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Thread: 48 hours into the break from abusive man

  1. #21
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    I want to call this man and say I still do not know, I know I wont get the response I want want but it so hard. I know I should be channeling my energy and mind into making something better for me and my kid, but this is eating away at my mind.. I am staying strong with no contact but it is difficult and I break down all day. Help.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    One day at a time. Thats all you can do right now. Just get to tomorrow. And then tomorrow worry about the next day. Just remember you CAN live without him - because if you couldn't you'd already have died. See how that works? You can do this. Just set small goals for yourself each day.

    Try and get yourself out of the house. The less time moping in the house the better. Be around other people as much as possible, even if you dont feel like it. Keep those friends of yours busy on the phone and in person if you can.

    You're doing fine.

  3. #23
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    Hi All,
    I am so angry, how can he go on as if nothing ever happened?? How can he be happy with someone else, while I am here in agony and trying to put back the pieces that he shattered my life into? I gave him everything! I am so angry. He may up marrying this girl and be all that I needed him to be, all the while on my blood, sweat and tears. I want some sort of vindication not vengence but I need that. what am I to do. My life is torn apart and his is in tact. I know this is not heathly but I am dying inside.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    Tell him GOOD RIDDENS

    Hello there,
    Girl you have forgotten who YOU are. Before this man came along you were doing well by yourself with your child. You did not NEED him, in fact he needed you. You took him in and supported him. You helped him out. He did not help you.

    I want to say for anyone else reading this : When you take a man in and you support him he thinks YOU are MOMMY and he will go and find himself a Girlfriend, because he will see you as overbearing. Sometimes a man needs help in which case you can take him in but he MUST pay his own way and contribute to the home.

    Girl you must let go of this obsession because that is what it has become. He is not going to change. He is not going to be a good man. He needs help. The best thing you can do is to let him go. Do this for your child- he should not grow up in an abusive home-and do it for you. It seems like it will never end, but it does. One day you will wonder why on Earth you ever felt "sorry" for him( been there )

    And Never give a man EVERYTHING-leave something for you

    You will be OK

  5.  

  6. #25
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    READ-actual life telling experience with same problem- Plz do not do it usedtobestrong u sound just like my mother when she was 19.She was in a horrible stage in her life where she had no where else to go and did want to be alone.She had a man who would physically and mentally abuse her all the time.He would shoot bee-bees off the side of the shed and they would hit my mom in the face.She has been very mentally abused and is very sociaphobic nowadays and has many problems.He would physcially abuse her slightly the first time then beg for her to come back then would just abuse her again.He did that about 4 times when finally one day my mom ate some chicken and she got food poisoning where she had to go to the hospital and walk down there 4 blocks.The doctor said if she had came 15 minutes later she would be dead so these things scare me.She thinks that it wasnt food poisining but that guy actually trying to poison her to kill her,he was a ruthless bastard.HE also did things that would effect her mental stability such as with her dog.One day her dog ate some poisining put on the grass and it had to be taken to the vet right away.But the a-hole said no we gotta eat with the family first and my mom was very attracted to this dog and loved it as a great friend as that was the only thing she could grasp on to in life.As she felt there was nothing else to love or be loved by she had to do something to cope with her bad depression.But back to the story on that day they sat and ate dinner as my mom was very worried.then after 20 minutes my om was very ready to go and the nearest vet hospital was 12 minutes away they started heading there.And as they started turning intot he town that had the hospital the dog died in her arms.This guy would not care and basically not care about anything my mom had and was breakign her down mentally.He was a very evil person and sorry my post is so long but its just many factors that may effect other people and just the outcomes.I'm not sayign this guy would be the same way but i wouldnt want you or someone else to take a chance liek this and i know my mom wouldnt because she was extremely effected by this experience.I feel that i might some day want to go down there and beat that guys ass but that would not fix anything.I know i am juts lucky to be here because of my moms problem and my dads problem in vietnam getting grazed by bullets and almost getting shot many of times.Maybe to be careful just dont do it because it might lead into a bad experience that you wish you never got yourself into.Do it for future gernerations because i know im glad to be here and make your life a great thing and god bless.

  7. #26
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    I appreciate all of your words of truth, but I still am so raw on the inside. If I could just let it go as you say I would not be sending the posts. How do you let it go? I am having panic attacks and can't stop thinking about it. I know it takes time but it seems to be getting worse. I have not contacted him amd will not. But I want this person to do the right thing by ME. I know he never will but how do make peace with this?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    He will never make it better

    You make peace by telling yourself that YOU did nothing wrong. That you did not deserve to be treated like this. That he hurt you and he needs help but YOU could never fix him. You stop feeling sorry for him and tell yourself he would have hurt you more if he had stayed. You tell yourself that you are glad he is gone ( until you believe it)

    You need to work on your self-esteem. Abusers break you down mentally and emotionally before the physical abuse starts. They want you to think you need them more than they need you. You lose your sense of self worth and that's how they get to you. You need to get it back by telling yourself that you are a loving person and worth so much more and believing it.

    You might want to look into couseling. I don't know where you live but there might be some abuse hotline or something that you can get information. Go to a church, they sometimes have this information for you. Talk to somebody.

  9. #28
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    Hi all, I still have not made contact & neither has he. I started therapy and I am feeling a little better. How do I get rid of the desire to dial pain? How do I get over missong him still. It has registered that he is no good and I can have more but this burning feeling in my chest is not getting any better.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    Time is the best healer for you now. I'm really happy you started therapy. Eventually thats going to help you too. But it will take a little while. These feelings don't just go away overnight (but it sure would be nice - wouldn't it?). You will still grieve a bit. And you have a lot to sort through. So give yourself permission to feel like crap some days. Eventually there will be fewer and fewer days where you feel bad.

    How do I get rid of the desire to dial pain?
    I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this question. Can you elaborate?

    avman

  11. #30
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    Hi Avman,

    Dialing pain, means calling him would cause me further pain. I do realize that allot of issues I had prior had allot to do with this relationship turning into a disaster. But I still want this person in my life, I cant seem to get get past it. In a world where I was alone, he was the 1st person I shared myself with emotionally. It is difficult.

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