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Is there truly a time in any persons lives where they have lost all hope on ever getting the girl back? I don't care anymore about people saying "there are a million fish in the sea," " go have fun because you are single," " eventually you will get over her." What if it is the case where everything in the world is going right for you but this one thing, this one perfect girl that you will never stop caring for, loving unconditionally and truly devoting everything to her is gone.

 

This is where I am at right now. I'm in the deepest hole of emotional turmoil, regret and depression. I wake up, go through the day and go to sleep constantly thinking about her, never breathing or smiling without her in the back of your head.

 

I know that if I don't get her back, if she doesn't see the truth about how she is everything to me, I don't think I could really ever truly move on. I want to see the world and experience everything, but without her it is like a cake without icing. It torments your every second, where lightness becomes day, and night becomes a constant hell

 

Its about that time where therapy and medication won't work and the only solution may not seem rational.

 

On to the next realm........

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Ok, before I start to say my piece, let me say that I COMPLETELY understand your position. My boyfriend just broke up with me about a month ago, and since that day, I have not felt alive. People either rell me that "Everything happens for a reason" or "He'll see, and things will be fine" but I am scared to believe that because it's like if I do and then it doesn't end up working out, then I will have an even harder time dealing. I know about those days and nights where life doesn't seem living, I go through them everyday. But the one thing that keeps me going is that I am trying to develop strength within myself. If you claim you love her as you do, then you must love yourself, because you shouldn't live life for another person. You must love yourself before you can truly bestow love upon another...

 

trust me, I know...We broke up because of my insecurities. I lied about stupid little things to make myself look better and all that got me was my soulmate being unable to trust me. I feel so guilty, responsible and horrible all at the same time for causing this amazing person so much pain. I actually saw him sunday for the first time and he was impressed at my honesty. He is proud of me and there may be a chance we can work it out. I'm not saying that it is for sure that if you are confident she will come back, but no matter the outcome, you will gain strength and that is the greatest gift of all.

 

Endure the pain....feel it, it means that you did really love her. Do not feel ashamed for being in the place that you are!!! Just continue on, as hard as it is and you will grow.

 

Good luck and feel free to write back.

 

Love,

Princess becca

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About 12 years ago I broke up with the girl I had been with for about 7 years. It was my decision, but ultimately it was one I regretted horribly. I went through 2 years of hell. I thought I could never love someone as much as I loved her. I could barely get out of bed in the morning. I couldn't believe I had thrown something so special away and could never get it back. I acted horrible, and desperate, in my attempts to get her back. My lowest point is when I "implied" I would kill myself if I could not be with her (obviously, I didn't).

 

In the back of my mind, though, I still had a rational voice that recognized that this was not a normal reaction, and killing myself was not a solution.

 

Ultimately, as goofy as it sounds, what pulled me out of the downward spiral was reading a paperback book called "obsessive love". It is basically a self-help book that deals with these exact emotions - the inability to let go and move on from a relationship. The book had such a profound effect on me that to this day I still remember it and plan to buy it again. It literally pulled me out of a nosedive of the soul and opened my eyes to what I was going through. I moved on, met new girls, and looking back I'm very glad I never did anything drastic over my first love lost. I recommend looking into it.

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you have to regain your confidence, but you know that ... at the very _least_, if she sees you confident again, she will have respect for you. That's what you ultimately need from a person, friend, or lover.

 

In my case, I came accross as needy, yet in reality I never realized this, because I never had a strong male example to educate me in "the proper ways to deal with women". To make a long story short, I'm now a confident, rather outgoing individual, and the last girl that I was interested in has _really_ noticed it. The funny thing is, now that I have seen the light, I would never be interested in that girl again.

 

Don't let love cloud your judgement, and be confident, and love YOURSELF.

 

l8r

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man i feel the exact same way about a girl. Sorry I don't have a lot of great advice, but I do know exactly how you feel. I'm going through the same thing right now. I hate when people say move on or find someone else. The other replies are all good advice. Be confident. All i can say is hang in there, maybe things will turn for the better. You never know.

