Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: 13yrs. old Been raped twice,by dif.peeps,ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    sioux falls
    Age
    29
    Posts
    3

    13yrs. old Been raped twice,by dif.peeps,ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!

    When I was 4 years old I was raped by my babysitters boyfried. Later at age 6 it happened again by my moms friends son, he was also babysitting. I am 13 right now, and still remember every detail. Later my mom was married by a dream guy, who latter turned into the devil.The bathroom was my best friend, It had a lock on it so I felt safe. He never hit me, except spankings, which my mom is against completely! It was his words.He emotionaly abused my mom and me 4,7years. Now Mom and I r doing better ,Both were on Zoloft,Iwas on it 4 two years,but it stoped working. Now I am on Lexipro. I have the worst back, it always kills, Iwas born with a heart murmer that puts me in the emergency room once in 5,&6th gde.LIke my G-ma says I am a wreck. I've been in counciling 4 7 years. But just when things got better, my mom had met a guy. At first when I had met him he seemed nice. But then while my friend and I went along golfing with my mom and her date, I was very mean,and he just looked so fimiliar, later at home I relized he looks almost exactly like my first rape. I broke into tears.Tried so hard to stop but it felt so good to get answers. Everything flashed beneath my eyes. I was going to bed and he placed me on the bed and forces were out of controll. Then th 2nd, on the custions of the couch. Then my step dad making me cry telling me I should live under the porch,till I die. I remember living in childrens inn Where I met the most ispiration of life,a 22 yr. old black woman wih 2 kids.. We were tight. I dont know were she is now. But I wish I did. To my point. I've written this meesage to seek advice,so in the future If I see people It wont take me back, It wont keep me afraid to leave the house. Please give me advice what should do, if u were in this position what would you do?

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    England
    Age
    34
    Posts
    22
    You are a very brave person. From reading what you have said, i feel that you have come to terms with what you have been through and you sound strong, maybe ot physicaly but you hve an inner strength that is astounding. I dont even know you and i feel very rpoud of you for making it this far. Very Well Done.

    Ok now down to the help. I know where you are coming from although i have no first habd experience of rape. I have several female friends who do. and to be honest you seem to be dealing with it alot better than them, and their 17+. So i assume because you have been to councilling that your mom knows all about what you have been through.

    Getting over what you have been through is going to be hard and take a long time. and what you are going through is not uncommon. I spose the easiest way to get over this might be to get to know the person who reminds you of them, when you find out that this person is completely diffrent then thats a step to getting over this. Spose it is kind of like a phobia. You may just have to face it until it doesnt effect you anymore.

    I cant think of anything els at the moment but if i do then i will come back to you.

    Good Luck, Take Care
    David aka Sirus

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Romania
    Age
    42
    Posts
    4
    Dear Justice,

    It's true that you're a brave, intelligent person, like Sirius said.
    Onestly, when I read the topic line on the forum, my first, spontaneous thought was: she must have been a very cute, well-looking baby!

    Don't mind to upset you (I know what deep emotional problems mean), I just seen a nice part of the story. You possess something so angelic and beautiful, that even an animal can see it! They just don't know how to behave and, being stronger, they only know to posess. That's what their behaviour means.
    I have a very personal view on people and their behaviour - I have a large view and I'm not so afraid about their personalities. You don't have to consider monstruous all the behaviours that people are terrified about.
    With few exceptions, people are not monsters! And what they do, is usually explainable (see the above explanation for example) by their emotional features (irrascibility, lack of control etc), lack of education, poor judgement, bad caracter etc. Everybody has different features like this in different quantities and if you're attentive, you can descipher them for each person.

    Do not think your life will be a forever mess because of what happened! What happened does not define your personality unless you want to have advantages from being a victim. Prove everybody that you're stronger - stronger than everybody and people will respect you for ever.
    About your mom, she should be mature. But maybe she's not perfect. Maybe you're not even so much alike. So, don't let yourself very influenced by her attitude or way of dealing with things. The right attitude in front of life is a personal thing!

    From my own experience, the salvation was when I realised people don't like very much people with problems - they like assertive and successful people - and I focused on other interests than my psyhic (like - clothes, make-up, books, friends, cars, nature, courses etc.)
    I recommend you read some books by: Jaques Salome, Anthony Robbins, maybe Osho.

    Plan to give up medicines (if I understood correctly and they are medicines for the psyhic) after a while (after you tell your counsellor that you want to do that). Plan a term in which to do that - for example: after what I'll be able to spend about 4 hours a week laughin' or when I'll be always cute and well-dressed when going out or when I'll be able to spend 4 hours a day doing something that I like without remembering my problems.
    If you go to that point, I give you a diploma!
    And if you already can do that, it means that you're already fine, and you just need something more challenging in your life.
    If I didn't understand you very well, please reply and notice me.

    Thank you

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    sioux falls
    Age
    29
    Posts
    3

    Thankyou to Eiala,and Sirus.

