Chatter chatter chatter

Hi boys and girls......kind of weird topic..ive been very conscious of late about my thought patterns ...and how negative they are..tut tut.In my great wisdom !! ha ha... ive decided to commence a war on my negative thinking and the constant bitching it can manifest.One way im trying to do this is to replace thease thoughts with more positive rational ones .But i find it really hard as my mind is constantly in action making.. judgements and observations all the time..and i must admit what first springs to mind is the negative thinking.One way i have counteracted this in the past is to block all thoughts out of my mind and just operate on one wavelength ( just tuning into the positive thoughts in my mind)..with some suprising effects .Some of thease effects for example were a feeling of total contentment and a feeling of being happy for not being so conscious of other peoples views of me and my actions.Some comments i had from other people included that they were surprised with how how confident i seemed... you seem so happyyyyyyy what is it with you...... and other comments were ......jeeeeezzzzzzzn you seem so ignorent now adays.So i questioned myself and resorted to finding out another way to think.

Anyway im wondering is their any other ways of achieving a higher state of consciousness which are any easier that im doing now( wrestling with thease thoughts all the time) or is this battle going to go on forever till my last breath? ......tips and suggestions most welcome.......what a weird post!!! 0X

Do i sound like gollum out of lord of the rings?!!!

Do i sound like gollum out of lord of the rings?!!!

i dont think so, i reakon i will have to get back to you on that one!

as for the previous, and unique post you did. i kind of understand what it is your saying, so you constantly wait around and worry about others opinions on you but you constantly have negative thought patterns towards others? (is that right or am i completely off par)?

but it seems like you have (if im right) passed on your sinicle thoughts about others and yourself towards you doing the same, its like when someone says, oh i dislike racism but they go ahead and do it. you with me? its like you think about others views on you so much you are now just basically looking around and then experiancing the thoughts that you are.

so i reakon that the whole zoning out was an ok idea but i reakon youd have just come back to the negative thougts (like you have) so maybe if you werent maybe as self conscious or worrying about others views you wouldnt have this one mind track.

get me? because it seemed after you changed everyone had mixed views and you became confused again, but if you were to like what you were and be comfortable with that you wouldnt have to worry as much about others opinion thereforeeee hopefully limiting what your thinking.

wow that was confusing and a possible help but maybe not (just an idea)

kel

Thankyou so much for reading the post and trying to make sense of it!!!...and i applaude you for replying .

When i look back and read the post it seems so confusing.unique post your right there!! ....ok so here goes im going to try and sum it up so it is less complex.

What it is i sometimes i wonder whether im just thinking the right things sometimes ..... no way am i a negative person and always think negatively i just sometimes find it a struggle to weigh things up in my mind.....you could say when i think i sometimes over analysise and see things way to deeply .So i just think to myself jeeeeeezzzzz their must be an easier way to think and i go off on this quest and just totally block all negative thoughts out of my mind and i must admit when i do this i am so happy.But then it will occur to me... hang on get real.... your not been realistic if you arnt consciece of the negative thoughts in your head....... and your living in your own bubble.

Its not about being self conscious (im preety comfortable in my own skin) but then again it could be..way to much!!.hmmmmm.I think its just about achieving a balance, and all thease kind of mind games and trying to look at things totally diffrently is not worth it.I suppose its just down to a quset to finding and achieving happiness.

About the gollum bit i came home from a night out and read my own post and i was in fits of laughter over it so i just typed that bit about gollum. Thanks again kelly i presume your names kelly anyway.

yeah my names kelly but i dont particularaly like to be called that, its like one of those memories where my mum used to say my entire name to ensure i knew i was being told off! (you ever had that)? i think its traditional within parenting. so for onw its just kel

and yeah the gollum bit was a proper like cherry on the ice-cream to make this one hell of a post.

you have the same thing as me where you over alanyse a situation, usually mines comes out negative and i can argue that point with any question someone shoots at me becuase i think about it too much. its like someone does something out of the ordinary and you assume after thinking it was good there has to be some interia motive. but yeah i have that (if thats what your talking about)?

