how can i get my mom to talk to me?

hey. im new here.

im 14 and i have had a boyfriend before and my mom knew about it. she was fine with it until i saw him one day (we didnt see each other very often) and then she had a problem with him. we ended up breaking up a couple weeks later and i told my mom and she was happy. we were still talking because we stayed friends and then i got another boyfriend. she was mad about him but didnt say anything except that i was too young to have a boyfriend. i broke up with him a week ago after only going out for 2 weeks because he wanted to touch me and i would not let him.

i met this guy named rob last weekend and i really like him. i was talking to him on the phone last night and my mom asked me who it was and i said that it was rob, and she started flipping out on me because my ex's name was rob too. she thought it was him. i told her it wasnt him and i dont think she believed me.

today i was at my cousin's where my new friend rob lives and we were all hanging out and my mom knew 2 of the guys because they live around here and she knows them pretty good. when i got into the car, she asked who the other guy was and i told her it was rob. she started flipping on me and she said that she had told me never to talk to him again and stuff like that. i tried telling her that it was a different rob and she wouldnt believe me i dont think. she told me that i was not allowed at my cousin's anymore because my mom thinks my aunt lets anything go on there adn she doesnt care what happens.

my aunt is the exact opposite. my mom was telling me again that i was too young to be hanging out with boys and she asked me when i had gotten so intrested in them. i was 12. 12 and she didnt even know. all i want is my mom to talk to me so that she can see that i would not do anything stupid with a guy and that she can trust me. thats all i want, is for my mom to talk to me and see what is going on in my life. my sister is 25 with 2 kids and my brother is 23 so i dont see why she shouldnt have atleast a half hour every once in a awhile just to talk to me and see whats going on.

plz help me to try to get her to talk to me.

I couldn't tell from your post if you are just having difficulties talking to your mother about this one problem, or in general. Either way, why not spend some more time with your mother just doing things together. And than when you two are getting along, maybe you could tactfully bring up this subject and try to have a talk about it when you're not both emotionally charged over it.

Ouch! I've been in your situation before. It sounds all too familiar!

My mom was like that when I was around your age. Boy, did she flip out! Actually, she's still like that even now, but worse back then! She was really strict, and possessive of my personal information. Anything I did, anybody I spoke to, she would always have to know anything and everything! I couldn't breath. After being rebellious a few times, my mom finally had to accept the fact that I was just 'growing up.'

I can't be a hypocrite and say that "You're too young to be dating." But it's true. I started dating at age 13, and regret it. Trust me, your mother has 'good intentions.' I wish my mind was more focused on books, rather than on boys. She is just trying to be protective of your future. She's just overly worried. Sometimes, being overly protective is unhealthy on child. I wouldn't do that to my kids. When I have kids, I would hope that they would talk to me like they would to their peers.

So, to make a long story short, your mother and my mother sound the same. They both act overbearing, so that they can control our lives. It's as if they're trying to control every part of our lives. But, just remember, she is your mother, and you are living under her roof. Meaning, you'll have to put up with this until 4 more years, when you choose to move out at 18.

I promise you, just communicate with her, then she will mellow out. My mom finally gave up the fight. Now she respects my space. Yet, she still won't allow me to put a lock on my door. But, the chaos will die out. Just communicate with her. Tell her "Mother, I know that you are really traditional, but I'm not. I live in a new generation. I know that I shouldn't be dating, but horomonally, it's natural for teenagers to start finding interest in each other. So mom, please try to be my bestfriend. I love you, and don't want to jeopardize our relationship!"

Say something like that, so that she won't feel offended, and at the same time, she'll look at it in a different light. Just say, "Chill mom! I will carry on your values. Look mom, I won't do anything to upset you!"

Just show that you are willing to be a good daughter, and your dating process is a normal process.

My Last and Final Advice :

1. Even if your mom is overbearing, she does not mean to. She just doesn't know how to emotionally express herself right.

2. Your mother is family. Family always comes first.

3. No one will ever give you the best advice, except for your family, or a mature and trusted friend. (When I mean mature, I don't mean those 'crowd' pleasers!)

4. Once you grow up, you'll understand where she's coming from, and wished she'd nag you more often. I wish my mom did.

5. Books Before Boys!

6. Put family before your friends. Don't let your friends pull you into a life of partying.

7. Don't believe everything boys tell you. Be wise.

8. Take her word of advice, and appreciate it.

Also, you might want to have your aunt talk to your mom. If your mother is stubborn like my mom, sometimes it takes a lot of coaching for her to break down her mentality. Don't worry about it. Mothers freak out like this in the beginning, because they don't know how to handle your new life phenomena! Change often scares people. So, it's normal that she's worried. She probably doesn't want you to get pregnant at an early age, and mixed up with the wrong crowd. That's all. All of this drama will die down. Trust me! Once she realizes that you are simply, just growing up, she'll begin to talk to you more like an adult. My mom does, and it's kinda freaky, because now I feel like the parent.

Hang in there!

Mahlina

P.S.- remember to always communicate with your mother. After all, she's your blood. She loves you. You Never know when the person you love will pass away. So cherish her as much as you can now. Even if she's unbearable.Appreciate her. Keep her words of wisdom. But tell her that you need some 'space' sometimes. I'm sure that she will grow to be more understanding and flexible.

if you haven't tried this already, just one day (make sure your mom has been having a good day) tell her you want to talk to her. tell her you want to be serious about this talk & you don't want her to yell, you just want her to listen. tell her then. hopefully she will listen. also, if that doesn't work, try writing her a letter explaining. that way she can't interrupt or yell or whatever, she'll be forced to read. maybe it will also help if you ask her to just give him a chance. if she agrees, invite him over one day & let your mom get to know him. i think your mom just doesn't want you to get hurt, although i do think shes being a little rediculous about it, but just try what i've suggested. if all that doesn't work, have your aunt, or someone your mom maybe talks to a lot & trusts explain this to her.

I know how you feel, Your mom cares about you obviously and it all seems like she is holding you back and doesn'y want you to have fun or have exspirience, (I know like you I am 14) it seems hard to except from another of the same age, but why don't you tell her that he wanted to touch you (have you already), and you said NO, that will probably put a little more faith in her, that you have been raised with the knowledge of abstenense. I kinda regret going out so early and my mom letting me cuz man there are things she doesn't know, yikes (don't worry not horrible)! I have told her all of them and I feel I am a better person, so if you haven't told her don't kee it from her, confrentaion works! It really does. I think you need to have a daughter to mom talk maybe work things out, set quidlines, screaming and yelling doesn't anything! I agree with everyone who has responded to you. All so tru. who knows you could invite him to dinner to meet your mom! Or if you feel confortable I wouldn't but just a suggestion get all three of you to talk and interact. Sorry I wasn't of much further help, I can say I know how you feel, don't worry its a phase that your mom's going through live and let live, she let go, just don't take advantage k?-laur PEACE!