Help my 4 year old is out of control!!!!

Hi All, I am about to pull my hair out! My four son is driving me crazy. He beats on my animals and his brother and sister, and I can't get him to stop.

We have taken him to his doctor and they can only come up with its just his age and a stage he is going thru. My other 2 didn't ever act like this. I mean, he spits at people and talks back and is so wild!

I love my son with all my heart and so does his father, we are just at our wits end. We use all kinds of disipline on him and still nothing works, In our state it looks bad to spank, so there goes that option. Frankly even if I would spank him he would hit back! We just don't know what to do, he will start school next year and I know I will get at least a few calls per week if he keeps this up.

Please HELP, give us some suggestions......Thank you

i remember when i was young, when my nanny hears me cussing or mention a bad word, she would put soap in my mouth and kneel down on the ground with full of salt for hours (i dont remember how long but id kneel in a very hot day).. that was my mom's suggestion though while shes at work.. i actually stopped or watch what i say..

i do notice asian parents are really strict.. but not that bad when it comes to discipline.. theyre just very straight forward, sometimes u gotta be hardcore to make them show that you're sincere, when i was lil i used to think they hated me then growing up, i just know that they did it bec. they love me... why dont u do that?

and when im really bad and hit my sister, my dad would leave me in a dark room with no lights.. (i was scared of the dark) id like cry there and apologize and desperate to get out

and about the beating up animals thing? u can like scare him off "the more u hit the animals, the more you'll taste my fist" (shows ur fist) that usually works, my mom used to do that to me ^__^

im not saying u should copy what i went through, maybe that would give u a clue for not abusing your kids.

thanks a lot for the advice but in this state if you put a hand on a child they will take them away. A lot of things have changed since I was little, my mom used to put me over her knee and lay it to me, but the government has gotten to nosy in other peoples lives that we can't do anything. I wish things were like they used to be....but that will never happen....thanks again!

well yeh thats true, but the thing is, they never hit me.. though they've tried to threat me.. but i guess ure right about the obligations here, people can take things offensively even if u just want to discipline a kid.. oh well ill get back to u and ask my friend whose also a mom.

btw have u actually tried communicating with your child? there are some times that i wish i have a good communication with my parents back then, bec. now im grown up, its hard to express my emotions, specially anger and frustrations and our connection is like messed up..

Yes, we talk to him all the time and try to reason with him, but he can't seem to sit still long enough to listen. I am thinking the he may have ADHD, but the doctors are saying it is too early to tell. So our hands are pretty much tied until he turns 5 but hey, its not that far away! Thanks again.

I also have 3 kids, none as aggressive though. Honestly, i think that a good spanking below the waist (non marking)when really called for is not abuse. I took a child care course and they don't see that as abuse. No objects just your hand and as long as you don't bruise them. i don't like to spank, unless i really have to, because sometimes that Time-out thing just does not work. I honestly think that it's a problem these days, the kids just don't respect their parents anymore. I remember that my mom just had to look at me the wrong way and i knew id better stop.

A few weeks ago i started a behavior chart that i put on the fridge. everyday at the end of the day if they behaved good they would get a star. They had 3 strikes before they werent able to get the star. I told them that whoever had 25 or more stars, would get a toy,treat,a movie ect. Reward them for behaving bribing whatever you want to call it. So far it's been working pretty well, let's see how long that lasts. Try it out. Let me know how it goes. Well girl, good luck!

I remember that when my son did that I called the pediatrician and the nurse told me that he might be hungry, to feed him something like cheese or peanut butter.

Another thing that you can do is to be really nice to him when he is good. Give him some reward that doesn't cost anything, like a "great job" or take him to the park. Don't wait until he does it perfectly, though, reward him right away. Like teach him to pet the animal instead of hit, then if he hits, put him in time out. Make him stay in time out 4 minutes, one minute for every year of his age. Stick with it too. Make sure that you and your husband do everything exactly the same with him, he is really just pushing limits. ADD and ADHD have at their roots anxiety, depression, or anti-social problems. If you insist, they should be able to give you some ritalin. The idea that he has to be in school to be good is totally wrong, dont accept that from them, see another doctor if this is the answer.

You can hold him out of school for a year. That is what most people seem to be doing now a days. There are also special education classes and entire schools set up to deal with hard to handle students.

Thank you all for the advice. I just recently checked out the whole spanking issue with our Dept. Of Social Services and they said that a spanking with an open hand on the bottom is ok but no to over do it, they said like spank 3 times on the bottom and let it go. I spoke with my mom and she said to give him a hug afterwards to show him that I still love him and did not like giving him a spanking but it was for his own good.

My husband and his mother were talking and she said he done the exact same thing when we was little, so apparently it runs in the family. My other 2 children aren't his, so I guess that may explain a lot. Again thank you all for the suggestions....and keep praying for us.

you may think i'm crazy but i live in liberal california where you can get away with just about everything. spanking teaches him to hit. at that age you are showing him what is exceptable with everything you do. spend time redirecting him over and over and over again. It is sooo frustrating but it works Be creative. Maybe he is an outdoors type of child tire him out take him out side and play running races with him. Take him one on one every opputunity you can and talk to him alot in a slow mild tone. Yelling and loud voices start violent behaviors. Be as calm and scheduled and regular in your activities as you can all of these things show him struture and dependibility and security which calms and assures him.also take him to a doctor and express your concerns if you dont feel they listen to you take him to another. counselors for you in your freetime also. make sure you get breaks from him also. And bed time is very important make sure it is early and the same time every night. start early and slowly lead up to it.try dinner then bath. then story. then a movie a short one of course sometimes it helps for it to be the same one all week then change it next week. try a phonics abc tape first. repitition is key. then bedtime. dont forget a drink. stick to the program and have your time at night. fyi I have a autistic son and a 3 year old and a 2 year old and i tryed this and all the drama is much easier i have bad days and good days but the bad days are fewer. good luck.

Think of some things that you personally like or that you think that he may be good at....this may take some time. My child is nine and he is just starting to come out of the terrible twos that you are referring to in your original letter. I finally have taken him to a social worker myself and guess what, things turned around immediately after that....I am telling you the truth!! She told me what to have him ignore in school. The teachers are treating him better, everyone is treating him better.

Tell him stories about when you were young. Read him stories about mythology and fairie tails, and history. Set up some goals in your own head that say this is what I will do if he does...., I will say this and punish him this way.

WE all remember being hit when we are young because it s a traumatic experience. If that occurs to him too often, then he will become a bully.

Ignoring his tantrums and sending him to his room are the two best things that you can do.

On the first day of kindergarten they will most likely be expected to be able to write their own name and know how to make a few letters, like A, B, C...also be able to cut things out.

Read simple directions to him, like how to make rice, or pudding, etc. Ask him to do one and two step activities. Have him clean up his room.

Hi, Thanks goes out to all that have gave me some good advice. we decided to buy a special TIME OUT chair and it even says it on it, and we sat it in the corner and make him sit there when he does wrong.

we explained to him about hitting the dogs that it could get mommy and daddy in trouble to if you hit them, so it has stopped for now. The TIME OUT seat seems to be working, we had to try it out last night when he started his little fits.

Well, Thanks again....let me know if I can ever help you all with anything.