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Issues with family hurt my girlfriend


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For those of you who dont know my story my girlfriend recently broke up with me for a number of reasons, but mainly because I couldnt talk to her about my parents seperation. She said we should be able to talk about anything, and I agree, but I have never been able to talk about it with anyone, so I was extremely torn. From the time I was about 4 until I was around 14 my father was an alcoholic and drug addict. He was violent in the sense that he was always breaking things and was a little verbally abusive. My mom tried to support him but eventually couldnt handle the stress and he moved out. This is the first time Ive ever told this story or even thought about it for that matter. And I think Im starting to cry right now, if thats a good thing. Ive always avoided dealing with this issue, and now that it screwed things up with the the girl of my dreams, Im scared ill never be able to get over my family issues. I dont even know what I want right now or what Im asking but please someone give me some kind of response or answer. Also, my girlfriend and I are now just friends, and I want to tell her everything, but Im scared of what she will say to me. Im sure ill have more to say on this as I think about it more and more. I dont want to just walk up to her and tell her "hey did I mention my dad was an alcoholic?" so I dont know what to say to her. I still feel lost right now, but I feel better as this was the first time Ive ever talked about everything. Please help

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try to bring in the convo u breakin up say somethin like remember how i wouldnt tell you bout my parents well do u still wanna know ure the 1st person im telln this to because i trust u, and tell her wat you told us, and as your former lover and friend she wont say anythi9ng bad i mean at the end of the day its not tour fault

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i had this exact problem with one of my ex's. one of the problems was that i couldn't tell her how i got this big scar on my arm (my dad broke it when i was 5 and the scar was from surgery). i tried telling her once, but i almost just broke down and lost it completely before i could get out a word. looking back, i know that she wouldn't have been the first one i'd trust with that.

 

i guess what i'm saying is, make sure you really do trust this girl before you tell her. otherwise, you're just gonna feel vulnerable and weak around her.

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I ran into the same issues with my ex as I was dating him when my parents were just separating. He, however, made things more difficult by belittling my problems and telling me how much worse his life was...which...didn't really make me feel any better. But anyways...

 

I'm going to take this from a different approach. It is good to be open and honest in a relationship, however, somethings you can only talk about if you feel comfortable. The more comfortable you feel with a person, the easier it is to talk about. Some people find it extremely easy to open up to a person about their problems, and others don't...or it may even just depend on the issue.

 

The fact is, you've never talked this out with anyone else. So, of course you're going to feel somewhat apprehensive to talk to her...or anyone for that matter, about your problem. And since you've never dealt with it, you're unsure what bringing the entire story out in the open, and basically reliving it all over again, will do to you. It's a scary situation, and no one should force you to talk about something you don't feel comfortable discussing.

 

Yes, as someone said, honesty is the best policy, however, I believe this girl should respect your feelings and let you come to her with this on her own. There are certain things I have asked my current boyfriend about long ago that he didn't feel comfortable talking about in the beginning, but now that he is more comfortable with me and trusts me, he is more open. The point is, she shouldn't force you to open up to her, that's something that comes naturally, and if you force it...it's just going to further damage your relationship.

 

Maybe you can talk to her about this more, explain why you don't feel comfortable telling her. If she can't accept that and respect your decision...I'm not sure she's really worth it in the first place.

 

Dealing with your other issue though, it is hard to face an issue, especially one we've avoided for so long. Take your time with this, there is no rush to dealing with this issue and you have to go at your own pace. If you feel you are ready, then try, but don't force yourself to do something you aren't ready for just because things didn't work out between you and your girlfriend.

 

Best wishes!

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I know it's hard telling someone you care for something big. Nothing ever seems like it's right. But you really need to get it out in the open at least for your sake. Things like this eat away at you and eventually control your life. Someday when she's not busy and you can get her in private just tell her you need to get something off your chest and tell her exactly what you told us. It will be hard to say and might take a while to find the courage but it needs to be done. TELL HER! If you really are friends and she is your dreamgirl then she NEEDS to know. And being a friend she will understand why it was so hard in the first place. You'll feel better getting out. Don't let it eat away at your life

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  • 2 weeks later...

i know how u feel me and my ex broke up because his family felt i wasnt good enough for him. we were getting married on may 22 but we had to call it off. his family were all telling him because i have children and that i wasnt full black that i wasnt good enough for him. it hurts but hold your head up and think strong. oneday she will realize that she was wrong and when she does she will be back. he came back to me now and he know he was wrong. good lick luv!!!

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