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Thread: My husband loves me but says i'm ugly

  1. #1
    uglypuss
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    My husband loves me but says i'm ugly

    My husband of 12 years recently told me that i'm unattractive. Apparently, he's always found me unattractive. In fact wanted an unattractive partner so he wouldn't have to deal with the issues involved with pretty women ( ie. the interest of other men ).

    I told a couple of girlfriends who reacted with disbelief, whether at his opinion or his voicing of it, i don't know. They chastised him gently. He just shrugged his shoulders in a "what can i say" fashion.

    In addition, he often stares at other women when we're out together. He also likes to comment on the attractiveness of women everywhere, be it real women in the street or actresses in movies. He's not shy about sharing his opinions regarding the attractiveness of others with me or anyone else. In fact, (and i know this is just speculation on my part) it seems he sort of wants others to know he doesn't find me appealing.

    I love him and I don't have any other reason to doubt his love for me. But i think if you love someone you find them attractive...i know i do. So what should i make of his low opinion of my appearance? Does it say something about his feelings for me in general?

  2. #2
    mymelancholysoul
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    He has no right to say you are unnattractive! As your husband, he should be calling you beautiful or at least treating you with the same respect you give him. Just because hes a male doesnt mean he has the right to bring you down by calling you ugly or commenting on how attractive other woman are. I think you need to bring this up with your husband and let him know that it hurts you when he does these things. If he cannot respect you, then I don't know if he can truly love you. I am only 16 and I am only trying to help. I do hope things work out because the way he is behaving is unacceptable. Take care darlin! -hugs-

  3. #3
    drahcir
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    Thats so mean of him!!!!!!!!!!!

    Maybe ask him what he finds attractive in a girl, and do your best to fit that role. Maybe he prefers a certain type of clothing, a certain type of walking, i don't know. Ask him. And see if there is anything you can change that he might find attractive.

  4. #4
    mymelancholysoul
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    Yeah, but why should she have to change? Was she not attractive before? I mean, I don't think you should have to change to fit his likes and dislikes. I know in a marriage you have to make comprimises but why make yourself over for him? If he can only love and care for you based on appearances, than something is truly wrong. I still vote for talking these things out because obviously he needs to be clued in. Again, if he cannot respect you I'm not sure if he can love you.

  5. #5
    Michael2
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    Husband sounds like a pretentious a-hole. You need to put him in his place. Do not change for him. He KNOWS what he is doing. And honestly, its disgusting. Do not let this affect your self esteem what so ever.

    How long has this been happening?




    P.S:

    My suggestion. Withhold sex.

    Or maybe to bring it up to him, just as you are about to do the horizontal shuffle, put a garbage bag over your face and say to him, " I dont want you to look at me considering I am that ugly" Do it in a joking matter, which may then lead you into a discussion with him.

  6. #6
    NotGay,Really
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    What can I say? Men are dogs, sometimes.

    I think he is being very mean spirited to say this. If he were my friend, and he said that in my presense, I would tell him to apologize. And he really has no business comparing you to other women. (I don't think there's any harm in his looking-- that's just a part of some dogs, er, guys.)

    ave you spoken to him plainly and honestly about how this makes you feel? Don't be confrontational. Just state it as simply as you did here. At the very least, he needs to understand your feelings on this.

  7. #7
    AwsomeDude
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    :\

    maybe the guy is just asking for a lil change but he is missing the right way to pass her the message !

  8. #8
    Celadon
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    Re: My husband loves me but says i'm ugly

    Quote Originally Posted by uglypuss
    I love him and I don't have any other reason to doubt his love for me. But i think if you love someone you find them attractive...i know i do. So what should i make of his low opinion of my appearance? Does it say something about his feelings for me in general?
    So how do YOU feel about his comments?

  9. #9
    AwsomeDude
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    :\

    we all knows that he loves her, but at the same time her husband is kinda of a demanding guy, referring to what she said about he keep noticing other attractive ladies, so maybe he has comments about her look for example ! and still he didnt use the right way ! but after all, all of us have the right to comment about our committees looks !
    got me ?

  10. #10
    sisterlynch
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    here is another idea

    He needs to be punished!! He needs you to tell him that he is ugly and that you don't love him. Just hearing the words should act as punishment enough for him to give up on this little game of his. He needs to get off the pot, if he is just waisting time with you. there are a lot of great guys who need your attention and will love you no matter what.

    He has a low opinion of himself if he thinks that it is ok to treat someone this way.

    Read the book: Women Who love too Much. It talks about emotional abuse, that is what his is doing to you. Don't let him do it.

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