    Thankyou both so much,I cant tell ya both how much your words and faith meant to me. I have better courage than before, and I owe it all to u. I was so amazed from how far away you were both from me, I may be from Sioux Falls but I was honored.Thank you again. You have no idea how many years I 've been depressed,suicidle, and truly hated my self for not doing anything about it. I feel so much stronger,and if any of u have ??'s about anything Be sure to ask. Dont be afraid to I dont ever get afended. Thankyou ,
    Justice

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Age
    46
    Posts
    6
    Dear Justice:

    You poor sweet baby! Pedophiles make me so sick! I wish they would all die a horrible painful torturous death!

    But you, you were given a gift through your sufferance. You are more qualified to help another child who has been raped than a person with a MD who has never been victimized. You have the gift of listening to and actually feeling the pain of a child who has been raped, and make a difference in their life. Your pain gave you the gift to understand how a victim of rape is feeling and what they want and need to hear. You have the gift to console them and make them feel better. To be UNDERSTOOD by someone who has truly walked in the same shoes gives an abundance of hope, you are that hope.

    I have found, from personal experience, that when I help someone who is younger than me, they help me take away my pain and give me a protective feeling towards them- to keep that hurt that we both share away from them. That somehow gives me a purpose to live rather than fall in the depths of self-destruction. All the best to you, honey. You are going to make a difference; you are going to be some pedophiles worst nightmare someday because you carry the flag of justice in your heart.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    11

    Hang in there

    I wish I could say something different, but I can't. It's the advice I've given to myself everytime I've felt down. Listen, I was sexually abused at a party at my own house by a guy I didn't even know very well. I was drunk, drugged and had no idea what was really going on. I tried to forget about it. I thought, I'm a heterosexual man dammit, I must've wanted it. I must have wanted to experiment. Nothing could've been farther from the truth.

    It wasn't until a well over a year later, that a friend of mine(a girl) brought up the incident. I'd stopped drinking by that point, but everything was getting worse. I thought about suicide on a daily basis and even thought about cutting off my you know what. My friend asked me about it. She kept hammering away at me about it, thank God. Finally, she said, it sounds like you were raped.

    I'd been suffering from rape trauma syndrome for that long. My anxiety/panic attacks haunted me everyday. I'm in therapy and it's helped me so much. I used to worry about my sexual identity, fear of another attack, etc, etc.

    Everything does get better. I've now gone almost 6 full days without a anxiety/panic attack. I did it without drugs, but I wish I would've had them to begin with.

    My advice is this, don't judge recovery on a minute to minute basis or even day by day. Judge it from week to week or even better yet month to month. Remember the entire world is not filled with perps and victims. Through all that you or I have been through this planet can seem pretty evil at times. Maybe it is, but that doesn't mean that we have to live in fear. Hang in there love. I promise it'll be worth it.

    By the way, don't ever be afraid to cry or show your emotions. I once read in a book that it takes 1,500 hours of streaming tears to get over something as horrible as what happened to us. The number is a bit high, but I think you'll get the point.

    It's not your fault, it's not your fault.
    Take it easy.
    Fusion

    PS-talk and talk and talk about what happened to as many people as you can, but make sure they're ready to take on that burden. You'll be surprised how many people have gone through something similar. Rape is the most underreported crime in the United States. It's estimated that 1 out 4 adult females have been raped and that 1 out 6 adult males have been. Most people think this number is low because of people not reporting. Next time you're at school or wherever, look around. It's sad that people like us go through what we do, but there's some comfort in knowing that you're not the only one. Remember, it's not your fault.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    sioux falls
    Age
    29
    Posts
    3

    Thank you Fusion,and rmb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Dear Fusionoflove,and rmb,
    Thankyou. U have know idea what it was like for me to come on this web.and tell about my situation,I am glad that u r willing to be there when I was in need. I am hangn' in there ok. But still sad. Especially to Fusion, I know how it feels to be so low, I had such suicidle thoughts,but never would have actually done it cuz I knew that it wouldn't make a me feel better. Rmb,Girl I am right with you, people like that make me sick to. I think the worst part of this experience is not remembering the person who did it, and knowing that, that As***** is still out there on the loose when he should be behind bars. Thank you again, maybe sometime we can all talk again.
    My love truly,
    Justice
    [/b]

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    US
    Age
    32
    Posts
    878
    Gender
    Male
    Ya justice those r some really horrific stories and i hope you someday learn how to cope with them cause those r temendoulsy hard to get out of your mind.I learned in pyschology that people repress those thoughts and dont know anything of them but sometimes when they see somebody stare in a certain way or a certain glint of their eye makes them become firghtened and remember those horrible days.Is that how you felt that one day justice or do you always remember all that horrfic stuff.try to look at the years to coem and make something worth while.Maybe once u find someone u feel special with and can love u can forgot about that stuff and put all behind.I wouldnt know because i have never gone through that hell ever in my life and you are very strong to keep up with it up to your current age so well.I dont have much advice but i hope you find the light and try to become much more happier.try to have some faith and god bless.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •