My Dad is Dying and deteriorating fast from cancer

I am 28. I went thru a horrible breakup (its been about 6 months) but I am slowly getting over it. But now My father who has cancer and we (my mother and I) thought treatment would be able to help him. It has not, he has tried radiation and chemo pills and in the past weeks it has gotten horrible. He is down to about 114 lbs he was (220) and now he cannot even walk anymore and he has a hard time talking. He probably has maybe a few weeks to live and I do not want to go on anymore myself. My father has been my best friend since I was born. I have no brothers or sisters and my mother who is disabled also is not handling it well. I have no significant other- my family is very small and I guess during the last relationship I lost contact with alot of close friends and do not really have anyone to talk to. Whenever I think about what is going to happen anyday I begin to cry and ask God why this must happen. The man is only 54 years old and has never hurt anyone. In the past 6 months- our family has lost our business, I went thru a terrible breakup and now I am watching my father die right in front of me and there is nothing I can do and I have nowhere to turn and I try and pray and think he will go to heaven and be pain free but I have no motivation anymore and it is so hard to get out of bed in the morning and go to work all day and go on like nothing is wrong when my whole life is falling apart. I am in therapy and it helps a little bit, I am taking anti-depressents but there is nothing that can fix something like this. We are probably going to lose the house soon and who knows where this will all end up but there is no $ and nobody to turn to and I just am so depressed and I cannot take my mind off it and just ask myself why him? why me? Why so young? Why is my family being dealt this miserable hand? What did we do to deserve this and how can I possibly get through this and go on and begin a new life? I just don't want to I wish I could go with him where ever that may be when it happens. And it is going to happen very very soon. Thanks for reading, it feels a little better getting some of these bottled up thoughts and feelings out.

Just know, I am praying for you. I wish I could give you good advice on how to handle your situation, your grief, pain etc... Just hang in there sweetie. God has a plan for all of us (I know you don't want to hear that). You need to stay strong, for your family. May God bless you and your family. You can IM me if you want to. okay? I'll talk with you.

Hey B.G. our best friend Alex went through the SAME thing you are going through with your dad last year. He lost his dad to cancer, and was with him the night he passed.

You are not alone hon.

AIM

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Send me a ping anytime.. day or night. Liek 2rublueeyes21.. I'm here to talk if you need an ear!!!

Gosh, what a lot for you to have to deal with. You and your family are certainly in my prayers.

God bless

my dad is a doctor who works with cancer, and his secretary and friend of 27 years just died from a rare cancer yesterday. i'll pray for both you and my dad tonight. because of my dad's work, i hear all about the struggles that cancer brings for everyone. i really do sympathize, i also think it's unfair that anyone should have to deal with this. if you need someone to talk to, i'll give you my aim name over pm. good luck, and god bless you and your mother.

i want u to know im prayinmg for u too. i think the best thing for u to do now, is something that u think is gonna kill u the most, simle, eveytime u see ur dad, it probally hurts him more to see u upset. im not saying pretend like nothing is wrong, just when u see ur father, smile, it'll probally help him feel better 2. i think this poem explains everything, it may help u, link removed, link removed, is also nice.

i hope i could help.

just remember that were praying for you.

hockeywarrior

My friend, my father died from cancer 4 years ago. I know exactly how you feel.

You must know that your father will want you to go on. He's proud of you because you get to carry on his name and his legacy. He's been preparing you for this day since you were born as he knew eventually you would have to go on without him.

Focus on the time you have left with him. Its precious. Leave nothing unsaid so you have no regrets. If there are any hurts between the two of you, fix them now. Talk about some of the good times you had together. Share some memories, laugh about the good times. I still remember doing that with my dad the last time I saw him. It was really special. We cried together too. I said my goodbyes.

You didn't do anything to deserve this. And neither did your father. Good people get dealt lousy hands sometimes. But how you play your hand is what makes you a fine person.

