How to get over missing my son.

OK, well my son lives in NY with his mother, and I live in SC, about 1000 miles apart. I get visitation, and his mother and I are better friends now than when we were married. That's the good news. Bad news is I want to know how to stop being so incredibly down when he goes home from his visitation. My new fiancee has 2 children, and they are here, but for weeks it just seems like my life and this house is so terribly empty. I know it's normal to miss someone you care about, but I'm thinking I'm carrying it a bit far. I mean, certain songs on the radio about father's and son's make me cry, I have a hard time looking at his pictures, and it's totally heartbreaking when I talk to him on the phone. I'm just wondering how to cope/deal/get over this, I guess, obsessiveness about it.

-Hitek_Rednek-

Dont feel like your obsessing, I dont have kids yet (thank god at might age), but plan to some day, and I can only imagine the anguish you must be going through. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor for some help......I'm sure they have dealt with this kind of thing before.

As I said, dont feel like you're obsessing, feeling like this is part of being a parent, it's normal as far as I'm concerned. You may need to seek help dealing with those feelings, but the feelings themselves are normal.

I don't do well with doctors, of any sort. Never have believed in them, probably won't start anytime soon. I'd end up lying to the counselor to just tell him what he wanted to hear so he'd leave me alone. Plus, they want to put you on meds for everything nowadays, and while I enjoy the occasional percocet, I don't need drugs to help me deal with my feelings. I just want the hurt to stop, or at least subside a bit. I know it's part of being a parent, but I don't think being a parent should hurt this bad, although I'm starting to think it does in my situation.

Oh, and to Computer Guy....yes, IRC is just multiplayer notepad!!

-Hitek_Rednek-

There is no set way being a parent is supposed to feel. It is going to hurt like hell at some points and feel unimaginably great at others.....there is not any set level for how strong these feeling are.

I don't know what else to suggest if a counsellor is out of the question, so I hope that someone else with a better idea than me can help you out. Good luck, and I'll let you know if I think of anything else

I totally understand where you are coming from. When my wife and I were separated for a year I got my kids every weekend and a night a week, but I still missed them like crazy on the days I didn't have them. I remember going to their room and laying on their bunk bed and just crying when I had to take them back to their mother.

Its not easy. I don't know that you are going to "get over" it either. He is your son and I can see that you love him very much. I think the best you'll do is learn how to cope with it.

Keep yourself busy when they aren't with you. An idle mind can do some really mean things to your emotions. Indulge in hobbies that you don't have time for when your son is there. Do some things just for yourself. Do NOT torture yourself by listening to those songs on the radio. Turn the radio off when those songs come on. Do not stare at his picture while you are alone. I know the temptation is very strong but you must resist.

I don't know if you are religious, but working on my faith helped me cope. Having a stronger belief that things would turn out ok is what kept me going in my darkest hour. Plus I met some wonderful new friends at my church and they were very supportive of me.

Let your fiancee help you through this also. Don't shut her out. I would think she would want to do what she could to help you cope with the distance.

I wish you the best.

Well it's hard to keep myself busy for that long, seeing as how I see him at Christmas for a week, February for a week, April for a week, then for a month in the summer. I know that isn't that big of a gap, but it seems like forever to me. Guess I gotta come up with long term hobbies, LOL. Yes, my fiancee is very supportive and very helpful with the situation, but it just seems that no matter what, nothing helps. I know it's silly, but it just happens. I just have a hard time thinking about him and not being sad. I tend to agree, I don't think I'm going to "get over it". I guess I'm just going to have to turn the sadness into fonder memories, of the fun things, instead of the fact that he is gone until next time. If only I could talk his hardcore "yankee" momma into moving down south, then I could do every weekend, but she's a born and bred NY'er, so that'll never happen. No offense to any other yankees here.

-Hitek_Rednek-