to be honest you right with saying you have to find you own happy medium but likely its just a deffence mechanism as well, or well thats how i see it. but i dont know you can sway it any way.

do you have it under control until you think, come on get real?

only i reakon you'll be ok, besides read your reply yo my post and you'll find that you even said there is no balance, theres just a happy median!

kel

gezzzzzzzz why does life seem so complecated sometimes?.I love it though having the ability to look at situations diffrently....do you ever get people telling you that you think way to deeply?...i think its a talent personally!!!.I think the big question is what is reality? and dont we make are own reality?...according to the individuals we are.I think im beginning to find that happy medium we were taliking about .. .are you in general a happy person? and what makes you happy?...hey thanks again for replying to the post

yeah i get that, where people are like wow why or how do you do that, its odd though because if i am around someone i can analyse their mood, and its not too good when you know somethings wrong yet they hide it (which is me in a nut shell) but its the fact that you realise it.

sometimes i think its a talent like you but then sometimes i rack my brain a little too much and make positives into negatives which isnt too good.

but i just do it, it seems odd but its natural, and in some sense i find that a little odd, you know?

i like your thought pattern on reality and i believe your right, we all make up what we wish to believe, its like the way we percieve, yet i always stand by not changing others opinions yet stating your own, and im open to others views swaying me (please god be making sense).

thats the thing, im a really happy person all round, im like the out going one in the group, get on with new people, loves new things, is loud, and generally happy, but thats what makes a fault, yeah i see bad things around me but nothing exactly and precisely bad is happening to me, thats when over analysing becomes bad and you confince yourself there is something wrong.

i guess i do what ever i want to make me happy, its like yeah i can have one fav. thing to do but if at that time i dont want to do it, i dont force myself, i think a continuous thing that makes me happy is my boyfriend, but seen in others posts thats what makes me worry.

im a really social person and im always out, i never like to stop and i hate to be quiet, i think i really do have a fear of silence.

but still man i say soo much.

but its ok with me answering, your being kind enough to answer mine, besides im interested.

kel

hey its good to talk......always remember that.I find you very intresting and i could listen to you all day.Its nice when you find you have things in common with people.Hey dont question yourself if your happy with your boyfriend........thats a sure sign of love and i think ultimately that makes us the most happiest.I sometimes ( well all of the time) are like you have a fear of silences.Im always been known to be outgoing and finding new people intresting and to be honest ive only started to realise when in conversation silences are a good thing as they enable us to cotemplate feelings and thoughts of whats been said.Anyway thanks again for sharing your thoughts on this crazy unique topic.....and dont be afraid to get in contact if you want in the future...im always ready to listen.Yours sincerly gollum

hey gollum!

i read over your last responce again and for some reason just wanted to talk, your right in saying its great to talk and i believe so, and since the last time i spoke you were willing to listen then here goes.

do you know when you put about having silences can be a benefit within a conversation but i wouldnt say this is all the time would you? i mean sometimes people have really bad communication levels despite how much of a friendship they have with one another, i think despite disliking silence there has to be it, yet what about those awkward silences or the ones where poeple are reluctant to bring up a conversation.

ever had that?

would you ever over analyse love? since its something we both have the same characteristics with? or interprite why a person is with you?

just curious.

oh and by any chance do you like the film minority report? random in know but i guess i do and was curious.

kel

heloooo again.........Yeah i dislike silences myself...and i dont think they can always be a good thing.......depends how long they go on for.As i said before it is good as it gives you time for reflection.I suppose it depends on who your with and the environment....if its just the two of you silences can be bad.....i really get anxious in those situations.I hate small talk and i find small talk so frustrating, and i know its good to be polite etc etc...but you never get to find out about the real person and whats going on in their head.How about you are you any good with small talk ? or do you go straight for the jugular!!!.

Been a male i find males tend to talk loads of small talk...and irelevent crap...and i prefer to talk to women myself...so much better at exspressing their emotions( no im not... im not gay!!).I sometimes wonder how the hell do you women cope in relationships when the man never talks or opens up?...do you find it hard with the opposite sex?.............sorry im going off on one...i love it!!.

