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Confused girl from the Philippines needs advice and friends


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hi! actually my concern is very much similar to the posts here. but with my case, i never got the guts to act on it. dont get me wrong, i am attracted to guys very much but maybe out of frustrations that i dont get to meet 'nice guys' i am now opening my doors to girls for the simple reason that they say that guys find it hard to commit and be faithful. well anyway, that is not the reason why i need your advice on. recently, i am attracted to girls--not those butch type kind (no offense!)--but feminine girls like me. i really want to know if i am just curious or really a bi. i came from a very conservative family and country. believe me when i say that my country is very conservative. 'abnormal' genter is still unaccepted in our country. what i need advice is how do you act on it? make a move?

 

people with similar case, pm me. would really like your insights on this

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Hi

 

Well, here in America, everyone wants to make you think that if you have any thoughts whatsoever of someone from the opposite gender, then you are bisexual or gay. But think about it really... Are your thoughts for the opposite sex having to do with sex appeal? Are you interested in the way girls look and it turns you on? If this is the case, then really you are not gay or bi, you are just reacting to the curious human nature to explore sexual desires. There is no need to react about sexual desires by thinking that you are bi or gay. Or do you really think that your personality is best accented by the female personality? See, men were made for women, and women for men. It is true that a lot of guys are afraid of committment. A lot are unfaithful. But that is true of each gender. There is a special person out there appointed just for you. He is charming, faithful, and willing to commit his very life to you. He is willing to give up things for you, and do whatever he can to make you happy. The way that women are made is quite different than that. As women, we want to be helpful to our mates, we want to make our mates feel strong and wanted, it is simply engrained into our personalities to want to bring out the best in a man. Our personalities, no matter what anyone says, are made to bring out the best in men, and vice versa. So if you get the notion that you like the way women are, well then that's alright! I admire some women, too. I sometimes wish I could be like other girls, I admire the way they look, or the way they act, or the things that they can do. But I in no way will ever be confused by a bunch of people telling me that these are gay thoughts. Don't get confused; think about it really. What makes it so special when you imagine yourself with a man? It is special because you know in your heart that you are made for a man. The parts fit perfectly. The personalities match perfectly. All you have to do is wait to find that man of your dreams. He will come, and you will both be happy.

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I wouldn't listen to that guy. Your special person in the world could be male or female. You have to listen to your heart and be open to what it is telling you. Perhaps you are just curious and a simple sexual hook up will cure you of your desire. Or maybe it is more than that.

 

I don't know a lot of straight women who open the door to loving women because there aren't enough guys out there who are willing to commit. Most of them wait it out until they find one who is willing to commit. I mean, if you aren't gay then nothing can make you gay. If you are gay, nothing can change that either. You can try to control your feelings, but they won't go away.

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what are you on dudesy?

 

don't listen to him (dudesy)

 

it's good that you're open-minded enough to try new things and all that, but your reasons for wanting to have a relationship with a woman is pretty damn stupid. so say you're in realationship with a woman and some guy grows fond of you and wants to have a relationship and commit, would you just drop your current relationship and run of with the guy? then you weren't in the lesbian relationship for the right reasons.

 

go out, have fun, try things out, but dont fool yourself, dont be dishonest to yourself. if you are straight, than deal with the "misfortunes" of not finding a mate. if you are gay, dont treat women as standby mates till the "right" one comes along..

if you are bi, make sure you treat your mate, no matter what gender with the rights that they deserve..

 

i dont like the word mate

 

argh! that dudesy guy pissed me off.

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thank you for all your input and advice i really appreciate it. thought that this post will be left unnoticed and unanswered.

 

i think i am bicurious but i want to be really sure. the problem is basically i dont have the guts to act on it. like i said, in our country it is still unacceptable. do u have some tips on how to go about this? looking at a person, would you be able to know if she is bi, straight or gay?

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Skye,

 

I think you are more brave than you give yourself credit for. It takes a lot of guts to even acknowledge that you have these feelings, and the fact that you posted them here, for all of us to read, really proves how brave you are. I know that we are lucky in the US for having some safe places to explore these issues, but luckily you have access to some of them as well. I remember being 13 and confused and craving the company of others like me. I didn't know where to look for support/answers, and I was quite alone for a long time. Some websites you will find helpful are:

link removed

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Do not focus on labels right now-- you are who you are, and ultimately labels will only box you in. Attraction is a funny thing- you can't predict or influence who you will be attracted to. Just go with it, and explore it to whatever extent makes you happy.

As for what cues to look for in identifying other gay people, I can tell you a few things that we use here in the US, but they may differ in your country. Here, a rainbow flag is a symbol of gay/lesbian/bi pride and community. So is a labrys (double edged axe used by Amazon women) and a lambda (greek letter "L"). I would suggest finding some online community that could help you find better ways to locate others like you. link removed could probably be your best bet right now.

 

Good luck!

 

~Kim

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