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Thread: adult dealing with sexual abuse as child

  1. #121
    Member suxa's Avatar
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    I was at a loss as to how I was feeling, so I googled and found this amazing forum.
    Thank you for those who posted and contributed. I have been crying at random since I've read through everything.
    Yes, it's good to explore my feelings, issues and past by leaning on others and sharing info, but it makes me so sad and angry that there are so many terrible people out there. I don't wish what happened to me on anyone.

    We've all learned to repress our memories and 'forget about it' because as children, it was impossible to process what had happened to us... I wish these things didn't happen at all, or there would be fewer occurrences. What can we do to stop this pain and suffering caused by our family and trusted ones? I would really like to make a change for the better of our future children and society.

    We were all robbed of our childhood, innocence, and ability to become who we WERE SUPPOSED to be, without all this pain, baggage, and secrets that we never told anyone, therefore becoming secretive and trusting the wrong people to take advantage of us again, again, and again.

    I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was six. I remember what he used to say to me, and make me do to him. When he actually had sex with me, I said it hurt, and he said that's the way it's supposed to be (Wow, I just realized that's why later in life, I never complained of pain while the guys were having sex with me, because what he said was ingrained in my mind). And later, I found out he did the same with my sister, which made me even more sick. But the terrible thing, as most of you mentioned and went through is that I build such an impenetrable wall that I 'forgot' about the abuse. I never told anyone because I feared we'd have no where to go, and I didn't want to worry my poor mother who worked so hard to do all the nice things for us. But if she knew, the abuse would have stopped.

    I used to have nightmares in high school, which turned into screams, so that my family members woke me up. What was my nightmare about? I always dreamed that someone was on top of me, and I couldn't get away. I wrote violent poems contemplating suicide and reflecting on indescribable pain I felt.

    Since I never dealt with my issues, it was likely that something worse was going to happen, right? My first sexual encounter as an 'adult' at the age of 17, I was raped. Yes, raped. I did not say no, but I didn't say yes either. The guy assumed that I was okay with it, and didn't make sure. As the victim of sexual abuse, I never objected to anyone trying to have sex with me. Why? I (not consciously) didn't think I could stop it. I had no power to do so.... this carried over from what happened to me as a child. I didn't think I could protect myself. And you know what, no one can help us but ourselves.

    And after that, I still TRUSTED men... blindly. So more and more men had sex with me, without me fighting back either verbally or physically. They could do what they wanted with me, and I just wanted them to finish.

    Then I met my current boyfriend, and he's the first person I EVER told of my abuse. He's the one who's helped me break down the walls and deal with my issues. Until then, I always blamed myself, felt guilty, worthless, and stupid all the time. I've been dealing with it, but as you know, it never goes away. I'm in the process of not feeling guilty, and putting the blame where it belongs. Sadly, him helping me with the issues has resulted in him not being able to be with me... He's a great guy. He has his own insecurities, and it's just too much on him. I'm so sad that because of what this * * * * * * * of an uncle did to me, I can't be with the only man I have ever loved. He not only helped me, but also my family because he taught me what I need to do set things right for me, for my family, and for this terrible monster.

    For the longest time, I didn't think I should let my family know what happened. But I know better. He deserves to be punished. He deserves to be excommunicated. He needs to suffer.

    PEOPLE DO BAD THINGS BECAUSE THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES. THEY DON'T THINK THEY WILL GET CAUGHT. THEY WILL NOT BE RIDICULED OR BE EMBARRASSED. Why do we prosecute murderers? If you ask me, these people are the worst, because they leave a scar on our young minds and hearts. How can they live their lives, smile, and enjoy happiness without facing up to the inescapable suffering they have caused?

    Sounds like abuse lingers from generation to generation. Don't know why, but we have to break the cycle. We need to protect other children from these monsters.

    After my boyfriend and I are through, I will be happy not to have sex ever again. Yes, healthy sex life is great, yadda yadda yadda.... but I don't think I want to be part of something that has destroyed my life.

    Thanks for reading, and I hope you are all making good recovery. Hugs to all. Let's all put an end to this and hold these monsters accountable.

  2. #122
    I am 45 and still deal with the aftermath of sexual abuse as a child. I have blocked it out but know who did it, just not what the actual acts were. Certain smells of gum and candies make me gag, some types of patterns on fabric scare me. I have nightmare about these objects and have for over 35 years. I was very sexually active as a teen, starting at 13. I only feel loved if someone really wants me sexually. I am not on my third marraige to a great guy, but I am plagued with panic attacks, anxiety and some OCD rituals. Can I get over this in time and with the meds. I am on , or do I really need counselling? I dont want to know what all happened and I just want to try and move on

  3. #123
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    Meds don't really fix the root of the problem. They deal with symptoms and make it easier for you to manage your symptoms. It's the therapy/counseling which will really get to the core of the problem.