Yeah i do get annoyed with people who find it hard to bring up a conversation..especially when you have showed intrest in them...i find it rude myself sometimes.....but then again i think to myself (dont get annoyed its not worth it ...their loss)..geezzz this is a long one..............

Over analyse love....yeah to right!!...have done in the past.But i dont think its healthy when your in a relationship...as i have found that analysing it... gets in the way of been able to give it.I dont know if im answering your question ...or giving you the feedback you want?

Hmmm......... interpreting why someone is with you?.I think that is a hard thing to do....depends on the person who you are in a relationship with...they must like you for some reason ...you must share certain traits with each other..be it big things or little things...have that bit of chemistry between you that binds you together.I carnt really give you a straight answer...but please dont doubt yourself that your worthy of love...everyone deserves it...well almost everyone.I think if you asked whoever you was with why they were with you ...you wouldnt get a perfect logical answer... because love is based more on feelings and emotions..which of course half the time doesnt make any sense.

Minority report yeah good film.........but i prefer magnolia (great, but heavy)...and vanilla sky..crazy.Why do you ask that?

Lol I just writ a response to this and it didn't work, wow I have to start again, lucky me.

Lol

But yeah im like you with the small talk I don't mind if its something you do on a first meeting basis but I don't understand why it continues throughout a friendship, I don't mind having to build on things because I can understand that it doesn't come easy to have something worth keeping but I dislike when someone does not try as much as you or at least attempts, you know?

I can understand that people have their ups and downs so I can take that in but I never lie with someone from the beginning, im a pretty outgoing person so from the start you kind of know what your letting yourself in for (if that's how im meant to phrase it)

Basically im pretty outgoing and opinionated so its obvious I don't like to be quiet, I adapt to a person and it doesn't bother me if they are shy. I think sometimes you need a range of friends so you're able to open up.

As for the how do I get on with males, I get on a lot more with male friends that I do female, and that's saying something because my relationships with females is also great. Since I was young I have been able to talk and open up more to males than females and have been a little more comfortable, well until something happened and I became insecure but that's something else.

So I get on with males, and the reason I analyse love was because a bit back something happened and I then queried why a man would be with me, I got used to not comparing and putting it to the back of my mind but it would soon crop up again. But my boyfriend is really open in the way he feels about me, so I know the answer to the final question for him.

Oh and your doing great at responding, it seems like we both have had past experiences that have made us do or react the way we do to date.

The whole film thing was because I was thinking about it, and I enjoyed the film, it's hard for me to actually enjoy a film because I analyse the plot too much or the characters roles, so I guess I thought id ask.

kel

i know what you mean......you make perfect sense to me.Dont stop questioning i admire that in you.It seems we have kind of the same personalitys.... mrs gollum!.I happened to read your post about being a bit down which you posted the other day..........good advice by Adman...be yourself good or bad......because thats the strongest talent anyone can have .I hope your feeling better in yourself anyway.

God i sound so cheezy at times it makes me sick!...but thats just me.. huuugh huughh.

thanks gollum, i appreciate that.

the post yesterday was just one of those things i do to vent, like i said i do everything by metaphor or riddle, it just makes it easier for me, and avman did help out a whole lot, i cant well dont want to explain it but thats just an fear of things.

anyway ill get over that and thanks, your pretty kind to me, *wonders why* i reakon we have a similar wave length so thats pretty positive and i like that, and just as you say for me, dont stop questioning.

thanks for reading that post anyway.

anyway...moving on...

im going to ask a few questions because im in a curious mood:

1: what started you off on analysing things?

2: you say that bad or good things as long as they are true are positive, how so? (in your opinion)

3: what do you define love as? feelings? only i read this one post which someone directed me to, saying that love is god, ill ut a link in one time, but its really good actually, and like me i believe you will analyse it alot if you were to respond.

4: what makes you feel uncomfortable?

thanks.

kel aka Mrs. gollum

in a curioius mood..........( smiles)....your always in a curious mood!.