I'm glad you are in therapy and getting some medication. Those will help. You may not think they will, but eventually they will. Its going to hurt. I'm not going to patronize you and say it won't. But you will get through this. Your father will look down on you from heaven beaming with pride and saying "that's my boy down there".

You will still be able to talk to him. I still talk to my father. He will be able to hear you, even if he can't answer you. As long as he's in your heart, he will live on. Your father would want it that way.

God be with you and your father. I pray for peace and comfort for all of you and strength to face whatever may come.

Please let me know if I can help you in any way.

avman

It's coming up on the two year anniversary of the day I lost my mother to cancer.

Losing a parent is probably second only to losing a child as the hardest person in your life to lose. And watching someone die, watching them go through such horrible amounts of pain and knowing there isn't anything you can really do to ease it is the worst feeling in the world.

Whether you have a few weeks or a few days left, you should spend it with your father. You're worrying about a lot right now, and I know it's hard to try to let go of all the other issues and all the other worries that are playing on your mind, but the important thing right now is for you to spend the time you have left with your father. Making sure he knows how much he means to you.

You have to allow yourself to feel the pain, allow yourself to take it out of you and look at it and let any feelings that come to you flow through you. Bottling it up, trying to hide from your feelings isn't going to work. I'm glad you're in therapy, though I know how much better it can be to talk to an actual friend, someone who actually knows who you are and how you cope with things. I didn't have many friends at my side when my mother passed either, but the few that were there made quite the difference.

During this time, make sure to take care of yourself, and realize that, as bleak as the future now seems, life will go on. You will be able to pick up and start back with life in time. But you do have to give yourself the time to grieve. My thoughts are with you and your family, and I pray for as painless as possible a passing for your father.

I'm so sorry that you and your family have to go through this,

My father has cancer as well(Bone Cancer)and its something

you can never adjust to...my father had to take several treatments

until he got fed up with it, now hes no longer taking the treatments and

is actually doing better now than he was when he was getting the

treatments...most of the time these types of medical treatments(Radiation/Chemo) do more bad than good.Just spend every minute

you can with your father and cherish this time that you have and I

wish you the best of luck.

my dad died in january from cancer...i was with him in hospital and when he died i was holding his hand. he was on 10mg of morphine so he probably had no idea but i like to think that he did know.

my life, since then has gone downhill. my dad was the foundation to my life, he was a single parent and always cared for us, a really special dad.

now i have to do without him and i hate it. i have a jacket he owned that still smells of him, and the pillowcase that was on his pillow, still smells of him...its really comforting.

well i am the one who wrote this post on 10/31/04. I want to thank everyone who read it and especially everyone who replied. My dad did die on 11/25/04 at 54- Thanksgiving morning. At first it was a shock and I really did not accept it was true. Then you get the phone calls and the cards which still keep you from really feeling and accepting it. After everything wears off it hits you and you realize it --- he is gone and not coming back---- It will be nine weeks on thursday and it has been a strange nine weeks. I think because I knew it was going to happen and the fact I was able to express my feelings to him and he knew how I felt I almost was prepared before it happened. I try to convince myself he is certainly in a better place now and that I can look to him or talk to him when I am in need or want advice and somehow he will answer. I have to say it is terrible losing a father who is so young and such a great man but if anybody is going through this be sure to spend as much time as you can with them you will surely remember afterwards and be sure to let them know how you feel. Two days before my dad died I told him he was my #1 fan and he said the same to me. I guess looking back I was lucky to have that opportunity instead of losing someone unexpectedly. It certainly is no consolation but I am doing better than I thought I would be if you look back at my original post on 10/31/04 and I would strongly suggest you do- you will see that at that time I did not want to go on anymore and especially did not want to live after dad passed. However, I am sure wherever he is right now- he would want me to go on and get as much as I can out of life while I am still here and after my time is through he will be waiting for me and we will be reunited once again. I love you dad and I hope I can make you proud forever. Also---- the day before he died he told me how proud he was of me and I guess that also helps me know that I made him happy and we left each other on loving terms.

