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Thread: 5 months away from wedding - should we do it or not?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2004

    5 months away from wedding - should we do it or not?

    A few weeks ago, my fiance revealed to me that he has serious issues dealing with controlling parents and that in response to this, he has developed anorexia. I came to realize this when he was unable to stand up to his parents re wedding planning and let his parents control almost all aspects to the wedding. At first I felt so decieved, that at no time in the course of 4 years together did he mention this (I could see some of the behaviors, but he never explained the severity.) He says that he was in denial himself and didn't mean to hurt me. He is in therapy for this, but now I am trying to figure out how to process this new information and what to do now.

    We met in college and have been together for 4 years -- everything was great until we got engaged. Now I'm wondering whether I am able to deal with all of this and whether I should just take a deep breath and go at it on my own. He is my first serious boyfriend and I keep wondering whether I am accepting more problems than I should had I had more perspective on what else is out there. Also, through therapy, I am able to see things about our relationship that I didn't before -- like how he depends on me a little too much, doesn't really have as much self-confidence as I would like and I don't know whether he'll be a strong man for everything that comes our way down the line. He is incredibly sweet, sensitive, caring - but this is a lot of new information and suddenly everything is chaos where it used to be perfect.

    I love him very much... but is that enough? Should I stay or should I go? Should we postpone? cancel? Help!!

  2. #2
    Member lil_mamarains13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Well if you feel this way I guess you can't truly say for better, for worse, through sickness and in health that you do. I think that is a little harsh because you should love your man for who he is. I am not trying to judge you or hurt you, but do you think if you were in his shoes he would love you any less. I doubt he told you anything about this because he was embarrased and feared it would hurt what little pride he has in himself. Why don't the two of you go to therapy together and try to work things out? Maybe he can learn to be more confident and learn to stand up for himself towards his parents. You can probably help him do this one step at a time. I think you need to ask yourself if you really love this guy enough to help him through his problems. Do you love him enough to stand by him? Everyone has their flaws, lord knows I do, but that is all part of who we are. I hope I helped.

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