Why can't i trust him?

i have been with my boyfriend for 10 month and i love ever so much. but you see i have this problem i can't trust him i know he loves me. if he looks/talks to another girl i get jealous and argue with him. or if he's going out with his mates i instantly think he's going out to cheat on me. I've had a bad child hood i got batterd, sexually touched, threatned, and seen my mam try to kill herself my boyfriend is always there for me but do think i can't trust him and i get jealous because of my background? i just wa nt advice on how to get over this feeling so we can get on being happy again thanx for listening linzi xxxxx

Dearest **linzi**:

With the childhood that you have had it is no wonder that you find it hard to trust your boyfriend. Without going into detail, I have experienced some of the same situations.

It took me a long time to trust anyone, even friends. I finally got counseling and learned to look at each person for themselves. Ask yourself this. Has your b/f ever given you any reason not to trust him? My guess is probably not. It may take you awhile to feel comfortable trusting him but he sounds like a really good person. Have you shared your experiences with him? If not, then talking to him about how you feel and why might help. He will probably be very understanding and supportive and this should help you to feel better about trusting him.

Peace and blessings to you,

evepm

Life's too short to spend it arguing & fighting over what is possibly nothing. this is so hard to say because i kind of feel similar about my bf, but he's given me a reason to think he's shady - i would say that if your bf hasn't ever did anything for you to think he'd cheat on you, then try to chill because it might make him cheat just to spite you.

good luck

The answer, most likely, can be found in your background and from the role models (male ones) you have right now in your life. It might also be a self confidence problem making you acting that way because you fear to lose him because you think you're not good enough for him (deep down inside).

Maybe you need to work a little bit on yourself and try to understand from where all those feelings come from. Ask yourself why you have such a hard time trusting him. Does it mainly come from his general behaviour? (like him looking at every that move while drooling) or from inside of you? (like getting jealous only because a girl crossed his line of sight without him noticing her).

You had a difficult childhood and you seem to still have problems in your life. Maybe you lost trust in men in general and your self confidence with all this. I think thats where all those feelings come from.

Trust issues usually do come from within. Linzi, I remember when I was 15, having some serious issues, but not with trust. Believe me, the sooner you deal with painful things from your past, the better off you're going to be. When I was 15, I didn't really see how much my past was affecting me, but I definitely see it now at age 24. To some point, I regret not seeking some kind of counseling, but I didn't really understand what was wrong with me. You think that the problem is your boyfriend, and although you may really care for him, you can't ever have happy, peaceful relationships until you deal with your own issues and pain.

I would recommend finding an adult who you absolutely trust to talk to. Even if it's just a school counselor, anyone who can point you in the right direction. Remember - people like that are not there to solve your problems or judge you, but they are there to help point you in the right direction. There are free psychologists everywhere here, I'm not sure about in the USA, but I'm sure your councelors at school can recommend something.

Please please please, get yourself some help and talk about your problems while you're still reasonably young. I promise that if you don't, they are going to follow you around in your 20's and 30's. If you think you can't trust anyone now, wait until you start having serious relationships. Either that, or you're going to keep picking the wrong guys, guys who will hurt you! I know because I've been there, been through some of the same things you have - and I guarantee - trusting only gets harder in your adult life, it does not get easier. If you can at least try to work out some of the things from your past, you'll be much happier and more successful not only in love, but in your career and with your kids when you have them.

If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to PM me.