is 19 year age difference to much??

I just wanted to get some comments from people about how they feel about age difference. Do you think a 41 year old man should date a 22 year old woman?

I don't think that there is anything wrong with age difference at all. My mother married a man twice her age (she was about 40, he was 80).

I think that as long as you are thinking on the same wavelength and are happy with eachother, there is no need to worry about age.

Age doesn't matter!! It's what you feel for each other and what makes you happy!!

I dated/lived with a guy who was 18 years my senior. When we met I was 34 and he was 52. Relationship lasted about 2.5 years. We got along pretty well...until he decided he had to have more than one gf at a time... Oh, I laugh about it now, but at the time it was devastating.

Really, the cheating has nothing to do with age...that can happen in any relationship...even at an age where he should have known better.

What's really important is how the two of you relate to each other. If you start getting wrapped up in what other people (including family) think, you're screwed six ways to Sunday no matter if your ages are 2 years apart or 20 years apart.

I am rather against it because I had a bad experience, however everyone is different. I believe that there is just about no way they would have anything in common and the timing would be all wrong for certain milestones: marriage, children, college, careers, etc. I just don't see how these relationships work. The biggest age gap I've personally experienced was 5 years, and it was way too much for me. I ended up being his mother and it drained me because he didn't know anything about life. If I wanted another kid I'd just have one, is the way I looked at it. He just wasn't on the same path as me, and it really put a strain on us and eventually it ended because I was worn out from taking care of him and showing him the ropes at everything. I didn't feel like I had a partner in life, but rather another dependent. I needed someone who could return what I was giving to him. To support me better emotionally, not so much financially, but to have the drive to succeed and be a good provider.

If you get involved in a relationship like that, I would think the older person would need to have nerves of steel and be a really patient person. I also don't really understand why anyone older would be interested in being with anyone so much younger because I always thought that your partner should compliment you personally and emotionally, by being able to understand where you're coming from with your feelings, and how would they be able to do that if they haven't even been where you have yet?

Different strokes for different folks I guess

It depends on the people. I could be with a guy that old (not that it's 'old', but much older than me!), but he would still have to have a lot of energy and be up for the same things that I am. I also think it would be strange if he had three or four kids around my age.

Age wouldn't matter to me, as long as the guy is still young at heart. An older guy whose idea of a fun night is to watch 'Dallas' or 'Knots Landing' reruns and has a 'bedtime' of about 10pm would probably bore me into an early grave.

Do i think its badm, yes but does that doesnt mean the relationship wont work. For some people age gap relationships work. I dont believe that two people who are born in two different decades can have all that much in common. Can they be friendly with eachother, sure they can but one of the persons has to have something lacking with them in order for the relationship to work.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: as long as THEY ARE HAPPY, who cares about age? Love is love, no matter who you are. If two people really click, and the relationship is LEGAL, then more power to them!

I don't think that it is up to us to think whether the gap is too much, as long as yourself and the woman is happy, then give it a go!

As with other people gossiping..etc, remember that yesterdays news is old news.

goodluck

PEople gossip because they have nothing better to do with their lives. In other words, they HAVE no lives, and they're probably jealous of your situation, whether they realize it or not. Just ignore it. It's immature and childish of them.

I have to say that reading this post on this forum has given me more hope in people who are remaining open minded. I have recently fallen in love with a man who is 44 and I'm 23. When we're together, the age thing doesn't even seem like it exists. We're completely open and honest with eachother, and have known eachother for about 8 years--

I don't want things moving too fast, but things just take its course. Additionaly, I wanted to say that letting the family issues get involved is a #1 hazard. Its an obstacle that has to be reached soon... Thats the only thing I have to worry about at this point in time.

I haven't told him that I've really fallen for him, but its coming soon.

Additionaly, I wanted to say that letting the family issues get involved is a #1 hazard. Its an obstacle that has to be reached soon... Thats the only thing I have to worry about at this point in time.

That is a very good point. I totally agree. It seems the family / parental stumbling block doesn't seem to get as much consideration as it should. In my opinion, the family issue is perhaps one of the greatest problems to be overcome with an age gap relationship. It's really tricky to decide when to spill the beans to the family as well. Spill them too early and there may have been no point as the relationship may not last anyway. Leave it too late and this could just magnify the problems.

For my own part, I am extremely supportive of age gap relationships, even though I am well aware of the disadvantages. But for my own part, I think the thing that would concern me above all else is what my partner's parents would make of me (I would be the much older party). Everything else I can get my mind around, probably because I have some sort of direct control over it. But not the partner's family side of things. It's not always easy to have any degree of control over other people's opinions of you.

