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Thread: adult dealing with sexual abuse as child

  1. #1
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    adult dealing with sexual abuse as child

    I need help! My dad molested me for years when I was a kid. I'm 33 now and just beginning to deal with it. I'm scared, confused and have no one to talk to about it. I've tried talking to a therapist but it's not working out. I'm having tormenting nightmares and memories. To be honest, I liked it better when I was in denial. The problem is that while I used to be very promiscuous, I now can't have a normal sex life with my husband because I'm haunted with memories. My family has disowned me, my mom called me a liar. Help! I'm hurting and want to get through this and get it behind me. Is it possible?

  2. #2
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    Yes, you can get through this.

    I would suggest changing to another therapist, since it isn't working out for you. Try to find a psychologist that is specialized with sexual abuse and anxiety patients.

    Also seek out support groups for sexual abuse victims.

  3. #3
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    I'm not good with advice but i would feel bad ignoring this.

    I agree with ragingbull bull about getting a new thearpist since this one isn't working for you.

    He is right. You can get through this. It isn't easy, what you are feeling is normal. Sexual abuse happens a lot. It is very terrible that it happens to good inocent people like yourself. Someone i know was raped. She fell into this depression and went to get counseling and it helped her. She was able to get through it. She know lives with her husband and they have a great life together. So you acn get through this. It is going to take time but you can get through it. One of my friends was molested by her neighbors. She seems to cope with it alright. I think that it is going to catch up and haunt her though. She has a lot of guilt about what happened. Being scared and guilty are all normal feelings. No one deserves to have something like this happen. When people do that they are taking a wonderful bond between husband and wife and turning it into something hateful. Sex is something that is shared out of love not hate. Your husband is sharing his love for you. It is going to be hard seeing that way with all the tomenting memories, night mares and flashbacks. Its normal for those who went through trauma like that. If counseling isn't helping do get a new thearpist, it should help you cope and you should be able to live a normal life with your husband with counseling. Its going to take time and patience but you can get through it though.

  4. #4
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    First of all, I'm sorry about what happened to you. No child or adult should ever be sexually abused. I'm an adult survivor of male on male rape. There is very little literature available to people in my situation.

    I've found many books on childhood sexual abuse to be very helpful. I would suggest Mike Lew's Victims No Longer and there's a book that a lot of people talk about by Mic Hunter. Sorry that I can't remember the name, but I'd check out both.

    Also, there is one website that I think you should join when you are ready. It's link removed. Go and check it out, my friend. There are a lot of people like yourself on the site. It really feels good to communicate with people who understand your pain and suffering.

    Lastly, look into therapy. It helps, but it's tough and demanding. Don't worry though, you can do it. Anyone that's willing to face up to their abuse is already heading in the right direction.

    Take it easy,
    Fusion

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  6. #5
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    hi
    i remembered the years of sexual abuse and brainwashing done to me by my father only after my five-year-old son disclosed that my father was molesting him on a regular basis. I was suicidal, grief stricken, enraged, ashamed, guilt ridden, and i lived through the abuse and grew into an adult. Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is not easy. Judith Herman has authored some very helpful books on the process of healing what we have been through. You and I, and nearly every woman, young and old alike, have been through a little or a lot of what has happened to us. We don't always have the courage to share our stories with others and thus often feel isolated from everyone else.

    what was done to was wrong. there is never going to be a way for you or anyone else to say that you are responsible for what happened. This is an innate truth because when an adult chooses to violate a child in anyway--it is and will always be, about the adult's needs and the their distorted ideas around dealing with their own unresolved childhood.

    you are not alone. Look for a therapist who has a background in relational-cultural therapy, complex post-traumatic stress syndrome (not disorder), and an educational focus in the field of traumatology. It also can help to utilize the certain theraputic tools like EMDR, Rapid Eye, or neuro linguistic programming (touch assoicated with emotion re conditioning). All of these methods have helped people in our state of readiness to heal to better take charge of our lives. Relearn things like loving ourselves, dealing with stress, with being loved, with trusting that our feelings are real, allowed, and extremely important to our ability to be loving and healthy inside and with those that we love. Incest survivors often are told that everything that you once believed to be true and real about every aspect of life MUST be re-examined, and often chucked to the curb. Which means that you have an opportunity, arrived at through very painful means and not of your choosing, to become exactly who you want to be. A person whose sense of self is determined solely by what you choose. It takes incredible strength to live through being abused through our early stages of development , so know that you have every once of strength needed to heal from the inside out.

