2nd Marriage possibly ending

Hello,

I'm new here. I've been married to my 2nd husband for 4 years, together for 7. My first marriage was a young stupid thing to an abusive, cheater. However I have a son from that marriage (got pregnant right away), and now a daughter from this marriage. Now 30 with two kids I seem forced into another divorce. My husband has abused my son and now the authorities are involved. We are all seeing therapists but one told me he has a high liklihood of repeating the physical abuse and recommends I divorce him. If I don't and he does abuse him again my kids will be removed I was told.

To me he's a very loving, calm, patient person. But to my son he's a nit-picker.

I know I need to divorce him, but I really don't want to. We have a beautiful home and being a single parent to two kids is just nothing I ever wanted in life. Yes I'm whinning. But I can't do things as a single parent that I can do as a married one (like run to the store alone after the kids are in bed). I'm really struggling over what is supposed to be a simple decision (from what others are telling me).

The thought of another divorce is just awful.

I know I need to divorce him, but I really don't want to. We have a beautiful home and being a single parent to two kids is just nothing I ever wanted in life. Yes I'm whinning. But I can't do things as a single parent that I can do as a married one (like run to the store alone after the kids are in bed).

Ask yourself this, would you rather visit your child in the hospital? Single parents that are not exposing their child to potential abuse don't have to visit them in the hospital and they get to keep their kids. How do you think your child will react when he is hurt again, knowing that you had the power to stop it but did nothing?

The abuse has the potential of getting worse.

Your children should be your first priority right now. Your children can definitely be removed from your care if you don't leave and it happens again. It's your job to protect your children, if you let this go and chance it the authorities should step in.

If you want to do what is right for your children there's only one thing you can do. You don't have a choice.

There is every chance you will meet a wonderful man....who isn't violent and who you can love. But, your son may never get over being abused/taken away from his mom (if it comes to that).

A man who feels the need to hit a child, isn't a real man. Just my opinion.

Take care of you and your children x

Ok well I'm only 18 so my view probably isn't worth as much as others but... I understand what is happening, but perhaps forgiveness is the answer...

Is your husband truly a violent man? Perhaps instead of you and the entire family going through a huge divorce (again), your husband (the sole offender and hte one with the illness) should go to anger management/therapy and the family should help him and try really really really hard to forgive him. This man has something not wuite right with him, which should be treated just like any illness (broken leg, depression, etc...) as long as its not dangerous.

Your son and husband could do more bonding maybe, if they didn't at first?

If this is the first time he has been violent (I assume we're not just talking about a "you've been a naughty boy *smack* go to your room"), then perhaps he deserves forgiveness??? I don't know the man so

Is family about love and forgiveness and sticking together in times of crisis or should one incident (if it were only 1) be disected and analysed by a shrink so he/she can advise you to tear the family in two?

I dunno if this is good advice, but I just think that maybe working together for a solution is better that splitting and running from the problem (depending on how serious the problem is).

Brenno,

In my opinion he's not a violent person. He's generally very calm and patient. My understanding is that it was a one time incident, which my husband admitted was wrong. However I'm getting different information from different sources and am really not sure what to believe anymore. If it truly is a one time thing then I could say he just lost it (we were going through a huge amount of stress at the time), but with what I'm hearing I really don't know. Well writing this has me thinking I need to sit down with my son and ask him what really happens when my husband disiplines him. Then I know for sure and will proceed accordingly.

I'm very happy to hear that you still have hope, and that you are going to take things slowly and think things out

I am sorry for being kinda blunt in my post, I just feel that no one is perfect and everone will crack at stages in their life. Also, parents smack their kids all the time and if this is not something you like, tell your husband not to touch your son, even when disciplining. Depending on the seriousness of situations, as in the seriousness of the abuse I hope that things work out for all of you

If your husband loves you he will do all he can to keep you and your family together since he admitted his mistake. And if you love your husband (sounds to me like you do), you will try and help him, although I agree that the kids come first (though they may not be old enough to know the seriousness of the situation, and may be threatened by your husband purely because he is not his father).

I think that you should let your son know that you love your husband a lot, but your son will always come first. I hope I haven't caused you too many mixed feelings

Thanks Brenno, you were helpful and I didn't feel like you were too blunt.

I agree with Brenno. Depending on the abuse. I'm sure you know where to draw that line. I also agree that your kids should be first priority. Anger management classes have done wonders for some friends of mine and turned their life around.

Sitting down with your son and making sure that he has told you everything is a great idea. I also had a friend that was acused of molesting his children when he didn't. It just about destroyed his life. People stepped in (as they should) but didn't have the facts right, luckily he was exonerated and got on with things.

You will do what is best for yourself and your family. And you know it isn't whining at all.... Keep us posted!