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Thread: giving up my six year old son for adoption.....

  1. #1
    deviousj420
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    giving up my six year old son for adoption.....

    I have 2 children. A 6 yr old boy who i cared for most of his life or at least tried to. And a 16 month old whomhas been with his father since birth. I am 22 years old.
    Looking back now i realize the consequences my actions had. At the time i did not. I know i cannot provide a stable secure environment for my 6 yr old son. His father was hardly ever in the picture - only when it was convienent for him. I want to give him up to a family member in florida. I know they will be able to provide him with a financial, emotional and stable secure environment. This is for his future best interest.
    He has never met these family memebers before but im sure he will be better off there then with his father. Who now has come into the picture but only slightly. Jeremy is living at his grandmothers with his aunt and 3 cousins - on the fathers side. They smoke and drink and his father has a drug problem and no secure job. He hasnt amounted to much in his 25 years. Now they want to keep jeremy - he isnt stable there either.
    Im so torn. Jeremy will still have contact with us and maybe even come up for the summer. But i know he needs to be there. Im sure he will adjust eventually over time. They can give him hugs and kisses and the love and stuff he wont have the oppertunity for here.
    Am i wrong? Am i selfish? This is sucha hard desicion and it kind of leaves me empty feeling but i feel as though its right. I wasnt ready to have a child and i tried for 6 years but am ready to accepot the fact that not only cant i but in a way - i dont want to.
    I just want some opinions on my actions and thoughts. Is this really terrible of me?

  2. #2
    avman
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    Hello deviousj420,

    This must be an incredibly hard decision for you. Are you sure you want this to be a permanent change for your son? Or is it that you are just having some temporary problems right now? If thats the case, do you think your family would be able to care for your son for 6-12 months or so until things can get turned around for you? Giving him up for adoption is permanent. And I hate to see you torn by a permanent decision to what might be a temporary problem. Please forgive me as I don't know the whole story about why you feel you cannot provide for your son. But I just wanted to offer you another alternative.

    I do not think its selfish at all to want the best for your child. More parents should be like you and put the childs needs ahead of their own. Its not a terrible thing. Just make sure its really the right move for you, and for your son. Because once you do it, there is no turning back.

    avman

  3. #3
    alilbitworried
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    Hi, hun...do what is best for your child. Please really think about it long and hard before you do it. I agree with the other comment. Does he know about the possible arrangement? If so, how does he feel about it?

    I have a 6 year old and he knows when something is up, he is able to make a decision, that is whom he would rather live with. Gratefully in my case he is with me and not his father.

    But you are his mother and you have the last choice in what you think is best for your child. Good luck!

  4. #4
    marmala
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    Think before you leap into adoption....

    Hi, After reading this I want to just say do what right for you and your son but I have to confess keeping him in the family just to keep him in the family doesn't sound like the best place to consider. No doubt you feel at least he will be with family but that family situation doesn't sound the greatest to me and deep down probably to you too. Is it really better than living with his mom? I suspect you hope to be able to see him in the future right? Is your son going to be able to handle being relocated permanently now and in the future? Have you even talked to him about this?
    All I advise is caution because adoption is permanent. Think before you act.

  5. #5
    Daeralic
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    I know it's hard. My sister had a child at 15 and adoption was looked at. She chose to not to and instead has been raising him with the help of my parents. What you really need to do is look at the entire picture. Are you wanting to give him up merely because you don't feel you can support him financially? Is it partly because having him meant you had to give up certain aspects of being young and you want to experience them? He is your child and wanting the best for him is NOT selfish.

    Just take some time with this before making your decision. You might even want to look at maybe getting some things from uncle sam for being a single mother. Either way it won't be easy. Just make sure what you do is what's best for him and you. You will want to see him if you're apart. Just don't make a decision based on what you missed.

    My sister is now 18. Not too many friends doesn't do much except take care of her son. But she is happy for having him in her life even though she never got to go out partying or stay out all night with her friends. But they understand and most importantly both her and her son are happy. Living proof that sometimes getting help is better than giving up.

  6. #6
    nowhere to turn
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    I am 22, and at 7years old I was left to live at my grandma's by my mum, who at the time was about 23. I wont go in to all the details, but I want to tell you that I have never forgiven my mum. It didn't affect me greatly when I was younger, but as I have got older I have started to have some emotional difficulties that stem back to my mum leaving. I have always found it hard to form relationships/friendships with people, and worry that I will be left on my own. I am now married with children of my own. I still constantly do things to 'test' my husbands commitment to me, even though we are now married, I just can't help it. He understands though, as he knows all about what happened when I was younger. I would strongly advise you against ging your son up for adoption. The best place for him is with his mum, who he loves, and feels safe with. Ok, you may not feel that you are doing the best for your son now, but I really do think that you will regret givng him up if you do. Please think long and hard before doing anything.

  7. #7
    butterfly_chic578
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    of course not hunny if ur not finacally stable then u sorta have to i mean he needs a good plave and if u dont feel like u could provid that then u have to i hope u feel better about ur descion cause i kno i would feel just like u but think about it if they have him for a year and then u save alot of money he can stay with u!!

  8. #8
    cindizzzle
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    I think that is a very mature and also unselfish thing to do. Please do know that it is not reversible without detriment to your child once he is formally adopted. Why not do a TRIAL period for him, you and the family? Also, What does concern me is that he has not met them. If you are looking for the BEST for your son you can also look outside of family with the understanding of an OPEN adoption maybe somewhere nearby you if your conern is being able to visit him?

  9. #9
    jestersupriem
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    This is ridiculous. He is your child. Aren't you inspired to do better by him?

    Why cant you take care of him? Show him strength and courage. Fight through your tough times. Step out of the shadow of hell and move forward. My goodness, a child needs to see this from the people HE LOVES!!!!

    Feeling sorry for yourself and blaming his worthless dad for everything makes matters worst. Look at what you are doing. You don't have to be rich to be happy. Stop thinking its the end of the world. FIGHT, SCRATCH,CLAW your way out of what ever crap hole your in and build some character for you and your son.

    Forget your miserable past and live for your children.. Giving up is SELFISH. Its your child for Christ sakes.



    Jester

  10. #10
    wellswomyn
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    I agree that children are almost always happiest with their parents. What are the actual reasons that you are unable to properly take care of your son? Do you have a job? A place to stay? Food on the table? It really doesn't take much to make a kid happy, it usually just takes some creativity.

    I know life seems hard right now, but you really should be asking for ideas on how to better your circumstances, rather than seeking permission from strangers to give up your child. If you give some more info, I'm sure we can help you figure out the best solution.

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