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Thread: How can I give her space and still get her back?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2004

    How can I give her space and still get her back?

    My girlfriend of 18 months broke up with me about a week ago. She said that she needs time and space to figure out how she feels and that she just wants to be friends for now. Well we had something like this happen before and she went away for a few days and came back and everything was good but this time it feels a lot different. I'm trying very hard to give her the space she wants but it's hard to not talk to her and stuff. She said she misses me sometimes and there is a channce her and I will get back together but I dont know how i should go about giving her the space she wants. I IM her still and call her once and a while and she said that that is fine but I get the feeling she only talks to me to be nice. I decided to leave for the summer because it will be easier for me to give her the space she wants being almost 1000 miles away rather than four. I just dont know what i should do. People keep telling me to ignore her and what not and I have been trying to but I really want to be with her again and I'm afraid that if I ignore her she'll think I dont care and she wont want to try again, and I cant have that. She said she isnt looking to get involved in another relationship but she cant promise she wont. So anyone out there that has gone through this (I'm sure there are many of you) can you please tell me what it is that i should and should not do given my situation? any help would be highly appreciated. I just cant lose her.

  2. #2
    Member DopeStar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Staring out into space.... Pondering life
    check my sig, that post might inspire you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2004

    The only thing I can tell you, and this is from experience is leave her alone. My wife told me the same thing, that she needed time and space, and I didn't give it to her. It just ended up pushing her away and ultimately resulted in a divorce which is still in process. It sucks...

    I say immediately implment the no-contact rule. It is hard to do, but know that your girlfriend loves you, and will not forget about you even if you do no-contact. Just tell her upfront, I want us to be together so I am willing to do what it takes, I will not be contacting you. When you are ready you can call, email, or meet me in person. That will get you much further than begging or pleading for her to take you back.

    Read up on no-contact in these forums. It is not a game you play, it honestly has its place.

    Good luck.

  4. #4
    Member swifty335's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Wilmington, NC
    You pretty much just described my exact situation...except we were together for 2 years planning on spending life together, I started taking her for granted and treating he like ****, and she left me, even though I could tell she didn't really want to. But my ex has basically said the same thing to me that your ex said to you. She needs space and that a second chance isn't a complete no, but she wants to start out slow and get to know each other all over. Since that conversation...I've been in NC with her for about 14days now. It's really hard, but it is giving me the confidence I need for when I am ready to contact her and try again. It's getting to the point where I think I will be ready to contact her within the next month and ask if she would like to hang out.

    My advice would be don't contact her until you are in the mindset of moving on and are confident, because if you're still depressed and longing for her, she WILL pick up on that.

    When you are ready, just take it slow. Act as if it was the first time you went on a date with her, and just see where it goes. The first time going out with her after the break-up should probably not be for too long; try to just be yourself and seem like you're moving on and ok without her. After all, you want to leave her wanting more, right?. Try to be the person she initially fell in love with, but even better this time.

    There is no guarantee that she will come back; if she's like my ex, you will have to take control and be in the lead if you want her back. Just don't over-do it. Remember, TAKE IT SLOW. I can't stress that enough.

    I'd like to hear more on this post also...because my situation is almost identical to evilforkmaster's.

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