Others opinions can be very VERY intimidating, especially in a wider age-gap relationships. My parents are in their 60s, and most of my siblings are in their 40s and 30s-- so I'm used to the older generation mentalities and atmosphere.

Its good to keep an open mind when it comes to love. You just never can tell who or when its going to hit, and what form it will take. People who have truly been in love before know exactly what I'm talking about.

>FOLLOW YOUR HEART, and forget about the ideas that are imposed on you by society...

True heart, I feel for you. I'm 23 and I have a hopeless addiction to a 41 year old man. Not that he knows it of course! I sympathize with the 'older generation mentality' you mentioned. I just never feel quite like I belong with people my age. I don't drink or smoke or club, or go to the casinos and play poker--not because of religious reasons or some great ethical stumbling block, but simply because...it's boring. The greater number of my friends are in their fifties, because it's so difficult to find someone near my age who I can have an interesting conversation with. I think it's perfectly natural that I'm attracted to the man who I am attracted to...but I'm too shy to ever mention it, and the age gap makes it worse. Do you have any suggestions, anyone?

Well I'm 37, and having worked with a huge number of male colleagues over the years, I've actually found that (on average), once they are about 30 +, their conversational abilities and their ability to intellectually stimulate appears to have reached it's peak. This peak, of course, lasts a very long time

So I'm a little surprised that you say you need to get into the 40s to get the mental stimulation you crave. I would have thought there were heaps of blokes from their late 20s onwards who would just as good a job for you.

I just wonder if you've been looking in the right places. I mean, I don't drink, smoke, gamble or go to pubs or nightclubs (and I didn't when I was younger either). I also find intellectual females stimulating company. And I'm sure 200 other blokes could log in here this very minute and say exactly the same thing.

Maybe you should just be widening your search out a bit.

You're right I'm sure. The thing is, I've never been particularly attracted to men in their forties before--I think it's just something about this person in particular, Mister Cactus my friend. I suppose I was generalizing with my comments--sorry about that! I've never found a large difference in ages either desirable or appealing until now, and I think that that is why I am so concerned.

Hey, maybe then you can contribute to my "research" on this topic? I find it very interesting that you feel you have "changed" recently in this way. Please see my other post in the Personal Growth forum if you have a couple of spare moments, as I would be very interested in your contribution

To be honest, my last BF was 10 years my senior, and I thought that was for sure as old as I'd ever go! I do also look at the fact that its not just people in their 40s, its just him. Strange how love can take so many faces, places and times. I too have a hard time connecting with those of my own age group. I still like to do all those things mentioned, and strangely, my new crush does also. Its almost as if I wish I was born earlier.

It's usually about who you are in the relationship, not how old you are. My wife and I are quite happy with our 15 year age gap because our relationship is based on love and respect. There have certainly been some problems in our 22 year marriage but few of them were about our ages.

I will say it over and over again. It's about the relationships, not the age. Could the age gap cause problems? Of course. Show me a relationship that has no problems, though. I say go for it and see what happens. My wife was 23 when we started dating. I was 38. We've now been married 22 years and it's just getting better.

This is one topic that I can definitely provide a little prospective to. I am 29 and my husband is 47. Now you can take it how ever you want, but if I had known in the beginning what thigns would have turned into, I would have definitely thought twice before we married.

We have been together for 8 years. And I have not always thought this way. In the beginning, he was my best friend, my lover, and my constant companion. I would find myself feeling lost if I was away from him. I still love him with all my heart but I wish I had known more about what would lie down the road. I find him extremly sexy and alluring still to this day, even more so than when we first started dating.

Our problems started about 3 years in. I got pregnant. I had two children already and so did he. I thought that this would be something that wwe could have together. To in a way bind our family into one. Well, he got all insecure and immediately I had had an affair with someone I had worked with because there was no way he could have got me pregnant.... it just didnt make sense... ( I had a paternity done to prove to him I had never strayed hoping to show him that he was the only one I wanted)... well before I knew it I was worse than the painted lady. We separated for 6 months during my pregnancy.

