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Thread: She left me for another guy

  1. #1
    InLoveAndConfused
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    She left me for another guy

    Ahh, i've bet you heard this story a million times....

    I had a girlfriend, we went out for over two years. We recently broke up because we were kind of fighting and because she started to like another guy. 4 days after we broke up, I find that she is already dating this guy that she liked. It hurts to see her get over our relationship so quickly, it makes me feel like the last few months of our relationship didnt really matter to her.

    The thing is, I still love her. Yea, you are probably thinking I am an idiot, but I cant help it. I know I pushed her away and its my fault. I just dont know what to do now. I can't stop thinking about her. Im am in college now and the long distance thing wasnt really working out, we only saw each other on the weekends. She was my best friend, I could tell her anything and she was there for me. Now, its like I have no one. I want to still be friends, but it hurts so bad knowing she is with that other guy. I dont know what I am suppose to do. Besides "Moving on", is there anything else I can do?

  2. #2
    fallslikerain
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    I'm sorry to hear of your situation, i've been in similar ones myself more than once. I know this may not be what you'd like to hear, and other board members may offer other advice, but I think it would be best to move on. The only other thing you can really do is learn from the experience. Learn to see signals earlier and prepare for them. Odds are your relationship didn't deteriorate in just a day.

    As for remaining friends, thats usually the 1 million dollar question. And with all things, there are pros and cons. I know with my past ex's no matter how hard I tried (and I honestly wanted to get along) I was too resentful to be friends with them.

    I blamed them for hurting me, cheating on me, etc, all well they expected me to treat them the same way(by being a great friend). I didn't want to be friends with someone who hurt me. I ended up subconsiences being hurtful towards them, since I knew them so well, i of course knew what upset them, and it significantly made my healing time take longer than it needed.

    I would have moved on far quicker if I just cut contact, instead of wishing I could change their mind. I wonder how many great girls I missed out on, well trying to get back a so so one.

    Also, if she's seeing a new guy, do you really want to be her best friend she complains about him too? All it leads to is jealously and resentment.

    There is a bright side to this though, you said you went away to college, i'm assuming your a freshmen, you still have a whole lot of socializing time to go, with an entirely new set of people. Kinda like a clean slate

    best of luck

  3. #3
    InLoveAndConfused
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    Hey,

    Thanks for the advice. I am not really talking to her, and when she tries to talk to me, I just tell her to go talk to her boyfriend. From what I hear she is pretty upset that I wont talk to her and she still needs me there to talk to cuz she cant talk to her boyfriend.

    Im probably not going to talk to her for a week or so so she can see things when I am not by her side all the time, cuz I was even there for her after we broke up.

    Joe

  4. #4
    wanderer
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    i feel your pain man. i'm in the same situation except my ex just kinda left all of the sudden, for another guy a week later. i'd say don't take it too harshly as your fault, cause if she didn't have another guy on her list, she probably wouldn't have left you. girls just freak out sometimes and don't know what they want. it sucks, and i don't know how to deal with it either. all i can say for sure is that you're not alone. just work on making yourself into everything she'd wish she could have, but now that you're gone from her life, she can't have it.

  5. #5
    fallslikerain
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    Taking a week off can be a great relationship tool, hope it helps you.

    I'm not sure what the rules of outside linking are, but I really like this online artical on staying friends

    link removed

    especially some of the points he makes on the last page

  6. #6
    Finch
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    I agree with fallslikerain, he is right about the relationship status.

    Any break up is very difficult, much like yours is. It's going to be hard to move and you'll often feel alone and like nobody cares. I feel that way sort of myself, but this isn't the first time I've gone through this. Eventually, though, you will realize that you're so much better off then being trapped with a person who is so quick to leave you.

    I hope things work out for you. Remember, just because she started a relationship so quickly doesn't mean she doesn't care. So don't worry about that. Just focus on getting her out of your mind and meeting some new great women who you will get alone with even better.

  7. #7
    antzca2000
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    well if she finds it easier to talk to you and not the other guy. You have the advantage here, but telling her off with *go talk to your boyfriend* makes you sound bitter and unworthy. You gotta let her know that you want her back, and at the same time you have to make sure your not given the *my new best friend* role. Its hard but you have to make her feel more reliant on you then her other bf if you ever wanna get her back.

  8. #8
    goingout
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    I hate let's friends theory. It is hard for me to be just a friend. I tried that before and when she comes to my house we cuddle each other, watch movie and ended up sleeping together. Do friends do that?. Well, let her be your friend, however do not let her run your life. Make yourself busy, go to a gym, hang out with your buddies,… bla, bla…
    Move on…

    If she wants to talk to you, do not blow her off… You have to respect her (no matter what..).

  9. #9
    InLoveAndConfused
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    Thanks for the advice.

    It really hard, I really love her and I was able to tell her anything. Its hard not being able to talk to anyone any more like I could with her, but I guess I have to do the only thing I can, which is move on.

  10. #10
    Leslii
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    Nothing can make your pain go away except time. It does take time.
    When she does talk to you try not to act so angry by telling her to "go talk
    to your boyfriend". Act as nice and friendly as possible. It will drive her crazy, I promise. just pretend that you are glad it is over. I know it sounds like a childish game-well it is, but don't act hurt to her face. She would rather have you missing her than not missing her even if she has no plans of ever getting back with you. So act like you don't miss her,
    even though you do. So try not to be mopey around her. Be as happy as possible around her it will have her wondering what is up. This has worked many times by many people and the ex's quite often come running back. I am not sure if you should take her back, but by the sound of it you would have her back in a second if you could so this is your best shot. Other than that only time can heal your pain. Dating would also be helpful but when you are so emotionally vulnerable nothing serious would be a good idea right now. Take Care!! You will get through this even though it feels like you won't.

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