Girlfriend cuts herself, don't know what to do

My girlfriend cuts herself and i don't know what to do... She hadn't cut herself for a while, because i said "if you cut yourself again, I will too," but last night, she asked me if it was o.k. if she cut herself... and i said that i really don't want her to, but then it is her body, and she can do what she wants... but it really makes me worried about her, I love her more than anybody in the world, and i just don't know what to do... she's depressed, and she says she wants to kill herself... i said that if she killed herself, then i would too, because i can't go on without her. she thinks that she's not worth it... and... yeah... i just want her to be okay.

This girl needs help. She needs to see a doctor or counsellor. Try sitting down with her and asking calmly why she wants to cut herself. When you feel that it's right, tell her that there is help out there for her, and she doesn't have to feel this way. Tell her that others have been in her position, and recovered with the right treatment. Even offer to go to see a doctor or counsellor with her, if she's scared. The bottom line is, she needs help.

Hi Sk8r55,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your girlfriend. I agree with pip, she does need some help for this. It can become a really strong addiction that is hard to move away from. And she probably feels REALLY guilty that she is disappointing you. Making a suicide pact with her isn't going to stop her from things. She has to work through this with some help.

 

We are holding a group chat on this next Tuesday. Perhaps you and maybe even your girlfriend would join us to share thoughts and ideas on things?

 

avman

i also agree with pip and avman. as a fellow self harmer i know that all i want is for some one to help me and support me through all the tough times so that i dont turn to the sharp object- which is why i come here.

But what i find odd is the fact that your girlfriend asked you for permission to do it.

Now dont go mad and remove every single sharp thing from the house or anything like that because that will only make her feel trapped and uncomfortable that she told you and that will make her not want to confide in you anymore. what i can reccomend though is you talking to her and ask her what it is that drives her to do it to herself. then allow her to recognise your fears not only for her safety but also for the relationship because im sure that it isnt doing the relationship any good at all- thats why i have broken up with countless men but then assure her that you still love her and that you will stand by whatever she wants to do.

 

I hope this all helps.

If you need more then dont hesitate to ask.

Catie aka lil_unique_me xxx

*big hug*

hey

i have a few friends who self harm, i know its nothin like having a partner who self harms but i kinda know where youre coming from, if you really care for her and would do anythin then just stick by her, im guessing that she just really needs the support. dependin on your age she could get a mentor or counsellor, maybe you could go with her to show her that you will be there for her.

does she know the reason for her depression? (dont answer if too personal)

 

~LJ =;

she had a rough childhood... (fighting parents, etc.) we're both in middle school, just in case you were wondering

 

And what i said about killing myself if she killed herself is true, because i feel like i can't go on without her, she missed school today, and by the end of the day i was banging my head on my desk because i missed her so much and was so worried that she might do something.

hey

thanks for sharing that with us, i can understand why she self harms, it shows that you really love her if you are willing to kill yourself so that you can be with her, you must have really thought and talked about it with her.

 

~LJ =;

Hey..well here it goes..i have to say ive been in your gf situation...i have cut myself and i have attempted suicide....it is a cry for help....tell her you will take her to a councelor...and i mean go with her...ask her if she wants u to go in with if not maybe just drive her...if i had someone like that when i was in that much pain it would have been a relief..now this mite scare you a little but doing that to yourself becomes addictive because its a release from your current emotional pain...the more you do it the worse it will get...in other words if you dont help her as soon as possible one day it might be unreparable....but if it comes down to a point where she wont let you help her then you have done all you can. People can only save themselves if they do it on their own or accept the help right in front of them. If she doesnt then shes just not ready to heal from whatever is bothering her. If you can t handle it at some point never feel guilty because you can only help her so much. At some point you may have to be selfish and do whats best for you....but before it gets to that point read up on depression. Find a good safe place to bring her for councelling and all you can do is hold her hand while she goes through this tough time....hope i was some help....take care

update: she has cut herself i think 4 or 5 times since i posted this... It's not helping. I understand why she cuts, and im doing everything i can to help her, but it's like she's addicted. the last time i told her that i would cut myself if she did again, she just said "fine, then i wont tell you when i cut myself" she tells me not to cut myself, but when i tell her not to cut herself, she just says "but i cant stop"

 

im getting desperate

well im srta in the same boat... except im the one... well dont go to prof help... she may not be too happy w/ u! but its a hard decision to make... help her through it and tell her how much u care about her... i, personally, dont cut myself... but ive been going through alot lately and ive just recently started doing some drugs, which was not a good thing.... but right now i dont believe things could get any worse... remind her that she only lives once, whether its her belief or not, its all she has at the moment, and that she has u... be there for her... comfort her... tell her things will get better.... etc... my bf did this, it talked me outta suicide

her mom is an @$^&*!#. the other day, her mom said "if you're going to kill yourself, dont do it in the house" i want to kill her mom.

