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Thread: Your book recommendations?

  1. #1
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    Your book recommendations?

    Which books would you recommend on healing after break up and relationship communication?

    Over three months after my break up and I've got round to reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I found it very helpful in explaining different approaches to communication. Wish I'd read it during the relationship!

    Raided Amazon last week and bought some more books, based on customer reviews and subject matter:

    How to Mend Your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna and Hugh Wilbourn. This book deals with the psychology of love, relationships and break-ups clearly and concisely. Lots of interesting exercises aimed at changing negative thought patterns, improving self-esteem and moving on. Think I will re-read it and have a go. Really good and recommended.

    He's Scared, She's Scared by Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol which looks to have some interesting insights in to commitment issues. Looking forward to reading it properly.

    Rebuilding: When your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher. Only flicked through this one so far as it seems more tailored to divorce but is more in-depth.

    Any comments on these books or any others?

  2. #2
    Duderanomi's Avatar
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    I don't have any recommendations for books like those, but if you're looking for a good read, I've got plenty of recommendations. If you need em just gimme a holler.

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    I found Mars & Venus, Starting Over to be a good read. It helped me a bit. Some of it is just crap, but the majority of it is good stuff.

    Hope it helps ya!!

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    Depends upon the relationship and problems which you had...I just read Men Who Can't Love...I think it needs a different title because I can see it applying to both sexes...I found it a good read.

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    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    I think I'm going to read He's Scared, She's scared. Thanks Deebee.

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    I read a couple:

    He's Scared, She's Scared talks about relationships where one of the individuals is comittment-phobic. (my ex)

    Another I found that was very helpful: Love Tactics: How to Win the One you Want by McKnight and Phillips. It gives a number of ideas on ways to improve your next relationship.

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    Hmmmm I'll definitely need to check out "He's Scared, She's Scared" as well (my ex-gf said she's not ready for marriage). Is this readily available at places like B&N or Borders?

    Is it equally as good for men that had a female partner who was commitment-phobic? I mean, I know it's from the author of "Men Who Can't Love" and I've heard most women championing this book. I'm just wondering if it is equally sided towards women who can't commit.

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    He's Scared, She's Scared is equally sided...covering both men and women who are commitment-phobic. I have seen it a Borders and Barnes and Nobles...

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    Thanks for the tip Striver, Love Tactics will be added to my Amazon Wish List!

    link removed. Have a look at the reviews, it should give a good idea of the content. As the title implies, it's for both sexes who have issues relating to commitment, whether it's you or your partner. It points out that both parties may be playing their part in these situations.

    Again, I would like to recommend link removed, especially for those in this forum who are experiencing particularly difficult times dealing with heartbreak. It points out that heartbreak hurts so much because it cancels out your past and negates your future, just leaving you with the pain in the present. Your sub-conscience does a good job of protecting you, allowing you to feel only as much pain as you can handle. Once you've dealt with it, it lets you feel a bit more! That's why we have good days then bad days. The problems come when we get 'stuck' in one phase of the recovery and the bad feelings stay for too long. That's when you need help.

    There are some good exercises which help to provide a better perspective on the break up, how to fall out of love and so on. Probably the sort of thing a good therapist would have you do!

    For example 'reframing'. Think back to the break up, as if it were a movie you were in. Really imagine it, colours, sounds etc. Note how you feel. Now imagine a friend, or a movie star etc seeing the movie of this bit of your life. Note how it feels from 'their' point of view. Then watch it from a complete stranger's viewpoint. Again note how it feels. You will probably note some differences from your own feelings which may help you to put the break up in persective, perhaps some new insights into your and your ex's behaviour. It may help to stop you reliving the break up and see it for what it was.

    That's not to say the exercises are easy. I found that it does rake up some of the old emotions, but I guess you have to do that to deal with them fully and move on. At over three months since my break up, I feel I have done a fair bit of healing and moving on already. But I want to make sure I am dealing with it, rather than ignoring it.

    Next exercise for me is 'falling out of love', which should help reduce the romantic attachment to my ex. I have to think of five times I felt in love with her. For each one, vividly imagine the experience (colour, sound, smell etc). Then make it black and white, then transparent and slowly reduce the size of the image in my mind's eye until it is a small dot. Repeat for the other four! Then think of five times I didn't like my ex and wasn't in love. This time, turn up the colour and intensity until they are super-clear.

    This is the sort of stuff I wish I had had help with earlier! I'm sure it would save a lot of people on here a lot of heartbreak.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    Norman Vincent Peale

    Any of the books by Norman Vincent Peale are good reads. Look into them if you are having trouble with self-esteem, positive thinking, deppression. I read one that dealt with, among other things, infidelity issues and how to move past them. Happy reading


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