Brian

My father died from Cancer a year and a half ago. I too was able to speak to my father about his death before the actually event. He told me that he was not afraid and that in the days preceeding his death, he fealt like a "ghost." I am so at peace with his death because I did have the chance to say good-bye. We are lucky for that... Also, when I am still and quiet and I miss and need him, he is there. There are signs that he will leave you, if you really pay attention. Your father is still there, even though you can't see him. Take comfort in that!

B.G., I don't know if you're still on this site, but I want to thank you for following up with your post. You've given me hope. My dad called me five days ago to tell me he's found out that he has inoperable, advanced-stage cancer, and these past five days have been the hardest of my life. Actually yesterday was the hardest. I knew intellectually the first few, but it was almost hard to believe. Yesterday it hit me like a freight train. And as I laid in bed last night, I was wishing I had a gun. Not just over this, but the past two-and-a-half years have been one tragedy after another, and how much can one person take? But today I'm feeling a little better. I know in many respects of our impending ordeal the worst is yet to come. However, your post gave me hope that there's a light at the end of this grim, morbid tunnel. It won't be easy, but I'm going to try to trust that it's there. Thank you--it has really helped.

Yes I am still here on the site now and then. I am glad my information has helped you. I have to say now it has been a bit over 5 months and it really does not get that much easier. I guess it takes a really long time. I believe I have made alot of bad choices and my attitutde has changed for the worse but again you have to go thru these phases I guess to realize for yourself you are making bad decisions. I still am lonely have little motivation and am lazy I guess and depressed but I cannot blame it all on the death of my father- i have to start moving forward and doing postive things for myself ---- things i know would have made him happy--- instead of living in denial or trying to escape reality. I have to say friend it is a tough road to travel down and it takes alot of time. I am still at the beginning of the road and I hope you also spend the last precious days that you can with your father not everyone has that opportunity.

BG

Cancer is a terrible thing not just on the patient, but on their entire family and network of friends. For some the time between diagnosis and death is very quick...within weeks sometimes. For others, it can take years of chemo, radiation, surgeries, remissions, relapses before death occurs. Even when you are in remission, cancer is always in the background looming around the corner.....it changes you, and it changes everyone involved.

I have known many people to die of many different things, but cancer is definitely one of the worst to see in terms of the toll it takes along with the treatments and once the person with cancer passes away, and they are at peace, the family is still left with the pain that drugs cannot cure. That is the same for deaths of all kinds of course, but watching someone die slowly can be a huge emotional toll and burden.

B.G. Thanks for letting us know how you are doing, it sounds like while you are still battling the emotional cost that your dads illness and death had, you are able to see the way to get back on your feet and heal.

Phoenix, cherish the time you do have and of course anytime you need come here to talk. I have lost very very close loved ones as well, and while my parents are still well, I do worry sometimes about the day they are no longer here so I can imagine the pain and am very sorry for your situation....my thoughts to your father, you, your family and friends.

Brian,

My dad has also passed recently. He left us on the 16th of April so I completely understand your feelings. I too think there are benefits to them ailing before passing. I feel he left about as wonderfully as a person can. He was also a wonderful man, admired and loved by those of us lucky enough to be a part of his life. I'll miss him but really know he's in a better place.

Jetta - I'm sorry to hear about your dad {{{hug}}}.

And hugs to you too B.G. I've talked to several people this week who have been through a similar road as mine, yours and Jetta's, but several years out of it. They have assured me that it does get better over time. I guess intellectually I know that it must, but hearing it from someone who has gone through this helps.

Mine certainly has to...I'm a consultant, and thought I was doing the right thing by giving my client a heads up that I'll be needing to take some time at some point but would keep them posted as much in advance as possible. Despite their understanding, I found out yesterday that my client has decided to transition my knowledge and roll me off the project. So in a few weeks I'm also going to lose my job.

I have a mortgage, truck payment, etc. I'm not married or even in a relationship, so the physical, emotional and financial burden of this house and life in general is all on me.