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  • 1 year later...

Im the same as OrangeCoke, was with a girl 13 years ago and throw it all away,

its been killing me for years, cloloring what I do and how I do it. She left and after chasering her all over the contr in the end relised I had to stop and walk away. It was like she had died I greaved some much and even to this day feel a grate there. What I relised was I was in a Deep depreshon at the start of the colapes of the relastionship. Over the last few weeks all this has come back as I have found her once more, but now I dont wont to meet or talk to her, She has a good life with a good husband and Kid. If I turn up all I will do is make pain so its best to stay away for good.

 

OrangeCoke is right about "obsessive love" in my head I had a dream world that was me and her, if only I had look truly at what we had then I would have seen that I did not know her at all.

 

It was the NEED this I must have her amke my life.

I still feel that way but she dos not, I drove her away and I must live with that, each and evey day for 13 year.

 

But is payment fro my crime of not likeing my self and haveing confedance.

I still a weak man deep down, just one step from falling.

I hate my self for it and try every day to not be that man.

One day Ill get there and I hope the pain will stop.

 

Thats the best I can say, the deeper the love the deeper the pain.

 

But dont kill your self, why for what you will lose all and gain nothing.

 

But what if you stay here, learn to live with the pain and read up on "obsessive love" some where in you is a new man a better man.

 

Have you heard others say "It mad and new man of him" will thats what your in now. Kill or Cure its 100% up to you evry thing that gos off in your head is 100% you, take this once chance and remake your self into a better man.

 

Each day amd every day, dont hide in drugs and Buzze, get to grips with it.

 

Thats all I have done for 13 years, And I have done such grate things in that time, seen and bin places, loved and lost many times and I would not change a thing I am the man I am now for being throw that fire, others look up to me

respect me for being a good man.

 

Dont throw your self away, believe in your self.

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The hardest things to do is what you must. Tell her until you feel you've given it all tries. It's the only way to end regrets. Time does take it away, but for now, doing this for yourself will shorten it. Or it can open a can of worms. Either way you're getting what you want- more interation with her on some level. Maybe once you do you'll see you are over her. That's what happened to me. I was second guessing myself and that other person had things I didn't have in myself and so I thought they could complete me. In the end, I became what I was searching for. I tried again to reach out. When both didn't work in bringing that person back, I knew it was over. But the start of a better me actually now that I think about it

 

You're doubting yourself and YOUR capability to start again with someone else... not that they'll be just as good... but what you have will be. The greatest cure for that is time... and lots o' journal writing (like you're sort of doing here, now. Keep going. Tell us more)

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I reread my response there and thought "that could be seen as offensive if I don't explain it properly".

 

I still stand by it, but I neglected to say that I'm not just being hostile, this is from experience plus common sense. It's very romantic to be in a state of mind where you miss "the perfect person" and you don't feel your life will ever recover without them.

 

But it's misguided, and it's .. well, wrong.

 

Of course it's fine to miss someone you spent a lot of time with, that's only natural. Human beings actually get addicted to pheromones their partners give off, missing somebody is actually biological.

 

However, you certainly CAN survive without someone. If you wake up three days later after they've left you...hey, you've survived. So you can keep surviving.

 

Clinging to an idea of a perfect unattainable person is a great excuse not to live your life. It's an excuse to be depressed all the time and never re-enter the sometimes treacherous waters of Dating. It's an excuse to vent anger and bitterness you may have been bottling up for months or years that in actual fact has nothing to do with that person.

 

And my original point...two people who are made for each other would be together. If someone is truly right for you, they ALSO think, by definition, that you are right for them. If they don't, and they leave you, well they obviously didn't think that, thereforeeee, they arn't right for you.

 

And that should come as .. well, after the shock, a relief. That's one less thing to worry about.

 

Get out there and smile.

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  • 2 years later...

I know exactly what you are talking about mate. It's not been as long for me as you but just over a month ago me and my ex of almost seven months ended things because shes moving about an hour an a half away for university while i stay in our hometown for college.

