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Thread: adult dealing with sexual abuse as child

  1. #141
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    Nov 2012
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    Wow. I read this thinking I had written it! I'm 34, ten years ago I had therapy with flashbacks happening regarding sexual abuse by my father. I was simply telling the therapist about how violent my mother was to me. Then these memories surfaced.
    My father has been sexually inappropriate in the past with actions and words too. But I was in denial and wanted to forget. When I was 31 I fell pregnant with my son. dad was making sexual comments about my breasts about breast feeding. Yuk. when my son was born, my dad stroked his face and alarm bells rang. I wouldn't let him near him. mum questioned me, forcing it out of me. I told her. She believed me at first, but then didn't. Whole family have disowned me. I identify with you totally. I've had some excellent therapy from a charity specialising in this area, please get therapy it helps x

  2. #142
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Not sure if you're aware of this, but this thread is over eight years old and the OP has never been back since posting in 2004.

  3. #143

    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    New Hampshire
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    So, i have been reading this and found it to be really helpful. Throughout reading this i decided that i want to share my story with someone and dont feel comfortable to talk to some of the people closest to me. My close friends know that i was abused when i was younger but not the whole story, so here goes.....

    It started when i was about 4. We lived with my moms best friend and her son. He was much older than me and i had walked in on him and his girlfriend messing around. The girlfriend got embarrassed and left, he was mad and decided to take it out on me. It started with just touching and hands and slowly progressed until we ended up moving out some time later. I never told my mom and honestly didnt think anything was wrong with it because i believed everything he had told me. It got so bad that i had some strange behaviors growing up. I didnt remember most of it until i was older. I was 20 when i had my son. I had gotten back together with my sons father for a couple months and while living together he tried to rape me. Thats when everything started coming back to me. It explained why i had such a hard time connecting emotionally to people.

    I am now 23. I had mentioned it once to my mother saying something had happened. She responded with "well the doctors never found anything while you were growing up so it has to be part of your imagination." I did not imagine this. I have tried pushing it down as far as i can. More and more things keep coming up from my memory, even to the point where i had showed my younger brother what was done to me. There was always porn magazines all around and inappropriate things because the very abusive man my mother dated for a long time owned a leather shop and traveled around with Bike Week. I guess in my head it was still normal. Iv been too afraid to say that i kind of did what happened to me to my younger brother. I feel like such a terrible person and it is eating me alive. I have been too afraid to say anything to him. It explains why we never got along growing up. I am afraid that if i even bring any of it up to my family they wont believe me still and just blame me for things. I am at a loss of what to do.

    Everything i read is dead on about the side effects growing up. Iv never had a high self esteem and always end up being used for just sex and i seem to let it happen because i guess it is what i was used to, i still struggle with depression problems and was put in therapy when i was younger for suicidal depression. I tried more times than most people know and never talked about it until one day in school i just broke down. Everything says to go into therapy but iv tried that and it hasnt worked in the past. I feel like i am trapped in an endless cycle that is just making me miserable and its not healthy for me or my son. I would be willing to try therapy again i guess but i dont have insurance and that can get pretty pricey.

    I am trying to discover who i am after so many failed attempts at having relationships. I never thought this would affect so much of my life still. I cant seem to get away and it is exhausting. I want to be like every other woman out there who can be in a loving understanding relationship. I get that i am still young but i just have no hope anymore.

  4. #144
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    CEC89: It would be a good idea to start your own thread so as to get responses to your own questions, as this thread is over 8 years old. Thanks.

    Thread closed.

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