Going through it alone. Is it the right thing to do...scary

How does one deal with the other when trust has been broken. I called off my engagement, just after I found out I was pregnant. I was with this man that was my world, I loved him and gave everything of myself to him. We planned to have a baby, I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. Just before I found out I was pregnant, I started to have doubts in my mind, that he wasn't being faithful and something didn't feel right with our relationship. The man I loved, the man I knew, had me doubt the person he was, because he had I.D in another name that was not the one I knew him by. Of course he denied everything, on top of that he had more girls calling him then I could make heads or tails of. I separated from him after I found out I was pregnant because he became emotionally and mentally abusive trying to control me. It went as far as me leaving my home and hiding in a womens safe house. Because of the baby, I tried to give him a second chance to prove himself for the (baby)sake, it only made situations worse, he started threatening the safety of my friends because I told him I had my sources in regards to his second identity, after that happened I told him that I didn't want him to ever call me again, that when I was ready I would call him. I hung up the phone on him, he called back approximately 18times I ignored the phone and didn't anwer him, then he left a message saying he was going to go by my house and speak to my roommate and find out where I am from her if I don't want to tell him where I am, and when he does we will talk in person. Thats scared me so I called the police and requested a no contact order, to cease and desist all attempts to contact with me. And that when I was ready we would disuss the baby and circumstances around it. I never wanted my baby to grow up without a father, so i tried everything to keep him involved regardless of my doubts and the abuse he put me through. I moved 12 hours away from where he resides, and got the courage to call him today, he has no respect for me , I don't think he ever did and it really hurts everything that he said. The thing that hurts the most is him saying that I won't be a good mother that I am unfit because I won't be working when I have this baby. I am taking leave for a year, I do get money from employment insurance for the year, anyway he mentioned to me that his aunt will be filing for custody and that I will never see this baby again. A baby which I have supported finacially while it grows in my womb, a baby which he had never been there for through this process, and I gave him several oppurtunities to be a part of this baby. It takes two to make a baby, and in an idealistic world two to raise a baby. People around me say just to forget he exists, to leave his name off the birthcertificate. What is your opinion or advice? Would you erase the person from your life.. if it meant protecting an innocent life?

protect your baby at all costs, and never look back towards him. you can find someone who could be a better father for your baby. it's time to think for your future without him.

I'm 1/2 way to becoming a single mom (20 weeks along) and have given much thought to the father not being in the picture. While my situation is different, I have to say that the safety of my child it paramount to any right the father/sperm donor has to be a part of it.

He's just talking trash about getting custody of the baby, or his aunt getting custody. He aparently thinks you don't have enough stress right now As long as you can provide for the child, and are providing a safe and loving home, you should be in good shape. I would check your state laws, but more importantly, I would advise any single mother-to-be to consult with a family law attorney before the baby is even born, just to know what exactly your rights are, but also to see what his rights are. I know money is tight for most of us, but check out local resources for discounted or free advice. Also, keep record of any email, im, or communication you receive from him. And don't tell him you've lawyered up, either. I would keep that info on the down-low, so you don't put him on the defensive. (or don't inspire him to do the same) And bring a trusted friend or family memeber to the initial appointment, since us preggy women tend to be a little bit forgetful, and it can be quite overwhelming.

As far as if you're doing the right thing? You've already made the right decision. You've been through the mill, but remember that a strong network of friends and family can be a better support system than a s@#t for a father. And a woman who can stand on her own two feet will do more to raise a smart independent child than one who keeps crawling back to a man who dosen't deserve either of them. Even if you have nobody, you have yourself. And your baby. Do your best (which you seem to be taking care of very well) to put him out of your life entirely. And remember..it takes one shot to be a father, biologically speaking, but it takes a whole lot more to be a daddy.

Sorry I'm so longwinded. I'm new. Wanted to put my 2 cents in, since I'm going it alone over here as well. I'm learning! But I know there are a lot of us who need some encouragement from time to time.

Good Luck!

And bring a trusted friend or family memeber to the initial appointment,

Just a note on this, you should realize that if you bring someone to an appointment with a lawyer, you are waiving your attorney client privilege and this person can be questioned about what went on during your meeting. So to keep things confidential I wouldn't recommend bringing anyone with you to see your lawyer.

Wow, didn't know that... Better just bring a notebook instead

Thanks for the insight!

Yeah its a little known fact because its presumed that since you are willing to let someone in on your conversation with your attorney, then its not privileged anymore. The same rule applies if you hold a conversation with your attorney in like an elevator or subway or anywhere that others can hear you. The other side can claim you waived your privilege and then you have to testify about what you discussed with your attorney.

As you can imagine, that would be a BAD thing.

avman