I'll make it through all this though. Just needed to vent. I can't tell my dad or brother that my job went in the toilet. I don't want to add to what they're already dealing with, and my dad would feel particularly awful that this has happened.

Thanks for being there, guys. We'll all get through. And thanks RayKay for being out there for anyone in need.

Well, gotta start looking for another job, and see if I can rent out a bedroom pretty quick to help with the mortgage and utilities. I WILL find a way through this.

BG, are you still an active member of this forum? I realize all of these posts are very old, but I am searching for others who have been through what I am going through. I believe my dad only has a few days, if even, left. Your situation sounded VERY similar to mine. I am only child and my dad is my world, he means everything to me. (As does my mother.) He was diagnosed with cancer (turns out to be liver) on Nov. 13th. It is the 27th of Dec. now and I don't think we have much more time with him. I love him so much and it hurts so bad.

My father has had and survived cancer about four times and he's 77 years old. I think it's likely, unless he has a heart attack (another one, the last one was not fatal) that I will be sitting in your shoes with him later. I don't know if there is anything I can say because nothing can take away the pain of the loss of someone you love.

I just wanted to say that I will pray for you, and your family. If you want, you can PM me when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Savannah

Cmeier10,

I am sorry to hear about your father. I see that you posted a few months ago. I hope you are doing ok. My father has been fighting the cancer battle for almost four years. He has been going through chemo the entire time. Last thursday he sat me down to tell me that the chemo is no longer working and it is doing more harm than good. They can only measure in months. He is my best friend. His goal is to make it to hold my first baby...(i am 4 months pregnant) I don't know what I am going to do without him. I don't think that everything will end up ok. I don't know how to live without hearing his voice everyday. I can't even imagine that people go through this kind of pain all the time. Sometimes I can't breathe when I think of what is really happening. It doesn't feel like it could possibly be real and I keep hoping and praying for some sort of miracle. My heart goes out of any person in a similar situation and I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy!

I am new to this site, and honestly I thought that I would never have to utilize a site like this, but I am up trying to work on a midterm but instead trying to find some answers and comfort. My dad was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer last september. It has now spread and there is nothing else we can do. I am a only child and my father is my world. I am due to be married in December of this year and graduate from grad school in May. I have so many exciting things happening to me this year, but I cant even enjoy any of them. I am so drained from the constant back and forth. It seems like some days we see little rays of sunshine, and then the next we take 10 steps back. My father is only 59. He will never hold his grandchildren or walk me down the isle at my wedding. I was wondering if anyone else on this site lost a parent before their wedding, and if so how did you deal with it? Did you do a tribute of some sorts?

I'm 14 years old, and my dad's dying of prostate cancer. In December 2007, he told me that in 10 months he would have to be put into a hospice. It's not even June yet, and he's so close to death. He's been sick since I was in 5th grade, but since all the chemo and steroids last year he's been dying...so fast. I have so many control issues, and seeing my dad just....rot in front of me is utterly depressing. He slurs when he talks, he's forgetting regular things, like what day it is, he can't drive...he's lost so much weight. It's like, I want him to just die already. I can't stand seeing him sitting around dying so slowly and painfully. I feel evil when I wish he would die, but I really wish he would. I hate having nightmares about it. I deny that I even care, but I have all the symptoms of depression. I wish my mom would be more persistent in getting me a therapist, but, then again, we don't have any money to pay for it. I just...really wish I believed in God at a horrid time like this.

NLY35,

You need to talk with someone....Hospice, Funeral homes, churches have counsellors on hand for free. I lost my wife last year, and the counsellors kept me sane. Please try to get some support, it's a huge burden to bear. I wish you best during this crappy time.

Feel free to PM me...OK?

KG

KG, I really admire you. You have taken your pain, learned from it, and now seek to help others. I am truly humbled. There is a special place in heaven for you. The world is a better place for having people like you in it.

B.G., where are you located. Have you looked into any clinical trials? If the radiation and chemo are not helping, you may be able to find alternative treatments that will help.