At the end of the pregnancy, we started dating again. Thought everything would be great from there on out or at least good. I have done nothing but try to please him every since day 1. And the longer that we are together, and the older our son gets(he is 5 now), the more restless he becomes. I have done nothing but been a good wife and mother to all of OUR children. I have even been as good as I can to his who hate me with a passion just because it is embarrassing to them when I pull my rank when defending them. (Thier mother is not what you would call a mom... more of a friend) They appreciate that I stand up for them, but refuse to let me be close to them. But they never hesitate to call my by "My (Name)" or "My Dad's Woman" or "Her". I do not pull rank or what ever unless it is my husbands family dogging them or in the case of my oldest (he has a newborn son and his gf left him and refuses to let him see the baby unless he gives her money he dont have to give making him ask his dad for it) where it comes to his ex. I am well aware of this and understand this and only use it with those who seem to forget that I am Sister in law not niece or grandaughter.

I have always been told I had an old soul. I have never been particularly interested in much that my generation did. And to be honest, I thought I had found my other half to my soul.

Here is the thing someone who is thinking about getting involved with or is attracted to a significantly older person should consider:

People change

Your personality changes as you experience life

What happens if there is a child in the relationship

Do you think that this person would be willing to start with another young child after having almost raised thier own?

What happens if he/she becomes insecure because of low self esteem or mid life crisis.

If you are 30'ish and are interested in an older person, great go for it. But I myself would not suggest that someone in their 20's think for one second that just because you mesh well now it will last. You still have a lot to experience and that will change who you are. You are only beginning to "awaken" to life. Experiences may make you regret your decision later in life. You need to take time and discover all the different things life has to offer before settling yourself into something that may be bigger than what you had origionally expected.

I love my husband. I have no plans of anything changing anytime int he near future. But if I had it to do all over again, I probably would have just let our seperation be permanent when I was pregnant. Or at least I would have let go of the marriage idea. I would not have got married. I love my lifestyle and I love my family no matter how disfunctional it can be at times. I committed myself to this and I plan on seeing it through to the end.

But I would not advise anyone under 30 to become involved with anyone over 10 years thier senior. The age gap causes uncertainty in men and thereforee, regardless of what a woman does, she cannot "FIX" it or try to make them see anything. It won't come for a while. But just as with any relationship, the honeymoon wears off and the novelty fades. Then the "she is going to be lured by a younger man" sets in. It is jealousy magnified by each year's difference.

Each situation is different I think. But I still stand by my origional belief. I would not do it. Be friends. Experience life. If by the time you turn 28 or 29 you are still attracted to the person or if you think it is really what you want then by all means go for it. But not under 25-27. You still have so much to learn and see and realize. I know. I am still opening my eyes to what life is really about and what things really mean.

i'm 21 and my boyfriend is 36. we've been dating for over a year and it has been a wonderful relationship. we have had our difficulties dealing with societal responses to our relationship, but if you love someone it is very easy to ignore the disapproving glares. good luck

I feel as though this post was a little judgmental. I would love it if Day_Walker could find something that lacks in me. I know tons of men who would love to be in my life who are my own age and who would disagree that I lacked anything. The only thing that makes my 15 year age gap relationship differ from any relationship is that we have to deal with people who see the age difference rather than our love. I'm sorry, but I felt I had to respond. I thought that this was a very personal insult to me.

Do i think its badm, yes but does that doesnt mean the relationship wont work. For some people age gap relationships work. I dont believe that two people who are born in two different decades can have all that much in common. Can they be friendly with eachother, sure they can but one of the persons has to have something lacking with them in order for the relationship to work.

(sorry the quote didn't carry over from my last post! but this was what I was referring to)

There are 22 years between my parents. They have been married 30 years and love each other very much. Their relationship is really solid.

However....

.... it wasn't easy for them when they got together. My mother's family in particular found it rather difficult to come to terms with. They wouldn't have dreamed of standing in their way, but were uncomfortable, and my father feels he was never truly accepted into their family.

When I was growing up, people used to think my dad was my granddad, and I found that hard, especially in my self-conscious teenage years. I admit I do still sometimes find they way people react to my dad's age to be difficult.

The biggest problem, I think, with the age gap in their relationship is that my father is now 80 and my mother is only 58. Dad's not in good health. He has lost his eyesight and has various other problems. This means my mother is pretty much his full time carer. Of course when you love someone you accept these things, and when you get married you vow to stick with them in sickness and in health, but it makes me so sad to think that my mother has to devote her life to this, she can't do anything just for herself, and there is very little they can do toegether anymore. Her years are ticking away like this, and one day he'll die, and then she won't have her companion anymore....

.... what I am trying to say is that I think age gap relationships are fine, and love will overcome problems. But please, please, picture yourselves in the future when one of you is elderly and infirm while the other is still in the prime of life, and just have a think about it.