1.When did i start analysing things......hmm let me see ...good question.When i was probally about sixteen upwards a teenager..i found been a teenager really hard.I had a brilliant time though and i got up to all sorts!!.But when i left school i didnt know what i was going to do next...and i started questioning myself for some reason.Oh yeah i started reading a hell of a lot of books about spirituality and really deep things to do with life.This was all new to me this reading malarky as i was a complete rebel at school...and i think i realised when i left school what a twat i had been especially to my parents...so i probally set about changing myself.This probally continued for about another 5 to 6 years ...i think i was trying to find myself ( and be at peace with myself) and i never stopped questioning...to this day .Hey im even at uni now at the grand old age of 26 still questioning and trying to get a bit more educated!

2.i like this question........i dunno i think each individual ( most individuals) knows what right and wrong is and whats good and bad .I just think people... including myself at times do the wrong thing not on purpose and sometimes its good to be told that maybe you need to see situations another way and change accordingly.Obviously it depends on who its coming from..and how they put it .Then its up to you wether to take that info on board...but its i think its good to know there is always situations that can be seen from a diffrent point of view.

3.Defining love... i dont know.. im skeptical about the god issue( i know i need to read the post first).To me its about been a peace with yourself and the world.and everyone in it ( almost everyone)..and just been happy and letting go.As said above i think most individuals know right from wrong..and to gain happiness ( true happiness) you have to chose the good above evil or wrong. How about you?

4.What make me feels uncomfortable.........the doubt in my head while im typing this ...that what i have written is complete****.Im my own worst enemy and as i have said in past posts turning that bad voice in my mind off.How about you?.And one more thing ...other people cheating on people and screwing people over just for their own purposes..When half the time there is no need to ...make that all of the time!!!!

By the way how old are you?...sorry to be direct its just that i would like to know...doesnt seem right to me not knowing a bit more about you..just so i can get a general idea of who im conversing with.

an age does not define a person nor does another person you need to be able to understand someone for both their negatives and positive and indivual as i would say, in my belief age is nothing but the mind, a questions answered easily by those who wish to, but by a person like me wonders what you would gain from the informaton i gave, a personal hold over who i am? the reson to my posts arent written in age nor is this conversation but still, to get a person ask me questions, not from the outside as books looks and responces are decieving!

both you and i have the art of analysing so use it, use it against me if you wish but in it you will prove what you want and thereforeeee find reasons.

but if i was to be simple, im younger than you not that that is bad nor good only age doesnt define maturity maturity defines inner age. so maybe you should think.

im assuming you were waiting for a responce like this to your question, i mean could you honestly expect less?

if i was to answer my own questions:

1: i started to analyse things when being naive and seeing the world as such a rosey place with nothing negative turned around and slapped me in the face, i started when i was naive when i was one to sit in a crowd and not voice my opinion, i got fed up of sitting there knowing the answers to others questions and fearing to say them yet another responding with the same thoughts and gaining praise, i forgot the beauty of questions and the beauty of learning.

2: i can not answer because ive yet to decide, maybe then we can question each other

3: i define love as just a deffinition, its something that comes under many degrees, used with honesty and purity within words and then decieved, used for passion, pre judgement or hate, several more emotions than that but i talk too long.

so in itself i believe its a persons deffinition at that time, for example a child would say i love you with little meaning when saying it yet the highest emotion they could express, adolescents sometimes use it four there five boyfriend all at different times, players use it, lover use it, but i dont think we ever know when its true.

i think its used for gain or sometimes even loss for pressure or for lodance, i cant or wont define it at the moment because all this is a matter or observance mine will change also!

4: opening up. letting others know those personal details and feeling that others could analyse me more than i could analyse anything, a lot of things actually. but answering is something i hold back on also.

and yeah i am curious pretty much all the time but thats me, lets think.

1: what makes you respond to these posts, well mine i guess?

2: what do you see negative in my posts?

3: forget about age who do you think i am?

take your time, and dont respond in rebelliance to the first question but ive given you your time to use the art of analysing. so maybe you should prove also.

ill go find that url now.

kel

link removed

i believe you now have yourself an important topic!

*smiles* well done gollum!

kel

(chuckles)....(smiles).....lots of emotion in that response i like it.

First question

1.What was you thinking ( positive or negative) when you read my reply?

