My dad loves me I know but why doesnt he show that he does?

My dad loves me i know. My parent a divorced and I live with my mom. My dad only lives 19 MILES AWAY and I havent seen him for weekes. His dumb g/f doesnt like me and I sure dont like her. I love me dad and I want to see him. But why doesnt he want to see me? I'm so lost and confused. Is there something wrong with me, or is it him? He always says that I cant come over because he's bussy. Is he really or is he just trying to get away from me. Isnt that illegal or something for him to not let me to come over? HELP ME OUT PLEASE[/i]

Hey there Barbie, and welcome to eNotAlone!

Since you know that your father loves you, try not to get too worked up about this situation. It could very well be that he has been rather busy lately, but I do think he should make some time for you. Why not call him up and suggest the two of you make a lunchdate next week ALONE so you don't have to deal with his girlfriend and neither does he? Even if he has been rather occupied, by planning something in advance he should be able to fit it into his schedule.

There's no way for us to know whether or not he's trying to avoid you, but I have to admit that this seems rather unlikely since he is your father. Perhaps he's been having problems in his relationship and that's why he hasn't been seeing you all that much? As for the legal aspect of it all, it's not as though he's forbidden you not to come over; he just hasn't had the time.

Hi,

Yes, I agree. Your Dad does love you. No, however, I don't think it's illegal for him to not let you visit.

There could be many reasons why he's not seeing you just now. Perhaps it's as you say, he's kind of caught between you and his girlfriend. I guess you and she probably fight a bit, huh? Well maybe that makes him upset, because if he's a normal person, he'd probably want you to get along well with his girlfriend.

Which may be hard for you to do, since divorce is really hard on kids your age. My niece had her parents divorce when she was around 12, and she suffered. I could see that her whole world was shaken by that, since we grow up with Mommy and Daddy, and then one of them leaves. Kids are the real victims of a divorce.

But there's something that is really important for you to do. That is, ask yourself how you can make this problem into something positive. Maybe if you ask your father directly why he doesn't see you, you'll be able to have a real heart to heart talk, and then you'll grow a stronger relationship with him.

You know your situation, so ask yourself that question about how to gain from all this. Good luck, I feel for you.

Hi,

First, your Dad loves you.

That being said, I agree he needs to spend more time with you. Unfortunately, some people do not have their priorities where they should be: family and friends should be first, work should be further down on the list.

The problem is that our world today is set on too fast of a speed. People feel they must cram all kinds of things in their day, while the important things...time with loved ones...slip by. I am afraid that many grown-ups do not realize this, but children often have their priorities much more sensibly arranged.

So...you can show your dad how it's done. Be the one to call him...often. Send him little emails, notes, YOU be the one to stay in touch. Call him before you go to bed a few nights a week, just to say "I love you, and just wanted to find out how your day went before I go to bed." Suggest fun things you can do together. What does your Dad enjoy doing? Take that hobby up as well.

The point is, not all adults have their heads on straight...although their intentions might be good. So, you will have to be the proactive one here, and make a big effort to stay in touch with your dad. I guarantee that after a while, he'll be calling and staying in touch with you more, and doing more things with you.

Keep us posted.

i kno how u feel about ur father mines the same way...but mayb ur dad really is bussy what u really need to do is sit down with him and be like "Dad i really want to see u is there any possible way u can make time to spend with me" mayb if u talk to him about how u feel it will make things better....if u ever need ne other advice on this subject im good at it soo just let me kno and ill help u

I am a father of 3 and 1/2 year old. Her mother and I got separated about two year ago. Since my daughter is too young, It will be hard for her to spend 1/2 time with me and 1/2 time with her. She comes to my place two to three times a week.At early age I know I wanted to be a father specially a father of a daughter. The special love Shared between a father and a daughter was something I very much wanted to experience for myself.

Your father might be busy, but I can assure you he loves you very much. Please follow Scout's.advice. Call him and talk to him…Do not wait until he calls. I wish my daughter can pick up a phone and call me.

I call her everyday even though sometimes she does not want to talk to me because she is too busy playing. Keep posting and let let us know the progress ok.

I was once at odds with my father as well, but the weird thing was it wasn't a girlfriend that came between us, it was my mother. He was so deeply in love/obessed with her that it seemed like none of the three of us kids mattered near as much as her. That, and he wasn't ever really good at expressing his feeling. I was about your age when I finally heard the words "I love you" from him. It sucked.

However, it does get better. 7 years later, and my father called me on me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday since I was too miserable(I have the flu) to come down and visit with him. My parents too separated and things were really hard for a while, but they are getting easier now.

What is it about your father's girlfriend that you don't like or what makes you think she doesn't like you? It may just be as simple as a fight for his attention and it could be something the three of you could work out. You should call him and try to see him, explain to him how you feel, but also realize that he has to give a little too. I do believe your father loves you, he may just be dealing with more than he wants you to know. Our parents sometimes like to pretend they are a lot stronger than they are for our sake.