    Grieve, love, find hope in times of pain, love, and love you some more, rage and vent at the ones who hurt you (sometimes best if done to a picture of them), know that until you acknowledge that it was never about you--you will look to blame yourself. Know that until you reclaim your inner power/strength--you will look to re-enact the events where your losses occurred. Freedom is in loving yourself, taking care of yourself, being intimate, caring, understanding, and forgiving of you. In steps all things are possible.
    love you
    me

  7. #6
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    I am new to this website and noticed that our stories are very similiar. I too was abused as a child, but by my Stepfather. I am 31 now and just told my Mom and Brother about it 2 years ago. My Mom does believe me yet she is still living with him as husband and wife. Being a Mom myself, I don't know how she can lay beside a man like that night after night. I do not have anything to do with my Stepdad anymore, but still talk to his family like nothing every happened. I've never told them, it would be like betraying my Mom if I told his family about the abuse. At every family event, it's always this elephant in the room that my Mom never wants to acknowledge. My older son remembers his Grandpa and asks me why he's not allowed to see him. He is not old enough to even understand why if I told him. Me and my Brother would really like my Mom to leave him!!!! He's having a lot of problems dealing with this too. Neither one of us want our kids anywhere near the man, but we still want a relationship with our Mom. This whole situation is out of control and like you I wish I was still living in denial. I wish I had the opportunity to see a therapist but I'm just not financially able at this time. Honestly, I think my Mom and my Stepdad should foot the bill.

  8. #7
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    I dont remember but can't argue with the pictures!

    Glad I found this forum, I have just uncovered purely by chance several short video clips that show me as a very young teenager engaged in pornographic activity. I have actually no memory of these events and if not for vaguely recognizing certain room cues and certain body clues I wouldnt even know it was me. It took the better part of two days to convince myself. From the tape it is obvious that I being photographed by multiple people with both still and film cameras. Quality is poor. My questions? Why cant I remember, it's not like I was 6 or7. Would this explain my adult years in terms of hypersexuality, depression and substance abuse while appearing outwardly as a well educated successful person. ALthough since I am just now divorced from wife # 2 after 13 years. I have always had this weird feeling of self loathing that I could never explain. A woman friend of mine describes me as "the prince that thinks he is frog" I would go for long periods of successful achievement only to engage in various forms of self destruction..gambling, womanizing, drugs, etc to dig myself a hole that I had to struggle to get out of it. I cant help but acknowledge that this has happened and it must have been substantive and awful for me not to remember. After a couple of weeks of denial its time to get off the couch and approach this thing with a plan. If Im depressed i am fooling myself, I am sad at lost opportunity but I just want to understand try to fill this hole im in and get on, ive got three great boys that deserve their dad back

  9. #8
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    Spouse abused please help.

    Hi,
    I am 29 years old and have been living with my girlfriend for about 4 years. I just learned today that she and her older sister had been raped by their pastor as children for a period of several years. She has just recently began to remember and try to deal with these issues and is experiencing suicidal thoughts. I am not sure how to handle the situation and am deeply in love with her and want to help. I can't be intimate with her without feeling guilty, I would probably kill the person responsible if her were not already dead. I feel so lost and helpless, please advise.
    kurt

  10. #9
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    Thats horrable i dont know what to say for advise, i just feel for you, thats horabble, i guess screw your family then if they wont hear you, do whats in your hart and get rid of that poison the best way you can, best of luck to you!

  11. #10
    Anyone that needs help in dealing with with sexual abuse of any kind should contact the nearest rape crisis centre. If they cant help, which I think is not possible, they can advise you where to go for assistance.

    I was 34 years old when I broke down. I had dealt with denial for a long, long, time. Why not everyone in my family functioned that way. I ended up in pysch ward. I had so much pressure, my daughter was 13 and looked 20, my boyfriend was access incest related porn as well as a multitude of other life related problems.

    I see a counsellor - free from CARSA, the rape crisis centre in my region. My life is still messed but I learning to handle it.

    Miss Rosie

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