PLEASE HELP ME! I HAVE SO MANY WORRIES ABOUT FAMILIES!

I really need help. I'm 21 this year and my girlfriend is 20. The only problem is that we met thought the Internet 18months ago and live 400 miles apart. I'm in Scotland and she lives in Wales. We see each other as much as we possibly can. She is my 1st love and the only person who has really ever shown me affection apart from my family.

Iv just finished uni and live at home with my parents. I have always felt that they think my girlfriend isn't good enough for me. Most of my life I have struggled with my weight and never had many friends at school etc because of this (I lost 7stone last year through dieting and found that I can control my weigh so this has gave me a bit more self belief but still no close friends). I'm shy and insecure because I don't think much of myself and my girlfriend is everything to me even though we are so far apart. To date I cant really say that I have a best friend, I don't have one the only person really is my girlfriend. We met 18 months ago and I guess it was love at 1st sight. I know she's had relationships in the past and I found that hard because I hadn't but that isn't her fault, its mines. I accept it and as we were both single and have no kids etc then I don't see what the problem is with us liking each other.

My family have always been everything to me really and I have always had them to depend on. We are very 'close knit' and I love my parents very much. My sister is 10 years older and lives accross the street with her boyfriend. Its like my parents have a magnetic pull as were always close to them. My sister was the rebel when she was 18 and left to do big things with her boyfriend at the time and ended up returning the 'prodigal daughter' sorta thing. I saw how hurt my mum was when she left, and my dad sort of disowned her for a period. Wouldn't even go visit her 10mins away because she had walked out on them. Now my sister is close by and they aren't happy with her bf staying with her but they don't make an issue of it because it's her own home.

My girlfriend has always been at me to go stay with her in Wales, she's popular and has friends, and when I go to visit I find that people get on with me and are friendly towards me. My girlfriend knows I am no outgoing and encourages me to get involved with her friends and that. I find it a breath of fresh air to be accepted by people other than my family. I know my family wouldn't like me to move away, I saw what happened with my sister and I'm trying to keep everyone happy but its getting increasingly hard and its making me miserable.

My family really love me and only want the best for me and I want to be a good son to them and always have their respect with anything I do in life. I love my mum and dad to bits and to be honest I depend on them because that's the way iv been brought up. They have always looked out for me. I know they don't think great of my girlfriend and don't think its right to judge people but then were always told 'mothers know best'… Me and my girlfriend have had a few rough patches because I have never committed to getting a place with her etc, its clear she wants us to be together and I don't think there has been a single night since started talking that we haven't spoken to each other. That's about 18months now. I really love my girlfriend and don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to her, we see each other as often as possible and its tough but knowing I can cuddle up with her makes it worth while in the end. She feels the same way as I do.

After a rough patch we decided to book a holiday abroad next month, as it would give us some time alone away from everyone else and give us time to talk and that. I have never been abroad on holiday and found myself at 20 years of age sort of asking my parents permission to go on holiday. I just always feel the need to make sure they agree with what I do, I don't know why. My mum said it would be something to look forward to and to go ahead, my dad thinks holidays abroad are a waste of money but didn't say I shouldn't do it, so I booked my holiday and we are all set to go.

I last saw my girlfriend 6 weeks ago and she phoned me the other day telling me she's pregnant, she did two tests which are positive. I knew she was a few weeks late with her period but didn't really expect this to happen. I was dumbstruck! She cried down the phone to me worrying that I would dump her but how can I dump the girl I love and why would I when she's carrying our child? I know this wasn't planned but ever since I was a child all I wanted to be was like my dad…a dad. I want to be a family man and do the right thing in life, to give my love and be loved, that's all I want. My girlfriend says she cant get rid of the baby because shed could live with it and what if something bad happened in the future which stopped her being able to be a mother. I see her view and admit I would feel bad too.

I love my girlfriend so much and I love my family too for everything they have done for me, I don't want to be a person who is single all their life and sticks to their parents like glue, but I don't think they would mind that. But what about that sad day when they are no longer there, I need to have my family round me don't I? I don't want to be lonely all my life, but I will be if I don't stand on my own two feet. My girlfriend knows what I'm like and she's been so understanding. she said it would be great if we could get together and she thinks I have the making of being a wonderful father.

I don't know how my family would handle the news of me going to be a dad, I think my mum would be angry but be happy in the end that she has a grandchild, and she doesn't have any. I don't think my sister can have kids anyway and my mum and dad are round about 60 years of age. My girlfriend's parents are the same age group but have grandchildren already. I don't know how my dad would react, I would be cut to pieces if me and my child were disowned by him because he's always told me to not get anyone into trouble and have to get married. He's old fashioned in that you shouldn't have children when you aren't married. I know that it's a view from his generation and just what he believes. But it would be his only grandchild! I never met my granddad as he died before I was born, but hear stories about him all the time off my dad and I wish I could have met him. I fear though that my father wouldn't forgive me and take less to do with me as a result. My girlfriend said that even if I did manage to go stay with her that she wouldn't mind me coming home when I need to and that she would have no issues with me doing that, even if I wanted to bring our baby home to be with their grandparents. I fear my parents will think my girlfriend has tried to trap me, she hasn't but they may think she has. I don't want people to think she's to blame, because we both are, it takes two to tango as they say and I am as responsible as she is.

I really don't know what I am going to do, I'm so scared and alone because I can't talk to nobody but my girlfriend. I would be grateful of any help anyone could give me and I thank anybody who has read this post because I know it is so big. Thanks

Hey Man,

I don't have much experience in this field, however I do have some advice. It seems to me that you really love your girlfriend and you don't want to miss out on this opportunity. With the addition of you being a father I would seriously consider going with her. It's true your parents may love you to pieces and want the best for you (what normal parent wouldn't for their child?), but I think you should do what is in your heart. They have to realize you aren't their possession. They raised you but now you are an adult and you should make your own choices. It just seems you care a lot about your girlfriend and wish to be with her -- if that makes you happy go right ahead. It may be hard with your family and you may regret it at first, but if they truly love you (seems they do), they will always love you. It may be hard but they'll get over it and you'll be a very proud father. Best of luck to you and let us know how it turns out!

- Chris

no kidding ,

you should do what is best for you and her, i think you should be with her if thats going to make you two happy.