 

We've both already said tht if the opportunity arises and we're both single or feel more strongly about each other than our partners then after uni we could get back together. But tht'll be in 4 years.

 

Theres not a day goes by where i dont miss her, where she isn't somehow in my thoughts. She goes to uni in a little under 3 weeks now an I don't know wat i'll be like when she does go.

 

I've hated it since day one of the break up how people have said "Theres millions of women out there for you" or "It's cos she was your first love". Yea, i loved the girl so much as she did me. It's been hard the past month for the both of us, but theres nothing i can do about it for the now though, so my only option is to keep her as a close friend, try an date other women an then see what the future holds for me and her.

 

Another gd thing to do is remember the gd times like I do, I think of the trip we took to edinburgh for a day out, every saturday night walking to hers after work and staying the night, having a lazy sunday if neither of us were working, nights out getting drunk, her obsession with pirates, soft textures and bruce willis, her fear of roadsweepers and greasy black cooking trays and school leavers prom, her in a gorgeous green dress and me in my kilt. Thinking of these times make me laugh, smile an sometimes cry.

 

I don't know if someone elses story on this will help you at all but i hope in some way it does.

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Hey Man

 

I'm in the same space as you are and I understand 100% I really do. You and I are riding on the same wave ........so let me give you what someone gave me.

 

LISTEN UP ......go get a beer or a drink or some coffee and kick back and put your feet up .........and LISTEN TO THIS ALL THE WAY TO THE VERY END .......I have not timed it but I'm guessing its about 30 minutes long .....thats why you should relax and kick back and just listen .....these 30 minutes will maybe even save your life.

 

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To all of us broken hearts that are suffering .......we miss them so, we loved them so much we were willing to die for them .......and they have killed us off.

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  • 2 years later...

There's honestly nothing you can do. When you're 100% loyal to one you've learned to love greatly, giving up on them when they tell you never to... "no matter what happens".. should never be the option. At least, that's in my case. If you turn your back on that promise, that means it wasn't important enough for you to ever consider. And that's simply not a feeling you should ever have towards someone you love.

 

Its true... you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else. But for some people, that means... have self confidence in yourself before you can ever be in love with someone else. Otherwise you don't really love them. Well that's just not true. You can be a total emotional wreck and find someone who gives you confidence. Someone who makes you feel happy. You say you have been "constantly thinking about her, never breathing or smiling without her in the back of your head." You clearly 'want' her to feel better about yourself, she's one of the few people who can give you true happiness. That is love. The problem with some people is that, they've come to an all-minded sense and created an idol figure for who to love. The majority have come to agree with each other that being an idol to many means that you are worth loving. If you break down crying for the one you love... people will think you're weak and that you don't uplift other's feelings if they involve themselves with you. But if you shrug it off, suck it up and be a strong "macho man"... you'll get lots of admirers.... because they don't know what commitment is. They expect you to stick to your guns and not give them a hard time the day they leave you for another guy. Yep... that's what being in a relationship is all about in this era.... kind of messed up, don't you think?

 

wydomakre... don't pretend to be strong enough to move on when you clearly don't feel it. Don't pretend to be something you don't feel. Screw whatever people say about what you should do in cases like this, because you're clearly not them. You don't feel what they feel. Being in the state of caring so much to not giving a damn anymore can only happen when you're fed up with it. I've come to get sick and tired of how messed up people are, emotionally, that I just don't care what situation I fall into (unless it involves my family). That's considered "macho" to the girls I've come accross... they like people who don't give a damn. Its just a psychological error they have.

 

I'll tell you one thing though.... if you are truly a man of love, then your death bed isn't far from you. For the way this system works... it seems as if love is beginning to submerge and phase into a game of life or death (survival of the fittest). I quote my own words... "If you stop to love, you'll be in the way of others trying to scatter from the falling national bomb."