Second Question

2.Are you afraid that i am going to judge you negatively by knowing your age?

Third question

3.Whos loss would that be?

What makes me repond to your posts?..........well first and fourmost its out of respect.I normally treat people how they treat me...isnt that only fair in most cases.And also i find you very intresting...as a person .I carnt quite put my finger on it.You make me think...and that is a good thing.Also ( in a selfish way)..you make me question myself which isnt a bad thing....and that benifits me.

What do i see negative in your posts?....Well i dont see anything negative in your posts to be honest.One thing that concerns me though is how much you analyse things... .For example when i asked you about your age i think that you may of seen it for not what it was... a question.I gave my reasons for asking the question in the last post ... i think you may have seen that negatively.You was very defensive in your answer ( i carnt blame you though)

Who do i think you are?...intresting question.I carnt really tell who you are mrs gollum. All i know about you is that you are a unique individual ( my own personal view) who never stops questioning , whos looking to learn and gain insight from others.......and who seems like a sensitive individual....who may be a bit scared deep down for what ever reason.But then again i only have made that opinion from your posts ( mainly the ones you have sent me).One other thing..this may scare you... but you remind me of a girl i once new.

Fourth question

4.Do you hold back when you answer my posts in the way of telling me honestly how you feel or do you hesitate?

I hope you havent been put off by the questions i have asked........im an open book and sometimes i expect others to be open as i am.I know its nieve to think like that ( one of my many weaknesses, and you could say wrong) but without open communication relationships carnt grow to their full potential.( hey... and dont over analyse that to much please).

night night.

First question

****1.What was you thinking (positive or negative) when you read my reply?

if your regarding the one you have just sent that I don't feel too bad by what you have put and the things that you wished to be taken as a joke or something not to be analysed were taken that way, I just as you said, dislike direct questions they give me no where to hide I guess, no where to give options or routes away from the question and instead analyse the background behind in means of avoiding.

I wouldn't say there was anything negative to your post and I didn't become scared, more of curious as always, I will remain to ask questions and thereforeeee should be able to answer yours but I just find it difficult at the moment. I cant really explain it, but I need to know someone first to be able to actually comment but then again I need to comment on what they ask just to know you. That's probably a little contradictive with me saying I don't like small talk before. But I can talk I limit or at least know what I want to answer.

Remember when you said you'd read my post well its like that, I'm so used to saying yes, and then I have to answer questions or go ahead with things that I'm not willing to now that's my down fall, I can get my defences up but by the end of it I just answer. So on here I try not to give in and that kind of gives me more security.

I think I'm babbling but I just wanted you to understand.

Second Question

****2.Are you afraid that I am going to judge you negatively by knowing your age?

I m not afraid of what you may say or judge as this is done out of your own nature you don't have to like a person nor do you have to appreciate what they say, it would annoy me more if you lied about the way you felt, more than what it would for you to dislike what I say. Everything in life is optional and so is obtaining evidence as I may call it, mainly because that's what I sometimes see it as, a way in which someone could analyse me, when its not required.

My age is something that I have argued, its something that I never had hold over, I didn't ask to be born on this date and thereforeeee others should not judge, this is how I see it.

All I will say is, there is nothing wrong with my age and knowing it probably wouldn't faze you and that's why it doesn't have to be said. In life I argue many things, of age, gender, or sexuality. I have points that are important and (well I cant explain)

Maybe I need you to voice your opinions on the same questions so I can understand. But its not that I'm holding back on you, my opinion is stated all over, I don't have an age in my box either so nobody knows, bar the moderators when they needed to know a while back.

Third question

****3.Whos loss would that be?

What to know my age? Or to open up?

I would feel exposed.

Fourth question

****4.Do you hold back when you answer my posts in the way of telling me honestly how you feel or do you hesitate?

I hold back on everyone, you analysed me well from posts and I think you know enough, I don't hold back in most senses I just respond in metaphors and riddles to tell you the way I feel, if the person can be bothered to solve that riddle or metaphor then they must be bothered about me, or at least that's how I feel.

