First Time Visit...

I don't know if this is posted in the right area but I doubt you all will get too upset about it. I know I have posted and few things here and there about my Dad, but if you have no idea what I'm talking about I will give you a little background information. My Dad got 'busted' by the DEA at the beginning of July. They caught him with Pot, Cocaine, Meth, Manufacturing and Paraphanelia. (spelling) Whether it was his or his friend's it was in his house. He is still in jail now and goes to court Monday. He is facing anywhere from 15-25 years.

Today was my first time visit. I went with my older brother who had went once before and my Grandma showed up. My stomach was doing flips, literally. I was so nervous about seeing him. I don't know why, because he is my Dad but I was. We waited for about 45 minutes then was allowed to go back. It went something like this:

Everyone exited the Visitation room and our names were called, plus 2 other girls. Andrew, Grandma and I all walked back. Dad wasn't in there yet so Grandma and I took a seat. Andrew spotted Dad waiting to come in and motioned me over to see him. I walked over and there I saw my Dad. In a bright orange jumpsuit, waving his arm off. Not to sound funny but he reminded me of Mario except a orange jumpsuit. I told myself to be strong and not to cry but the tears hit. My Dad looked like a little boy waiting to enter Disney Land. He was so excited just to see us. He came in and I got the phone first. He told me I looked beautiful, that he really loves me and misses me alot. He said now that he has the picture he can look up at me. I started crying, I couldn't say anything, just cry. He said, "Honey, it's okay to cry. Daddy does it all the time." And we sit there, looking at each other through a glass, crying together.

Grandma got the phone next and they talked about lawyers and stuff. I sit there, looking up at my Dad. Memorizing everything about him, as if I had never seen him before. His hair was greasy because he couldn't shower everyday, his moustache was thicker then usual, his fingernails were biten down as far as they could go and on his right middle finger, was a band-aid. The orange jumpsuit didn't look right on him, it was all too real.

Andrew (my brother), got the phone next. I rested against the wall and watched Dad. My brother started crying and I did too. I wanted to hug my Dad and give him a big kiss like I usually do, but I knew I couldn't. I don't really know what Andrew and him talked about, I was just memorizing my Father's face. It seemed like 2 seconds passed and I was at the phone again.

Dad looked into my eyes, and I teared up. He said, "Princess, do good in school. I know you can. Don't let what people say get to you, just do good. You can do this." I cried more. I told him how much I love him, and how I have pictures of him and me together, all over my bedroom wall. He talked about the food there, and just little chit-chat stuff.

A man walked in and said "Time is up." My heart broke, into millions of pieces. I was NOT going to let go of that phone. I told Dad I love him, once more, put my hand on the glass and blew each other kisses. Same with Andrew and Grandma. I was the last one walking out and so was he. We had one last look at each other he signed 'I love you and be strong.' I cried...and cried.

This was earlier today at 3:00pm. It's now 7:00pm and I'm still crying. I just miss him so much. It kills me, and then people have the nerve to make jokes about it. I just want to be in his arms again...being his 'Little Princess'

I'm sure most of you all don't care about this post and see no point in it. Maybe there isn't. But...I just wanted to tell someone that. I can get through this, I'm strong. But I miss him and out here we have each other, he doesn't have anyone in there with him. I found out who 'snitched' on him too...I told my Mom when this happened that if I ever found out I was going to go to their house, myself and explain to them how they have ruined my life. And I will plan to. Because thanks to that *BEEPING* *BEEP* my Dad loses out on 15-25 years of his kids' life.

Thanks for listening.

*Hugs to Everyone*

*Under*

Hey under, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like, but know I'm here for you if you ever need to talk

I love you

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your post made me cry.

((((Big Hug For You))))

We are here if you need us sweetheart.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I went through a similar experience when my uncle went to jail for a year, although i will admit i was much younger than you are and did not fully understand the situation at the time.

I'm glad to see you're looking at this at least somewhat positivly, saying you know you can be strong and get thruogh it. At least that is a start.

I also want to echo everybody else and say that we're here for you if you need us.

Good luck and stay strong,

mtastic