    So yes I'd really recommend you look into some counseling to help you work through the abuse you suffered.

  4. 12-15-2011, 03:06 PM


  5. 12-22-2011, 02:21 PM

  6. #124

    abused and well aware im not alone

    how sad it is and yet some how reassuring that I am not alone.........I was abused when I was 5, and lasted for 2 yrs - the leader of the boys brigade my brothers attended. used to tag a long and give my mum a break..........simple opportunites when he could get me alone he alone he would.......swimming baths is one that stay in my mind.......helping an inocent get changed ....not very inocent considering what he would do..........

    spent yrs blocking it out - my sexual encounter at 16 ceratinly raised a few memories....as in the fact this wasnt new........repressed sexual feelings that then swung the other way.....not wanting love - just sex....to fill the gap - shut out the voices.......hasnt worked and will not work.......from one wrong relationship to the next........tried therapy....but cant bring myself to say the words out loud.....i was abused.......keep thinking...maybe I was dreaming - maybe its a lie....prehaps i think that and thats the reason why I cant hold a relationship........but know thats not the case.........but I hope with time maybe even with the rite help I can over come this - cerainly not the whole Im a victim type.....35 yr old professional.......youd think Id have sorted it by now.....but there is no time limit on survival of this......

    after reading all of the blogs above all I can say is I feel your pain and pray for you all - and those that have found help I hope that is forthcoming to the rest of us......not a catholic or do I hold any religion but some nites i do pray.......and will continue to do so for all who have posted........

  7.  

  8. #125
      I am a 62 year old woman who struggled all of her life to overcome the horror and emotional effects related to early childhood sexual abuse.
    The first incident was at age 2. I found out about this time when hypnotized by an NLP professional.
    My recollection of a series of sexual abuses including rape and molestation started at age 6. My grandfather who I loved to cuddle with until that time had molested me, and a few months later, my uncle had raped me. He was the one who suggested to me at that time that he would teach me what a woman is made for. This continued regularly until age 14. He also had threatened me to harm me and my family if I would ever say anything to anyone. He told me that no one would ever believe me. Age 14, my father was drunk and lonely and just wanted to cuddle with me. I was asleep and woke up feeling his penis on my behind. That year I went to a local pastor hoping to get advise what to do. This pastor felt that I needed more physical attention, and so I went to my mother as a last resort. She called me a liar and a * * * * * ....she didn't believe me.
    The last sexual abuse by family was done by my brother at age 30. I felt that my body betrayed me!
    I never felt secure in any relationships and do experience emotional stress throughout my life. I was a perfect victim attracting the most skilled victors. I was married 5 times mostly to abusive or weak men. I gave birth to 4 children, and lost 2 in early childhood.
    After I immigrated to the US, I took in 4 foster sons taking them away from abusive parents.
    About 10 years ago, I made the decision to quit being a victim. I learned several meditation methods, went to special spiritual retreats, read many self help books and isolated myself from society as much as possible. It was hard to be able to live alone, because I was always very needy for acceptance, because for lack of self worth. I tried NLP, but could not deal with the recreation of my past. I became a Reiki Master, meditation teacher and life coach for others.
    I now live with a man who understands and wants me even if I don't want sex. However, I do have a huge trust and control issue which disturbs my health, peace of mind and could damage the relationship I have right now. Most of my self-destructive behaviors occur during full moon times and sometimes I am afraid for myself. My health is getting worse and I do recognize where it comes from.
    I am longing for inner peace, security and for a much better sense of self worth. I am very much aware what I am doing and work very hard to stop.
    On the conscious level I forgave my abusers, but it know that everything is still alive inside me. How can I ever forget?
    Kindly help me to help myself to create a better quality life without the past scars aching every time something doesn't go my way.
    I have only $ 788 widow benefits per month and cannot afford private consultation.
    Your advice and confidence is greatly appreciated.

  9. #126

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    [QUOTE=mollymathews;581153]I need help! My dad molested me for years when I was a kid. I'm 33 now and just beginning to deal with it. I'm scared, confused and have no one to talk to about it. I've tried talking to a therapist but it's not working out. I'm having tormenting nightmares and memories. To be honest, I liked it better when I was in denial. The problem is that while I used to be very promiscuous, I now can't have a normal sex life with my husband because I'm haunted with memories. My family has disowned me, my mom called me a liar. Help! I'm hurting and want to get through this and get it behind me. Is it possible?


