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Finding love (or even a girlfriend) !!!!


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Hi guys,

 

Just thought I would seek some advice for once!

 

Well I have been single for enough time now! I broke up with my long term ex. quite a while ago, well she broke up with me, and I am now ready to start dating seriously again!

 

So I go out as often as I can to clubs, bars, coffee shops, even the mall but I still find it hard to meet girls around my age whom are single and want to take things further, relationship wise anyway. Now don't get me wrong, I meet plenty of girls on my travels, but they are either:

 

1) too young, like I mean i'm nearly 27 (in a week anyway) and they are around 20/21. Ok it is flatteing when a 20 year old takes an interest in you, but I don't want to take advantage of a 20 year old girl and I also think that a 7ish year age gap is probably too much at this time.

 

2) they are around my age but are in a serious relationsip; and I don't want to be the cause of a relationship breakdown!

 

3) they are older (nothing wrong in this!) but are married and looking for some fun. Again I do not want to be the cause of a marriage breakup!

 

For example I was recently asked by a married South African woman whether I wanted to go with her for a month to South Africa. Of course I kindly refused! But you can see where I am coming from. I do not seem to be meeting the right women whom are also free and available!

 

So my question is really where do you find potential partners? I guess what I'm looking for is the answer to the question 'Where did you meet your current boyfriend/girlfriend?'

 

Please bear in mind that I have been out of the dating scene for some six years, so I have some rustyness/cobwebs to shake off!

 

Thanks in advance

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Hi Carter...

 

Well, not every older woman is married...it seems like there are more and more single thirtysomethings out there, at least in the US.

 

If I were you, I'd just keep going out as much as possible. I met my last boyfriend at a bar...I don't care what people say, that is a good way to meet people, if it's a decent place. I've met other boyfriends at places like the dog park, through friends, volunteering, etc. Try and expand your social circle of friends if you can, because that exposes you to more people. Tell your friends to keep an eye out for single women they think you might click with.

 

I guess you could try Internet dating, but I never had any luck with that. In fact, I met some rather odd people. But, you might have better luck.

 

- Scout

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Yeah.... the places you like to hangout and of course also by broaden (is that to make your friend thingy bigger? im danish so don't know the word, hehe your social circle... I met my now being ex through one of my friends at college, and hereby we got together after parties and such... but i think places where u like to hang out is a good place to start.... places where you know people at your own age hangs out.. bars, cafes, dog parks, shopping centers (lol, yeah not kidding), social events or volunteer things.. just trying to give you some ideas...

 

The way to make moves on a woman I really don't know... I often hope they make the first on me, and sadly enough they often don't

 

Good luck mate... hope u find someone ;-)

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Thankyou Scout ,fantasia and daredevil.

 

@Scout.

 

I agree with you that there are quite a lot of thirtysomething women around that are hot and also single. I guess it is the hot and married type that I tend to meet ! I have to admit that I live in a small town so I really don't have the option of going to a lot of different places unless I am willing to do a lot of travelling!

 

I have given some thought to internet dating but have heard of some stories that people are a little bit 'forthcoming' with the truth on these sites. I guess maybe I am stereotyping and would welcome some positive feedback with regards to internet dating!

 

I also agree that bars are also a good place to meet women, i guess I am not having much luck at the moment! I have to pick myself up, dust myself down and get back in there. lol!

 

@fantasia

 

I hangout at all the places that I can think of, like the club/bar scene, I get my coffe at the local cofee shop near my work, go to the gym and go shopping to the mall. I have been told that I am a pretty laid back and am a (somewhat!) confident person and have no difficulty striking up a conversation with people, just not the type to go on a date/have a relationship with! Where else would you suggest meeting new women?

 

@daredevil

 

Most of my friends girlfriends girlfriends are currently in relationships and thereforeeee are out of bounds! I don't really have a problem with making a move on a woman, it is just that they are usually in a comitted relationship or even married. My problem is mostly that the place where I live, which is not that big, does not have a lot of women, whom i would consider 'relationship material', whom are free and available to date!

 

Anyway thankyou for your advice, it is much appreciated. I guess the bottom line is that I have to continue to do what I am doing and will eventually meet the righ person.

 

ps I have been told by friends that I am a very 'choosy' person, so I guess that this doesn't help! Anyway thankyou for your time and advice again.

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Hiya CarterJonas,

 

You should be flattered! It seems like you have no problem meeting women, but that you can't seem to find one that you really want. You must be pretty studly!

 

I met my current boyfriend through a mutual friend. She basically vouched for him (and also dated him before herself), and I had hung out with him about 10 times before I started seeing him as more than a friend. Apparently he always saw me as more than a friend, but I've yet to believe this, since he was a bit 'wild' when we met, lol!

 

I'll list some places that my close friends have met their significant others (please keep in mind that I am only going to list the relationships that, from my knowledge, are normal, happy and totally healthy!):

 

Roommate and girlfriend

 

Where: Through adult recreational volleyball.

 

Time seeing each other: Over a year.

 

Best girlfriend of mine

 

Where: Adult recreational baseball.

 

Time seeing each other: Six months.

 

Friend Tyler

 

Where: A night class.

 

Time seeing each other: 3 years!

 

Hairdresser (lol)

 

Where: In a chatroom on the internet.

 

Time seeing each other: Saw each other for about 3 months, then actually got married!!

 

Girlfriend Kris

 

Where: At a pub show (rock band).

 

Time seeing each other: Over a year.

 

I don't know many couples who have actually met in a bar/ club. Those who have and have sustained happy and sucessful relationships still usually meet through a mutual friend. As far as I am concerned, meeting through mutual friends is the safest bet! However, I've been hearing a lot of really good things about people meeting over the internet these days (and not good things, but you can encounter that anywhere).

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Thankyou for that Oceaneyes.

 

It is reassuring to know that it is possible to meet people away from the bar/club scene. I have to admit that I met my last few girlfriends, including my long term ex., at a bar! So the only experiences I have of meeting girlfriends away from the bar/club scene happened a long time ago when I was in my teens.

 

I guess when I wrote the message I was a little bit desponded with this dating thing!, but it is always nice to hear of positive experiences.

 

The only one I haven't given much thought into is either internet dating or even speed dating. I had heard one or two negative comments about them, but then again I'm sure a lot of people also have positive experiences. It might also be a quick way to meet someone whos compatible.

 

anyway thankyou for your time, there must be hope for me then! ps I wish I was a stud

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