Very glad to find this site, and particularly this forum. Hope I find some wisdom here that will set me free. Heres my problem. I am a 43 yr old man, divorced about 4 years. I am the type of person who is very wary of love. Afraid to really love someone for fear of being hurt. I didn't fully give my heart to this lady for about seven years. We were married twelve.
Divorce is long since over. I still experience a lot of heartache and hurt. I still love her so, and really miss living with my family.
Is it normal to still love and hurt SO deeply? I find myself thinking something someday may click which would put us back together. Of course thinking those thoughts is painful. I just want my wife and family back.
I tried counseling where I was advised to get over it. Why can't I?
Or move on, find another mate. I've dated and two different ladies wanted to marry me. I was AFRAID to.
We have children together so I go to her house regularly. I dont always see her when I go there. This is usually better because I STILL have that aching hole in my heart that began with the divorce. I see that people here reccomend no contact and that seems like sound advice to me. If I see her it can trigger the memories and pain.
When I see our kids, I remember the dreams I had for them. I recall their pain from the divorce and see the effects divorce has had on their lives. There would be much more money for college and weddings if we weren't a broken family.
My ex is still pretty attractive but doesn't date at all. She says she wants nothing to do with any man. She has a history of childhood abuse that really hurts her. I always tried to understand and encouraged her to find help for herself. Well she found "help" with a therapist, but this therapist reccomended to her to divorce. When she divorced me she had no grounds. In this state you don't need grounds, but I have always wanted to know WHY we had to divorce. She has never told me, and that seems to be a large part of the problem for me. People look at you kinda odd when you say you are divorced but don't know the reason why. Seems hard to believe for most people.
Has anybody else experienced anything like this? How did you get on with it? I feel so hurt, so awful at times that it is disabling. I just sit, numb. Thanks for reading and for any help. Signed, Feels like a Fool