I dispise my father!

Ever since I was born, my father has done nothing but neglect my mum and myself. He's lied and cheated on her countless times and he's done nothing but let me down time after time. I haven't spoken to him in quite sometime and if I don't call him I will never hear from him. After my mother told me about the pain he put her through, I vowed that I as long as I live, I try my best--so help me God--that I will never be like him. He lacks integrity, respect and character and I can no longer look to him has my father.

My girlfriend wants me to reconcile with him but I don't want to, is this healthy? Should I have hatered in my heart for my father; considering what he's put me through in my life? Should I show him mercy once his old age is at hand or should I let him suffer once he really does need me?

I really wish that I had a better relationship with him and I really wish I my kids--when I do in fact have them--could get to know him but I dunno. I can't help hating him but it eats me up inside to do so. Please someone, anyone, I need your help to supress this pain I have inside due to this dark hatred I have for him.

The question that you should ask your self is do you wat to talk to him? If not then I say dont put your self in a place where old wounds will reopen.

i kind of had the same problem, having a weak submissive, and an abusive father who's also cheated. to be honest, although i wanted to never be like him, i can see i'm starting to. i'm starting to drink way too much just like he did, and dabble in drugs a bit. i also get out of hand quite a bit like he did, when it comes to anger management and stuff.

if you have anything to say that could help me get on the right track (whatever that is) i'd be grateful. i don't want to end up like my father at all.

btw, me and my father haven't spoken for about 2.5 years now

You have no obligation to love or like your father. You have no obligation to change your feelings, because you are free to feel the way you do. You cannot deny your feelings, they will always be there. You can try to mask your feelings, deny them in order to be a "good person", but that is really bad for you.

If you try to sweep your feelings under the carpet, particularly aggressive feelings, that will make you self-destructive. Self-destructive people have problems admitting to themselves feelings of aggression towards others, that is why they hurt themselves.

In my family, my mom and my siblings have a long story of depression, even cutting (one sister) except for myself. Not too long ago, one of my sisters (another one) was hospitalized for depression. My mom was then trying to find out what was wrong with my siblings, and how come I was never depressed myself : I told her that the reason is probably that they all live in denial, they're all very religious and when someone hurts them or wrongs them, they deny their feelings of aggression : they simply "forgive" the person.

I am the opposite. When someone hurts me, I hate them to death, even if in most cases there is nothing I can do, I still express openly my feelings of hatred and tell everyone who wants to listen. That's the only difference between me and my siblings. And it's worked very well.

You don't have to feel guilty for your feelings, but accept them as they are.

Thank you guys for your advice. From the bottom of my heart I really appreciate you taking the time out to help me; thanks a million.