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now im starting to scare myself, somehow i ended up asking her for a blade to cut myself with. im so confused, i dont know what to do.

getting mad at her mum aint gonna help you

im sure that she didnt mean that. i think that she was just reacting out of the shock of it all.

have you thought about that at all? or has she done this before?

Catie xxx

It's not out of shock. She knew what she was saying, and she meant it. Her mom has always been a b**** to her, and her mom is one of the main reasons she's depressed.

is there no father on the scene? can you not talk to him about his wife?

its just a thought about it. how old is she again? when can she legally move out?

Catie xxx

Whoa, deja vo. I went through the same thing except I was the cuter. I had been in an abusive relationship and this really nice guy brought me out of it and forced me to stop cutting. He had cut himself too and we both got eachother to stop. He threatened to cut himself if I did. I didn't believe him so I cut myself, now he has a huge scar on his arm where he dug a key into it. That brought me back really fast. I'm not saying that you should go cut yourself, please don't think that. I would say that as a last resort. But show her how you feel! Tell her everything that you've told us on the forum. Make her feel loved. I've always had trouble with my parents growing up so I've had a hard time socially. But once someone showed me how important I was to them I came out of my shell.

 

If you think that she really will kill herself tell an adult, not her mother though. Call 911 or do something, but don't just take it lightly. I had a friend who almost swallowed a whole jar of pills until we told her parents.

 

Just be there for her and don't give up! I know it must be stressful but keep trying, you may be her only hope.

 

Good Luck, Keep Us Updated.

is there no father on the scene? can you not talk to him about his wife?

its just a thought about it. how old is she again? when can she legally move out?

Catie xxx

her dad basically ignores her, and i really dont want to talk to her parents... heh.

 

she's 13, it'll be 5 years before she can legally move out

she cut herself the other day, i made her promise to tell me whenever she cuts. I told her that if she feels like cutting in the middle of the night or something she can call me and we can talk about it... but so far that hasn't helped. I'm doing everything i can.

ok so listen you have to talk to her about what exactly upsets her and then tell me cos without that i cant really halp you i man im kinda graspin at straws here mate

Catie xxx

cutting is mad addictive. It's so hard to stop once you start, and sometimes just thinking about it or hearing about it makes you consider doing it again. If she wants to seek a counselor and so on then that is a great idea, however, if this suggestion only makes her pull back, the best thing you can do is be there for her. If you really truly care about her enough to walk her through it that is the best thing. She really just needs to feel like someone is truly there for her. She probably feels very alone. Not that she doesn't like you, she's probably just so used to being let down or hurt by people. With how she asked for your permission on cutting...I'm guessing she probably is very confused and is trying to let you know she still isn't alright and it's hard not to cut. She might be trying to get you to tell her it's not alright for her to...that she doesn't have to because you are there. You really just need to constantly be there for her. She's probably very low self-confidence and hurting really deeply inside. She needs someone.

 

Good luck to you and her both. It's a scary situation. I agree with everyone else so far, she needs help. Seeking professional help is the best thing...however, I know in that place I would pull back from that. If so, the best thing to do is be her counselor, her friend, listen to her, let her know you care. Everyone needs somebody.

yes the fresh opinion. well its much appreciated and i am sure that another perspective on this will be much apprecaited.

Catie xxx

she says she's stopped cutting. she says that it just makes her feel worse now, so... yeah... but now im scratching myself, and you're right, it is addictive, im not nearly as depressed as she is, and i havent done it in a while, but every once and a while i get the urge to do it, and i cant help myself, i tell her whenever i do it, and i promised not to do it anymore, so... yeah... i guess we're both o.k... but im still keeping a close watch on her, im helping her as much i can

that is a good think that you are keeping an eye on her.

i ahev an addiction to it as well and i oftren give in but you know what helps me most- a stress ball.

just get one and squeeze the hell out of it and it really does work.

Catie xxx

apperently she lied or something, she cut herself yesterday, she also stuck a needle in her arm yesterday, she burnt herself (salt and ice, not fire... dunno how that works though) a couple days ago. everything is falling apart in front of me.

is there no chance that you can tlk to her and make her see how you see her? i think that that may help to see it. And then just say that you love her as a mate and that you don't want anything bad to happen to her and try and find ways of making her thin that her life is not so bad.

That work???

Catie xxx

this Is for sk8r. erm salt makes ice colder and ice will burn your skin if it is on for long enough because it makes your arms cold. Does that help you at all?

Catie xxx