From my experience, I do believe it will get easier and that you and your father will form a closer bond as you grow older. It sucks right now, but in the end it will be worth it. But you don't have to wait for him to come to you, you can go to him and show him how much you want to see him. I wish you luck and hope you are able to spend the time you desire with your father. Best wishes.

hey everyone,

ok, everymorning he use to call me right before school. yeah it was a little quick hi have a good day blah blah Bye. But heres the thing the reason i HATE my dads g/f (yah i know Hate is a very strong word) but my dad cheated on my mom, and then he tried to hide it when i found out. you wanna know how i found out. I know this is really bad and snoppy but my mom and brother knew that something was fishey about him cuz he wouldnt come home at night and so i decited to look threw his phone book and BOOM there was her name so I asked him who she was and he said oh shes just a lady that i'm doin a job for, WELL HELLO DAD THE JOB THAT YOU WORK(self-employed) YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE THEIR PHONE # IN UR PHONE BOOK. But he just keep saying that she was just a "friend". But finally one day one of his friends asked me if i liked her and i said HUH i dont know what your talkin about. so yeah thats how i found out about her. Plus then after that He MADE me stay at her house and then whole night i cried and cried filanny i cried myself to sleep. But see I've tried REALLY REALLY hard to get him to see that I love him and I want to spend time with him, and hes selfemployed he can make time for me on the weekend. See hes said that he doesnt want me over and that he just wants to go out to eat like 2 a month. Well thats really hard because he wanted a GIRL so bad and he got one and now hes treatin me like i'm nothing. My dad said that i was his # 1 thing in the whole world, and i know if hes happy with his g/f then i should be happy for him right? WELL I'M NOT. and its so hard to talk to him because in the end we always end of fighting and yelling at eachother. Now dont you think that makin me stay at his g/f's house was just a little RUDE!!!

Hey Barbie,

That's a tough story. My brother-in-law cheated on my sister, and that's why they divorced. It was my sister, though that caught him. He was just completely insensitive, in addition to being unfaithful.

It's really sad that this situation has happened to you, and it is completely unfair. You have been treated poorly, and I agree that making you stay with your father's girlfriend was also insensitive. Kids are supposed to have a solid, loving, trustworthy home to grow all the way up in, and somehow that was taken away from you.

You have a right to a father who loves you, and your father has a responsibility to be there for you first and foremost. And he certainly does love you, but as Scout observed, some grownups just don't have their priorities straight. He behaved badly, but he is your father. He, like every human being, has his weak points and his wonderful points.

You are being asked to do a very mature thing now, and to accept your father with his flaws, and even with his girlfriend. You don't have to like her, you don't have to stay in her house. You don't have to forgive her, certainly until she asks. You can learn a great skill in your devotion to your father even while you recognize his mistakes. And in the end, you may be the reason he becomes a better person. That's a lot to put on a kid, but reality is what it is, and we can rise to the challenge.

I feel the best thing for you to do is to communicate. Posting on this wonderful forum is great. Even more, talk to your father. Nudge him a bit, call, email. Take him up on a trip to the movies, or whatever you like to do. Keep talking, express yourself honestly and respectfully. Thats' the best you can do.

hey barbie,

first off how are ya holding up. family is a tough thing. my mum left my dad when i was seven with my two brothers im now nearly 17 ive seen my dad once in that time when i was 10. my mum has a new husband and two new kids i hate my step dad and yes i agree with you hate is a strong word but hell when you hate someone you know it so i feel the same!!! you know your dad loves you as i know my dad loves me, honestly i just think your dad is selfish he has a child (maybe more than one i dont know) from a previous marrage (your mum) thats his responsibility and clearly he isnt taking it.what he is doing is wrong clearly you want to see him and he is treating you second grade to his new g/f which is wrong you deserve more.i understand how you feel about everything just turning into a fight my best advice is to try one more time to talk to your father and tell him how you feel but start off with "dad i want to tell you sumfin but in order for me to tell you, you have to promise not to interrupt me or start yelling" once he agrees proceed and tell him everything, absolutely everything!!! then sit down and do the same thing with your mum and get her to help you with your dad and dont forget she might need support from you to she has lost a husband i can see you have a strong spirit the best thing i was taught is to never loose that spirit!! its yours dont let anyone take that away. if the talk with your dad goes down keep at it dont quit and yes its gonna hurt it will hurt like hell you need a good friend there to help you, to support you cos hun your gonna need a sholder to cry on. just never give up but try not to get angry and yell at him i know thats hard ive been there and im still there but if you act the bigger person hes gonna see that and realise how childish he is really being. if you ever want to just talk to me thats ok i wanna help cos i think i have sum help to offer! lv ya lots already and good luck luv anna xoxox p.s never loose your strength