    i know exactly how you feel. i am 27 and when i was 13 i was molested by my uncle. for 5 years i supressed the shame and worthlessness i felt, and used marijuana to try and forget. when i was 18 he killed himself, and at first i was relieved and happy, but i found out that he killed himself because he was being investigated for molestation. i had convinced myself for years that he did that to me because he was drunk, but when i found that out i began punishing myself, thinking about all the other kids he must have hurt over the years and if i had said something it wouldnt have happened. i let that guilt rule every facet of my life. i told myself that i didnt deserve to be happy, and in the process i neglected my wife and children, or was angry all the time. i had never told anyone about this until a week ago when i told my wife. i didnt think i would ever be able to tell anybody about this, i had built up a tough guy act for so long so that i wouldnt feel vulnerable, or be thought of as a "fag"(no offence is intended by the use of that word). its only once i told her that i started to feel the walls i put up begin to crack. i know its hard, the nightmares, the paranoia. its something that will be with you, me, and anybody else whos gone through this for the rest of our lives. stay strong, trust me i know its easier said than done, but you are not alone.you can get through this

  10. #127

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    Hi everybody. I just want to tell everybody on this forum thank you!! You saved my life. See I was sexually abused when I was 14 and I suppressed it. I am now 24 and dealing with it. I pretty much hit rock bottom and cried myself to sleep. I decided that I needed to tell someone, so I told my older brother the next night. He actually guessed who the person was that abused me and he said I should get therapy. I immediately disagreed. I have had a pretty great life and I didn't need therapy. We talked and then he dropped me off at home. It felt great to tell someone, but soon as I got home I started to have a panic attack. My secret was out in the world. I freaked out and even contemplated suicide for a few minutes. That is not like me at all but. Eventually I calmed myself down and I decided to turn to google. I found this forum and read every single post. I cried and realized I wasn't alone. Because of this forum I decided to get therapy. It has been the greatest thing I have ever decided to do.

    That was a couple months of go. Since then my life has been a whirlwind of emotions, therapy, dealing with cops and lawyers. See it turns out that everybody that I told guessed who the gentlemen was that molested me. He is very successful and well know where I am from. He even works with children on a daily bases. He is a foster parent that adopts only boys. All these factors have pushed me to start a case against him. The weird thing is that as soon as I came out and started to tell everybody, I found out the guy was getting investigated at his work for accusations of sexual abuse. I have now reached out to friends and found out I am not alone. There have been others but they are too afraid to speak out. I hope in time they will change their mind.

    All in all i just want to tell you all thank you. If you are thinking about getting therapy but making up excuses, or hesitant to go. I strongly recommend you do it. While extremely hard and difficult it is great and changed my life. I would recommend therapy to anyone even if they haven't gone through the traumatic experiences we all have. There is nothing like the freedom of saying whatever you want and not being judged.

    Thank you again. All your stories give me strength to go on when I have those hard days.

  11. #128

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    i was sexually abused by my real father at the age of 11-15 when i finally told some one i had to go to court and all he got was 18months i have not got over what he did to me and would like some advice on how to get help to cope with this and also the rape that happened to me at the age of 17 and my eldest knows she is the result of the rape

  12. #129

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    abuse

    I know im only younge but i was sexual abused by my dad is well also my mums friend ! its hard to separate your abuser and the fact there your dad ! im like you i finally find help but nothing is helping me deal with whats happened but i do no one thing, its made me stronger and who i am today, im sure its done the same for u. i was also disowned by family, my mum didnt belevie me for awhile and i ended up homeless at 16. there just isnt enough help out there for people who have been abuse i no that beacause what ive been through i will never have a normal life i have depression and find every day a struggle as im sure u do but i only ever found the strength to tell her about my dad and not her friend as im scared off being disowned again xx
    Last edited by poohbear2012; 04-14-2012 at 08:28 PM. Reason: spelleing mistakes

  13. #130

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    strong wonderful women

    hello there
    it's normal to feel like this at the stage of recognition, especially when being abuse or molested as a child. i have been through a similiar situation i was abused physically, sexually, mentally, neglect everything you name it, all happened by my family and strangers. i recently told my mother was has happened to me as a child and she is extreemly supportive, she and my therapy have made a great change in my life it's been a year now since receiving therapy. i recently found out that the man i was in love with for few year was a paedophile, i had no choice but to report him, i felt so great that i did for inocent children, what other people should of done for me as a child, by getting sick people like that locked up. but it is said that abused people and abusers tend to find eachother one way or another.
    to you my dear, it is very important to find your inner child and tell her that it was never her fault because she was a child, you have to believe in yourself and most of all have God in your heart as we all know that we loose our faith sometimes. you must also continuously tell yourself that these filthy people from your past must not effect your present or future as from this moment on you are in controle of everything. you are a beautiful, intelegent, strong independent woman and nothing can hurt you or your little you( inner child). DO NOT let these filth bags whom are rotting in their grave as we speak destroy your health or happyness, and if they are not dead then don't worry justice will get them Believe me. know that anything that doesn't kill you makes you srtonger. finally people that have been through hell and abused are the people who contribute most to society.

  14. 04-15-2012, 08:15 PM
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  15. 04-15-2012, 08:22 PM
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