i need advise for raising my fiance's brother

Hey. Its been awhile since I posted. Aiden is now 3 months and doing great. I was born and raised in London, and we went back on March 26th for 2 weeks. I just got back last Friday, but Rob came home a week before because his mother was in the hospital. His mother had gone into cardiac arrest and slipped into a coma by the time they revived her. She died 3 days later. Rob did not even have a chance to say goodbye and that he was sorry.

Rob's mother was raped 2 years ago and had a son named Charles. She had 2 other son's, Damien(19) and George(6). Damien has a different dad than Rob. When she passed away a week ago Sunday, Rob's father sunk into a depression and he had a hard time taking care of 16 month old Charlie. When I came back, we kept him here for awhile so his dad could have some time to think easier.

We went to take Charlie back today to see his dad. When we walked in, no one was home, and there was a note on the table. His father took George and left. He left a note saying that he could not take Charles, because he was not his son. He asked us to raise Charlie as our own child. With help from my parents, we made a decision to keep him.

We need help with the parenting thing. He is not our blood son, but he is Rob's blood brother. We think it might be bad for him being raised knowing that his *father figure* did not love him. But then thinking about it, if we told him when he was older that he was not our son, it might do damage then, knowing that we lied to him. I wish it was easier, and we love him, but this is going to be very hard.

Does anybody know what we should tell him when he asks when he is older. He is only 16 months now, and he will probably be asking soon. Please help us. Thanks.

Hi Jafreak

First of all, I would like to commend your actions. You are right, this is not going to be easy, but the delights you will experience with Charlie will always negate the difficulties.

From a personal point of view, I would think that you have to tell Charlie the truth as soon as he can understand it. I found out that I was adopted when I was 13, not the best age (when is), and not at the best time - I was at boarding school and my parents were abroad at the time.

I think your biggest difficulty, surely, though is going to be explaining to Charlie who his natural father is. Personally, I would not presume to advise on this forum, I would recommend that you seek professional counsel in this regard. If I understand you correctly, Charlie was conceived as a result of rape? I don't know how you are going to explain the circumstances of his conception, or the lack of presense of his 'father figure'.

I hope that ultimately Rob's father can grow to form some attachment to Charlie.

Good luck to all of you.

G xx

how can charlie be Rob's blood brother??? Is rob's father the same guy who raped your mother with charlie?

they have the same mom... wouldnt that be considered blood relative?