I don't like my mother. At all.

Hi. My name is Que. I am 20 and I live with my parents.

The problem is with my mother. She is a very defensive minded person. For instance, if she does the dishes, afterwards, NO ONE can put a single dish into the sink, not even a fork or she'll snap. Someone PLEASE answer this question: Does that many ANY sense whatsoever? She gets very angry about things like that. She is easily agitated and I hate it.

She is also an insensitive person. If I tell her that she said something that upset or hurt my feelings, she says to me simply, "If you don't like it, get out!" Once, she called me an idiot and I didn't like it. So I POLITELY told her that she had hurt my feelings. And what does she say in response to me? She says, "Ohhhh, you a punk!"and she keeps repeating it over and over again as the tears roll down my face. I broke out in tears because I couldn't believe that my very own mother, someone who I thought I could talk to like an adult was talking to me like I was some bum on the streets. She had no concern over how I felt.

Recently, I was a little frustrated because she had asked me to wash dishes as soon as I woke up. But I didn't say anything to her. I washed the dishes as she said. Then, I quietly walked out the door to take a moment to think about things because I was a little frustrated that she didn't show me any consideration, by forcing me to do the dishes as soon as I got up. If I wouldn't have washed the dishes right then and there, she would've kicked me out, right then and there, by the way. So after I did the dishes, I went outside because I didn't want to say anything bad to her or voice my frustration or argue with her.

So I went outside for a bit and then came back inside. She asks me if I have a problem. I POLITELY told her in a calm voice, that I was just a little frustrated that I had to do the dishes as soon as I woke up. Then she tells me that if I got a problem with it, to GET OUT! I wasn't even angry at her. I was just frustrated at the situation. I just woke up and I'm forced to do dishes... She takes it personally, although I POLITELY explained to her that I wasn't frustrated at HER. In order to alleviate the tension, I tell her that I'm sorry and she doesn't even accept my apology. Here I am, speaking politely and trying to promote the peace between us, and here she is stepping on my toes yet again, yelling, just to put her foot down as she says yet again, "If you got a problem, GET OUT!"

She is such a defensive person. What can I do? Nothing seems to work. Whenever I try to talk to her about how I feel, her response is always, "If you don't like it, GET OUT!" She is so defensive and fiesty. She cannot speak to me, an adult, like an adult or even speak to me like a son. She never cares what the problem is. She just has to let you know if you have a problem, to get out. She doesn't have any concern about how I feel or how to mend a problem between the both of us. Instead, she has to always "let me know" something and that something is, "If I don't like it, GET OUT!" No warmth. No concern. Nothing. If I'm not in a good mood around her, and it is has NOTHING to do with her, she tells me to lose the attitude. No type of concern over what I'm really bothered about.

I'm fed up with her. This has been going on all my life, since I was 10 or 11 or so. She has always spoken to me like I'm a person on the street; defensively and threatening to kick me out. Yes, at 10 and 11 years old. And she wonders why I don't speak to her often. I talk to my father about my mother and he just plays the middle, not willing to pick sides. Often, he gives advice while watching Tv and it has nothing to do with the situation. He's out of touch.

In about 6 months though, I am in fact going to move out. And when I do move out, I may in fact NEVER speak to my birthmother again. It's pretty sad to say that you don't want a relationship with your own mother but she gives me no choice. I can't think of a single reason why I would need her in my life.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Sounds like a rough situation, though there are always two sides to every story. This is not to defend her, per se, but to point out that we're only hearing one side and and one pespective.

That said, you should consider family counseling if mending the relationship with your mom is something you're interested in doing. Riding off into the sunset in six months may seem like a great idea right now, but permanently severing ties with a parent is a big decision--one you shouldn't make without mediation and the guidance of a professional who can help you suss out the situation before taking drastic measures.

Either way, since you're planning to move out within the year, try and tread water a little while longer. Keep your distance, and don't give your mom reason to lash out; cultivate a life outside your home so that you have outlets and a support network. And if possible, move out sooner.

I don't know what to tell you, but my parents have done that for a few years... Maybe about 2 - 3, in fact... Usually I just do what they say and don't talk to them much, even though I love them to death... And, they usually let me go my separate way... I don't know how much longer it will be like this, but it's mostly because of their age, I know for sure. See, I'm adopted, and so my parents are 66 abd 62... I just think it's their age... I love them to death, and though i haven't approached them about it, I won't anyway... Even if they ask if something's wrong, I just flatly tell them "No.", and move on... The best thing you could do is just tread water for about six more months... As soon as I'm 18, I'm gonna be out in the Navy, so I dunno... Hopefully I won't snap until then... But your topic's a good idea... I don't know why I haven't brought it up yet...

I hate to be the bringer of bad news but your mother is right, "If you don't like it, get out!" This is your parents house, not yours. And what most people don't seem to understand is, that just because they turn 18, they're adults and don't have to mind rules. Sadly mistaken. And i believe this is what causes many parental/children disputes. You are 20, and have lived there long enough to know you don't want to stick around. You've had 2 years to get out, why haven't you?

Perhaps you're looking at your mother in the wrong way. The things that you've listed such as the dishes, i can totally see where she's coming from. If you cleaned your room and someone came in an hour later and started moving stuff and then just left, wouldn't you be a little upset?

Believe it or not, you talking politely may not be the way to handle your mom. She may be taking it as a smart remark and sarcastic. I do agree there is always two sides to every story too. So the only thing i can say is, if it's really that bad, then do something about it. Instead of letting her threaten to kick you out, go ahead and leave on your own. Otherwise all you're doing is complaining over spilled milk that no one can do anything about but you.

Try to think of it like a video game. Cope with your situation right now and try to change your attitude towards her and see how she reacts. Whenever there are someone as unworthy as the person you described, i usually end up playing with them. They just becomes one of my experiment so that i can learn about how i can influence a person. I found out that everytime i learnt something, i became more able to socialize and treat others better. If it's a situation you have to deal with, deal with it to your advantage. Maybe you can relate with your future wife better by learning something from your mother's attitude. The ultimate "what not to do" list.

Moving out is an good suggestion but only if you have the money. If you have to work part-time in order to move out, then forget about it. You're simpily wasting your free time in exchange to not see your mother. That's a pretty sad statement. If you work part-time, you'd rather buy something you really want and stay at home rather than paying for the rents.

If your parents do threaten or yell at you and stop providing shelter that can be considered child abuse. For more information though I would look up a teen help line and figure out what to do from there. You probably do not want to call the police yet. My Mother is yelling at me to get out now[age 13] with absolutely no reason and I do hate her at (most) times. She complains about cooking and doing the laundry but those are essentials that everyone does at least once in a while and it is no reason to take out stress or frustration on anyone else. my mother threatens to kick me out whenI'm eighteen and my dad nod in agreement while completely engrossed from watching the WB.

If all else fails though you can always scream into a pillow. That always helps me but what do I know? I'm only 13.

If your parents do threaten or yell at you and stop providing shelter that can be considered child abuse.

Actually, she's 20--her parents' legal obligation to support her ceased two years ago.