I hesitate with a lot of people but I'm not reluctant in answering a long as there is good reasoning. I'm not usually as defensive I'm just not too good at the minute.

My questions to you:

(Thanks for answering the previous questions, and I understand what you mean with respect I answer a lot of pm and posts because of respect for others.)

1: what would you gain from knowing everything about me?

2: if I was to give you the chance for me to be an open book one time only in my next post what are the questions you require or would like to ask?

3: age sexuality what's your brief opinion on them?

4: how do you stop analysing as much as what I do? Because you've seen how I can analyse the smallest of things?

thanks though.

kel

Sorry kel im in a rush so i have to be quick(out tonight salsa dancing )

1.. what would i gain from knowing everything about you ?..hmmm .I would gain knowledge i suppose and a friendship ( am i being nieve in thinking that)...and an insight into how an individuals really think and what really goes on in their heads ........positive and negative.As i think this is when individuals are at their most beautiful.As you would say exsposed...but i wouldnt see it like that.Through the day you meet many individuals who you can interact with .....but sometimes what they say is kind of phoney.( alot of it down to do with ego).The best relationships are the ones were people can accept and and be themselves and respect each others views ...even if you may not agree with whats been said entirely.

And i know that takes time and i have to keep reminding myself not everybody sees things like i do.

2. If you were to be an open book.....now thats intresting.What questions would i ask...i carnt honestly say...but im a little put off at the moment about asking questions to you...last thing i want to do is to upset you.Probally questions that are preety deep...so i can get to know the real you.

But i hope you will be prepared to open up when your ready as i am always open to you .(sounds so cheezzy!!)

3.Age, sexuality.Well ive given you a brief insight on this already.....i mainly get on better with women because i normally find them more fascinating and in my view are more emotionally intelligent to men.They are more willing to be open and to discuss their feelings then men.I dont think i would be able to have this discussion with a man somehow!!!..do you?.As far as age goes well i dont really mind ...its thoughts words and actions that count ...not numbers.But then again i would be surprised and shocked to find out i would be conversing with a five year old ...at this point!!.

4.How do i stop analysing well i practise meditation every night and i find that helps( clears the mind)and helps you see things diffrently.I also practise yoga which is benificial as well.And most of all i try and shut my mind off to a certain extent ......see the very beginning of this subject.

Now then.how do you see me?.be honest i expect nothing less as always...and what makes you keep on coming back ?

i dont think you personally could make me feel too negatively by asking my deep questions it depends how deep i read inton myself and then answer for you, and it would probably help in me coming to terms with a few things and actually finding the problem or seeing things i might have missed.

so you may ask questions if you wish, and no your not talking to a five year old, even i would be amazed by myself if i was to be five and i dont boast nor take compliments easily. so thats saying something!

i like your responces though and i hope you have a good time with your salsa dancing, im out tmrw to go and buy a gown for a dance now that will be fun!

but your not being nieve, i have a lot of friends on here and i have to say your being one of the top and most interesting yet!

as for the answers to your questions:

1 then.how do you see me?.

i see you as a person who opens a lot of doors, your someone who enlightens me in the way they speak, view, and respect others, im amazed by the way you respond to what i write and the manner in which you do it, because i know i respond with a lot of deffences but you seem to take that in your stride.

you seem to be the answer to alot of my questions and your as curious as me, i think you with your responces adn ways of writing is what makes me come back. mr.gollum!

oh and respect

2 what makes you keep on coming back ?

i think i answered that already. maybe i did the first question wrong? let me look back.

oh yeah i have, i see you with someonen of high intelligence i believe that the reason you thnk the way you do now is because past changed the ways you first viewed things and you needed a kick up the ass, i think something major changed you and im guessing your someojne who people want to be around, you seem to listen to alot of things people say and you take it into consideration.

i think your a great person.

my questions:

1: go for your deep questions...what are they?

2; when a persons at there lowest and everything seems dim, how do you help them out of it when your being selfish enough to be too bothered about yourself?

3: when do you take the mask of off your face?

kel

Hi there yeah the dancing went ok..it went brilliant in fact.Such a fine art in the way in that two people can respond to each others movements.......kind of like making love but on a less intense scale.Sorry if i sound sleazy saying that i hope you understand what im trying to say.!

