things she cant get out of, when I asked what things she said guess (so Im assuming the other bloke again) So I asked if it was that but no reply (think she was asleep then)

Basically, Im a mate to her, a good mate. Something needs to happen to get her out of there because she doesnt want to be there. She cant just walk cus it will cause trouble but as both of us are keeping a low profile at the moment now is the best time. Now how can I tell her so it doesnt look like im being funny about the other boke, that she needs to get o ut now if she doesnt want to be there? What can I say? Anyone help please.

Right back again on this one.

I know I shouldn't go there but forget about that bit lol.

Basically I think I have fallen in love with her now. Tried not to but can't help it. She told me a couple of weeks ago she was falling for me and I said it can't be love cus she don't know me properly. Thursday night I told her I think I love her and she said to me I cant because like I said I don't know her. I think I know her well enough to fall in love with her though, we talk all the time etc. She also said its very sweet of me to say that tho. When I said to her that Im not sure what it is but I really think it's love and its scary and weird (cus I havent been in love for a long time and because im scared of getting hurt etc) she said she promises it isnt love.

Earlier I asked her if there is any chance and she said she doesnt know, she loves me as a mate, a best mate etc. But basically said no cus of the distance and what other people will say. I cant give up but dont want to push her away completely. Mates is better than nothing but we both feel the same shes just scared of the distance from what I can see but even when i said a bout moving closer to her she didnt really say anything.

How do I comvince her to at least give it a go? Tried what I can think of which is basically saying dont regret not giving it ago cus it can be something special as out friendship is already even tho its not been long. She says im her best mate already, and i havent known her long so surely anyone can see we could have something special. Just how do I get her to see that.

Does all that make sense?

please delete this topic. cheers