How to cure loneliness?

Hi, this seems like a really gr8 site I'm glad I managed 2 find it. I don't really know where to start.. For at least 3 years now I've felt overwhelmingly lonely, I'm 18, and it started when I left secondary school to go to college - I lost contact with all my old friends, and didn't make any new ones at all.

I just feel so uncomfortable when I'm meeting new people that I avoid it at all costs now. I did start going out on Friday nights with some old friends but I just felt so out of place, and I would end up standing there the whole evening on my own with no1 even bothering to talk to me. I'm so insignificant and no fun to be with - I just can't make conversation or anything, I never know what to say and it makes people bored around me and they don't want me in their lives.

I went on holiday last year and it was the last time I was really happy, I really felt like I wasn't myself nemore, during that holiday I made friends but only 1 of them I've kept in contact with and only through MSN. I had arranged to meet her a few months ago but I cancelled because I knew if I met her she'd realise what I was really like and wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. She still says that she wants to meet me and I've tried explaining to her why I don't want to but she doesn't seem to understand.

The only human contact I have is with my parents and when I go to work (and Uni in term time). But this is only because I have to go - I see no one from work or uni in my own time, I see no one I'm always alone. I'm scared that I'm going to go through my whole life feeling this way. I know people are going to say that I need to find something where I'll meet new people but I'm so scared of doing it because I just can't. It's so ironic that I really want to be with people sooo much yet I actively avoid all contact. Thx for listenin/reading... woteva

Hey there. You seem to be a little depressed. The only way that you will overcome your loneliness is to go and put yourself out there. The only way to make friends is to get out of your house and socialize. When you back to school talk to the kids in your classes and make an attempt to get to know them outside of class. Basically just put yourself out there! You need to make that move otherwise you will be lonely! Good luck!

Gooner, remember one thing - the mind is a very powerful tool. I kind of used to be like you in that I was shy to socialize and would often dwell on it, leaving me depressed. But guess what. One day I decided to say "enough of this" and I went out, approached people, and started talking to them. This made me a whole lot more self-confident. It's all about having a positive mindset, and I think we all have the capacity to make ourselves firmly believe something if we truly ingrain it in our minds. What I think you should do is be more positive and do everything you can to get to know YOURSELF better and love yourself to the fullest.. Once you do that, you become more confident, you'll feel more comfortable meeting and loving other people, and if they don't like you, you won't care. Remember, don't think negative. That just has a ripple effect that makes everything else go bad. Best of luck.

Gooner, sorry to hear you're lonely, but I'm glad you posted here. Hopefully some of us can help.

The one thing that has helped me get over my fear of rejection (which I think is what you have) is focusing on what I enjoy and picturing it in my mind. Let me explain: I *am* afraid of being rejected by people. BUT, I also know that I like the excitement that people can bring to my life. People are interesting! Talking to nice people gives me a good feeling.

When I stop focusing on my own "performance," so to speak, just go after the experience, it helps me relax and have fun.

If you're at a club, start noticing things you like. You like the music? You like how it makes you groove? Think about that, instead of thinking, "I look stupid when I dance" or "No one's going to want to dance with me."

Or go somewhere with less pressure, like a bar/pub, and watch TV with everyone. Watching sports helps break the ice between people, because everyone's focusing on something they enjoy.

You can't control what other people think of you. Some will like you, some won't. So don't even bother hooking your life on other people's opinions. Just go after small things you enjoy, and be patient with yourself. Then, the relationships will happen.

Good luck; you can do it!

thx 4 the replies. some of the things r easier said than done though! But I guess I'll jst have 2 try, cheers guys.