(god what do i sound like!)

1.Deep questions....well first of all why do you analyse so much?.Hey i dont want to sound like a hypocrite ...but im just curious.Isnt the case when we analyse we dont see the exact thing we should be seeing?....we kind of look deeper...and not take things for what they are?

take for example what i said about the dancing.........i went off on one a bit ....and if i said that just in mid conversation..people viewing the same thing as me would think woooa....whats that all about?

2.How do i help other people who are down...just by listening...i can tend to pick up on peoples moods.....and sometimes i ask them... hey whats wrong etc...and usually they talk and sometimes they dont.But i think talking a great deal has many benifits.....and i try to help them by just listening and being there for them.Just letting them know that someone cares and someone does give a ****.Dont get me wrong im no agony aunt and im not perfect myself .

3.When do i take the mask off my face ..hmm i try not to wear a mask.I try just to be myself.and have my own view on things.For example when i converse with people i try and be honest and let them know how i feel about things ..and i do tend to go off on one at times.I kind of speak my mind at times which gets me into trouble.For example today when i presented a piece of paper i did for homework for uni.My exact words were........ here you go......i think its better than what i have done previously but its probally rubbish anyway(jokingly ,but i kind of ment it).That was it and the response i got was a laugth and a... what are you like liam!!!( by the way my names liam)

so thats one example.

Now can i ask you one more question...waht do you think of yourself as a person overall?..general traits.

Remember now be honest!!

By the way..thanks for the compliment(s).great ego boost..but im questioning them.Why i do not know.

Ok then ill be honest with you, and I'm glad that you enjoyed your dance lesson I understood what you meant so its ok.

Ok, questions 1:

Why do I analyse so much?

I analyse so much because when I was little I was deceived by people who I thought I could trust, I used to believe that life was all roses and that I would just get on great, I naturally got on well with men and found that the way they treated me was just normal but it wasn't, I used to get touched up by what I used to see as mates just when they thought I had gained my trust, I kind of stepped back to have a luck at the real world and realised that half of it was nothing but destruction hidden under several lies and a mere illusion what we all wanted to believe.

So I guess that was the beginning turning point as I was taken advantage of several times and ever learnt how to say no never learn how to scream and just couldn't cry (fitting in with my last post yet)?

From then on my life went pretty bad I watched both my grandparents deteriorate and then my family laugh of the death, my sister got the phone call when they died and basically started laughing about it just not telling me to wake up my twin. I analysed too much and saw it as if she didn't feel loss.

So basically my past never leaves me and everything is brought up from adolescence or child hood.

I over analyse and see others views because I have to, without it I think too negatively, I do it because without I wouldn't want to live (does this make sense) I mean I now know that my sister could have only dealt with it that way, I now know that despite being told I was lucky for being abused that I wasn't.

So I guess I analyse because I was fed up of making things seem rosey I was fed up of watching people sugar coat answers to questions they needed the truth, and I was fed up of not being prepared for reel raw emotions.

I don't believe I've explained myself to well but remember this isn't easy for me so its much easier to briefly out line why instead of extend into the entire meaning of it.

Question 2:

How do I see myself?

I think physically I am comfortable with my looks I know that I'm not unattractive (not being big headed I just know from others views and what I've made of myself) but I'm never comfortable like at the minute I'm seen to be on the verge of having an eating disorder (I'm under 9stone at 5'8 and yet I want to be larger, I don't think that makes sense but my life is an argument against me). Basically I see what others see and want to change the way they want me to change yet they don't see tha and analyse me to have a problem with myself. Which I guess I do have a low self esteem but I can understand why for the things happening in my life. But what the hell we all get over it right?

I think in fact I know I analyse to much, I push away the things that are good for me just because I'm waiting for the hurt, I set up relationships and friendships as tasks just so that if I move away or I'm betrayed I will have succeeded in the task first and not feel pain. I set myself up for a fall, but recently I avoided that and let raw emotions in and well this is I now, confused!