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  • 1 month later...

i am also in the same boat as you are my friend. I fell in love with this girl who is also my friend 5 years ago. I slowly started ineteracting with her and found that she is also feeling the same towards me, but unfortunately i did not propose immediately. Then due to some circumstances i lost contact with her for some time and that was the time she expected me to propose and was sending a lotta messages, but i was a fool and was completely ignoring her at that time. Then i realised what a fool i had been and then finally proposed to her, but at that time she did not accept( * * * for tat). Ever since i have lived in regret. I am still in touch with her and recently proposed to her again but she clearly rejected it and advised me to move on. She's my best friend too and she feels that this relationship will not workout. She recently lost her mom and is in a going through a great deal of emotional stress. I am still seeing her regularly and i want to take care of her but at this time i don't want to bring this topic and further stress her. But i do have a feeling that i have still got my last shot. I don't think i can get into a relationship with any other girl execpt her. Incase if this fails i will be living alone the rest of my life and thats sure. She completely understands my feeling towards her but she said i will always be a good friend to her and she could never feel the same way towards me as i feel towards her. I don't know what to do but hanging on. There is not a single day that passes without her in my mind and whenever i think abt her and our situation i become depressed and go thru a lotta pain.

Incase if my last shot fails then i have a plan B. Recently i am inclined towards buddism and hope it will help me if the situation gets worse.

"In god we trust".

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  • 3 months later...

I'm 29, lived with a girl for 6 years and truly thought she was the 'one'. It ended for various reasons, this was 6 months ago. I've tried to be with other girls, but in all honesty, they don't even come close and today i woke up and started to cry. As sad as this sounds, its started to make me feel a bit better and i seem to be being more honest with myself..............it hurts, there's no way round that, but at the end of the day you can cope........you are coping.

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  • 2 months later...

I felt very down and bumed out by my ex who broke up with me about a week ago. but reading your post has helped me so much and just wanted tp thank you for that. for some reason i didnt like to admit i loved her bcuase i thought it would hurt even more knowing you lost someone who you love. but admitting that yes i did love this girl and not ashamed of that help me feel a lot better.

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I'm there with you man...I loved my girl more than anything....I left her because I was stupid..I regret it. I haven't spoke to her in a month I wanted this girl for 13 years. Thought we were meant. Begged the stars for a chance...I got it and blew it..not a day goes bu where i dont punish myself....I self destruct everyday...living on edge...I have put a shotgun into my mouth and fired 3 times and nothing happened...I pumped and the shell came out I was wasted and ended up falling and knocking myself out..I went to work and we had a gunshot victim he tried to kill himself...he failed...what stuck the most OS how guilty the family felt..like ot was their fault, he came to that. He had a slow death.. I saw the effects and that is no way to go...I'm in therapy now..2 times a week I'm rebuilding. Going to aa meetings.... I'm getting there...the other day I put the things that caused me the hurt and pain throughout life into a box...I fired that shell into it...it instantly fired...I burned the box after.... God spared me for a reason, why? I don't know only time will tell.... Let go of the pain friend... You can get through this....if you end it your is gone forever..and whatever your feeling now youll feel 100x for eternity. I know its hard...but consider if you kill yourself...something far worse could be waiting for you.

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I had something like this except I was young, and we hadn't done a lot together(sexually, but I have done way more with other people and I have had completely empty feelings for them.. now I just have sexual relations for personal pleasure and not attachment), but we mutually liked eachother and I know I was so in love with her.. I was around 13, we met in a musical, and we were both main characters and it was honestly the most romantic setting to meet someone.. She was everything to me, we had sleepovers and would cuddle all night long and I remember one night waking up with her hand on my cheek...

She was so beautiful, a perfect ten. Then I hit puberty and my looks completely went to the gutter, and now girls like her don't even give me a second look. They treat me like wallpaper.

 

I am 19 now, and have not found another person who has made me feel the same way. I don't think I will ever meet another person that will give me those same feelings.

 

If I met her again under some weird circumstance it would be great, but for now I just want anybody to make me feel that way again.. I cried myself to sleep so many nights from loneliness after we drifted apart.

 

Now I'm lonely and suicidal and I laugh at how my peak years were in middle school... lololol.

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