What is emotional infidelity?

Hi this is a kind of complecated topic...as its not straight forward and there are no right or wrong answers i just need some views...in your opinions what do you think defines emotional infidelity...or what would you class emotional infidelity as?..any views on this or any exsperiences of it?

Emotional infidelity- would that be like communicating with someone in an intimate way who you have no intention of meeting for sex or whatever..., calls, txt messages, online chatting, cybersex even. Is it infidelity, is it wrong. maybe it keeps a lonely husband or a bored wife from going insane, maybe its a form of support and escape, or maybe its none of these and I'm talking crap.

In my opinion, emotional infidelity is when the person hasn't actrually commited the act of cheating, but is thinking about it or as Knightmare said,

would that be like communicating with someone in an intimate way

We all know it's wrong, but it's human nature to try and get away with it.

it's not often anybody agrees with me.

Thanks tiger_lilies

those were good answers,

before reading thoughs i think i would have been kind of, well way, lost in the meaning of emotional infidelity also. nice answers.

What is emotional infidelity?

I think it is when you put the majority of your emotions in the hands of someone other than your significant other.

This can be VERY destructive to any relationship.

Thanks for the reply so far...and knightmare you wernt wrong either!!

But what happens when you carnt communicate with your other half about problems but you discuss it with another...is that really wrong?.I mean you may not mean to cause or commit emotional infidelity.

And isnt everyone guilty of commiting emotional infidelity to some extent ..if you IMAGINE or lust over other another person instead of your partner..even though its just for a matter of seconds?

I think there's always going to be friends you can discuss certain things with more easily than your partner from time to time - like when girl friends get together for a gab session, but the lines of who means what to you are still clear in your head and your actions there.

When you're closer to someone than your significant other in a more intimately emotional way to where it starts to override the relationship - then it's a problem.

Just like when a fleeting lustful thought or fantasy gets the impact of intent behind it, when it's occupying a spot excluding your partner - it's a problem. I think that's where the problem with porn comes in, where it's no longer just a passing stimulation but a necessity that claims a spot above and outside your sexual life with your partner.

More a matter of value, where your partner is usually at least equal to your family, and equal or above your friends when if comes to who you consider first - when someone else or something else starts filling that role, there's bound to be conflict.

Just my opinion

I think there are a few other people here who said it sort of the same way I would have.

Emotional infidelity, to me, is having a mental affair with someone other than your partener. Such as:

1. Engaging in personal topics of conversation such as sex, the personal and intimate details of your current relationship, or other things that you really should only be sharing with your partener.

2. Never actually getting together with the person, but communicating through text on the internet, phone calls, webcam, etc. Also, the topics of discussion are personal and there is usually talk of sex between both parties. Excessive flirting.

Emotional infidelity always leads to physical, actual infidelity. If you're actually sharing a deep, meaningful connection with someone you are attracted to, and can talk to and confide in more easily than with your partener? Why would you even want to be with your partener in the first place if you see how much greener the grass is on the other side?

I've found that emotional infidelity gives the unhappy party involved a way to selfishly drag on an unhappy union. Not only does the person committing the emotional infidelity have the hope of being with the person (even if they would never actually leave), but they still want to have the comfort and relative stability of their current partener. It's trying to "have your cake and eat it too".

I can honestly say that if I caught my boyfriend engaging in sexual conversation, whether it be on the phone or the internet, I would be sickened. To me, when you make a commitment to someone, they should be the ONLY person you speak to on an intimate level. If you're seeking it elsewhere, you're not in a happy or satisfying relationship and need to work on it or get out.

Thankyou for all your replys.......and ocean eyes i likes your post especially.Its cleared alot of things up i think...and the sad thing is there is no easy way to spot emotional infidelity...like any relationship you have to put trust in your partner..and even more so with emotional infidelity.Anyway thanks again.

and the sad thing is there is no easy way to spot emotional infidelity

You're right. If it continues for a while you can spot little things happening though, but really only if you're looking for it. When you feel like you can really trust someone, why would you have reason to believe that they would stray emotionally?

Some people are just cheaters ... they are usually happy in the beginning, but after the thrill wears off, they look for something to replace it. I know people who have cheated on every person they've ever been with, and they'll still tell you they "loved" the person.

Go figure.

Thats the thing...trust is so precious and true love i suppose in being able to trust someone not to commit emotional infidelity..and it must be hartbraking when its broken..as for this person who has always cheated has he or she shown any remorse?.As doing it everytime they get in a relationship is worrying.

This is where my Ex and me disagree, we broke up for her to be with a colleague of mine, but she is adamant that she did nothing wrong as the physical act didn't happen until after we broke up (the day after as it turns out ).

She insists that what she did wasn't cheating even though she had basically given her heart to another while still in a relationship, as she would text message and instant message with him all the time (I caught a couple of those messages, and they were not pleasant to see), and even go to lunch with him.

To me that's emotional infidelity at it's worst, and as Oceaneyes said, yep it led to the physical stuff, although she broke it off first and expects gratitude for it.

Hi confused bloke..i like your handle by the way!!...yeah that seems preety hard and to me she commited emotional infidelity..im not here to judge people though ..but it just seems harsh the way she did it.At least now you know you can move on with your life..and be a better person because of it.

She insists that what she did wasn't cheating even though she had basically given her heart to another while still in a relationship, as she would text message and instant message with him all the time (I caught a couple of those messages, and they were not pleasant to see), and even go to lunch with him.

In this case, I would probably be more upset about her denials and trying to be "the victim" still. It was probably still your fault when you broke up right? Sometimes for the injured party (you) to move on, it helps to know that the other person is at least partially responsible for their actions. Unfortunately there are too many people out there who slip out of relationships by attaching themselves emotionally to someone else.

I would say that in your case, it was emotional infidelity. She's going to keep denying it because she's scared of your reaction. She probably has a place in her heart for you because of time spent together, and wouldn't want to spoil at least the thought of a friendship, or a possible reconciliation if things didn't work out with the other guy.

Oceaneyes, i think you're right, when we broke up I got the blame for not doing this, or doing that etc, so yeah, she was trying to justify it by blaming me.

And yep, she did want to be friends (i have since explained that even mere friends wouldn't do this kind of thing - so it won't work), and yes maybe she was thinking that if this new thing didn't work out she may have a place to return to - which for a while i would have loved to happen, but now i just wouldn't want to be second choice or plan B or whatever.

Just wish she could understand what she's done or she may do it again and break someone else's heart too