I don't think your going to be able to understand much of that so I best stop there but I wouldn't say I have a positive view, I have the largest amount of friends, the best lover I have ever had (not just sexually) and everything I could wish for, but because of that I'm waiting for the bad, and as predicted its coming through!

People see me as this perfect girl, I'm the loudest in the bunch, I'm attractive I have traits that people want and I get on well with people but its hidden, I probably as insecure as it gets, likely because I don't open up but maybe just because I am.

I'm getting a little stressed so I'm going to stop there.

Questions for you:

How do you feel about yourself?

Does your past affect you?

Do you become scared by how much you learn about others?

Thanks.

Kel

hi thanks for your message im sorry what happened in your past and no i cannot understand, and i would lie if i were to say i could, because something like that has never happened to me.And i dont want to comment on it because if i did i feel it would be wrong at this moment in time.

I feel a little uncomfortable that you wrote it in a post..i dunno it doesnt feel right.If i were to say things about my past which were very very revealing i would probally pm you.I know i sound like a hypocrite..with me talking about honesty and what not ... but i feel the conversation has kind of been turned up a notch ...and sometimes i feel when you converse with someone some things should be said privately without other people knowing.But obviously you dont mind this and i asked for honesty and i got it...thankyou for this...but dont hesitate pm ing me when the time is right or whatever...whatever you feel comfortable with.Ok.

I can assosiate with what you said especially in question 3.Anyway im going to try to exsplain that with answering your questions.

1..How do i feel about myself....oh geezzz its all coming back to me now! ....karma karma karma!!

I feel ok at this minute about myself..but it can change from one day to the next you know?.Somedays ( most days actually i feel preety good about myself).but i have to work at it and it doesent come naturally.........im always very mindfull of my state of mind...and whenever i feel a low point coming on i try to put up a resistance and i have to be very conscious with myself.I use affermations most of the time ....and this helps me see myself in a positive light.But again i can have days when im all happy and can be the life and soul of the party and the next moment i can be very self conscious.

For example last night i was chatting to this girl i went salsa dancing with and we were chatting away blah blah blah...and then i just turned to her and said " do you think im to friendly"...and she just looked at me and said "no" and laughed.And i carnt honestly say were that thought came from?...but them thoughts are at the back of my mind all the time.Does that make any sense?

2.Does my past effect me...no i dont think so.I try to live one day at a time if not i worry about the future to much.But hang on saying that........i have just come out of a preety heavy relationship at christmas 2 year one...and im only coming to terms with it now.But there is always a part of me that will be kind of stuck in the past.its like i left a part of me behind when i finished with her..and i carnt get it back.I find it hard coming to terms with failed relationships.I want to move on and have a good time and yeah there has been chances.But im just starting to let go from not being emotionally still attached to my ex.

But yeah getting back to the question.i try and consciously try and suppress thoughts about my past if they are negative.And god knows were them thoughts are going to.

3.Do i become scared by how much i learn about others...yeah..alot of people just put sugar coating on answers and put on thease masks when with other people.And i can relate what you said about the sugar coating bit in the above post.But then again i try not to worry about other people because i carnt change them and if they want to **** me over they will.

Ok can i ask you a question(s) now please???!!

1.Do you find in general the more attractive a person is the more chance of them being insecure?

2.How is ....what you say when the bad things coming what you exspected.. are coming true?.

p.s At anytime kel if your not feeling comfortable with this at all just cut off ..i will understand.

i only read half of your post because unfortunatley youve made me feel uncomfortable, your right, you were hypocritical and never ask when you dont want to hear, i told you i didnt want to open up, and with others understanding i thought it would be simpler, obviously i should have stook with the method of metaphors at least then i would have known you didnt want to listen.

kel

Hey...i think are wires have got crossed a bit.I didnt mean i dont want to listen....i just said that some things should be kept private as in a (pm).iI was only trying to protect you believe it or not.Anyone can read thease posts and as i said i just think some things should be a little less open to others.And yes i carnrnt really comment because i have never been through that before...wouldnt it be wrong to try and answer things that i dont understand myself?.Anyway its up to you...but i can only listen to you in some situations and try and understand..not give answers.