BREAKING ALL THE RULES

Majord

Of course it is your place to give advice, one day I might actually listen to it!!! My plans for Thursday were always to have a no sex date. Things did not go to plan, because of a series of events, mainly my shock at seeing him so down. And yes, I decided to give him something that he needed - physical fulfillment.

Now Beec, Sincerelyhurt and Out to Sea are all confusing the equation. I thought you would all stand to attention and tell me that under no circumstances should I make any contact. No circumstances whatsoever.

My gut feel - and I usually go with that - is that I should now break contact, go back into the dreaded NC arena. And to be honest, right now I could not face the idea of him rejecting. Whatever he has - he has passed it on to me - feel like a *&^%ing flake. Really really down. The emotional highs and lows are far too draining on a person - feeling bad today.

You raise a good point Majord - is anything different from when I first posted my thread? Obviously things are not as 'different' as i would like them to be. Clearly they are not. But I do know my ex and usually he is quite steely and determined and he does not usually go back to exes - this is a lovely little rule of his. Feels that they are exes for a reason and so he tends to move on. Now, in my situation, he has not moved on for whatever reason (I do not know). I know that he is not dating or physical with anyone else. This would not be his normal pattern. Of course, had I played things differently, I might have been further along in the game - very much further.

Am I deluding myself when I say that this could still be worked to my advantage? We had a very passionate relationship. He knows that I am very passionate. He clearly has less of a need to see me than I have to see him. He thinks that I want to have a lasting relationship with him (which I do), but what I need to convince him of now, is that very very friendly friends would be just as good (if you know what I mean). When he is comfortable with the very friendly friends status), when he initiates contact willingly and initiates dates, in short when he is feeling comfortable, I think that this is where I withdraw all sexual favours (oooooh, I sound like a wife!!!!).

Let me know your thoughts, please.

G xx

P.S. Majord, please don't tell me that it is not your place to advise, I find your advise very useful, just don't be angry if I don't always take it. I mean well, but we all have to make our own decisions.

And one other thing ... where is Clevertrevor.

I hope that his has ridden off into the sunset with his beloved, so that we can all live vicariously through him!!

G xx

 

P.S. Majord, please don't tell me that it is not your place to advise, I find your advise very useful, just don't be angry if I don't always take it. I mean well, but we all have to make our own decisions.

 

I'm never angry babes

 

I guess it's got to a point where I feel very close to people that I've never met....in particular determined, spatz and yourself.

 

There is a tendency on this board to try and sugar-coat advice I guess, and I'm going to try and stop myself from doing that and call it as I see it....not to offend, but to get my point accross.

 

Never mistake it for anger though.....it's more than likely inspired by something quite the opposite.

 

ps Were you aware that they show "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" on ITV2 at 2am?.....me neither until tonight!

Geecee,

you know my feelings on this one - so you slept with him...so what...its done, you enjoyed it, NOW again you must look at what you want to do in the FUTURE. I like what Majord says when he asks what has actually changed since you first posted here. HE makes a very good point.

But as for what you should do now, i'm not sure. I like the idea of giving him a little support, but not too much. If he IS having a hard time at the moment, then maybe he will appreciate it.

So here it is ... at 2.00 this morning, Majord's post gave me a lot to think about ... NOTHING MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS.

Occasionally the ex makes contact, but it is fairly apathetic contact. And occasionaly the ex has made contact and he is kind of unsure, and he is missing me, and I seize it and run with it and then initiate too much contact. And then he hides.

So ... Spatz, Beec Majord, February, Dikaia, Clevertrevor, Rich, Hopeful1, Sincerelyhurt and Lostinvan thanks so much for following my thread. Thanks for giving advice, thanks for not shouting when I have not followed. Thanks.

However, like all good rebels, there has to be a time to STOP breaking all the rules, well at least some of them!

And so ... I shall put this thread to bed.

Remind myself of something I wrote about six weeks ago (but seem to have forgotton along the way):

If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.

TIME FOR CHANGE!! THERE'S A NEW GAL IN TOWN!!!!

G xx

Hello G,

This postings have been very instructional.

After a year and sixs months being a strict participant of the program "destructive- reationships addicts" I finally became a dignified person. I put out those strange brain connections that are created when we are in a relationship. Yes its like being and addict to that cocktail of emotions and then suddenly our love one takes away our source of life. The withdrawal beggins. Its sooooo damn painful. I think its true that we look for the sick partner that complements our sicknesses.

I got into this page and geez!!!,

I can believe why you Gee are becoming a pirasite of your own emotions. Dont women want self-confident men not weak-spirited wimps?.

Your case sounds like the typical low self-steem woman looking for "sensitive guys" and willing to accept whatever it takes to get that fixer roller-coaster of emotions that only an insecure and manipulative but good with words man can produce. If my mother (75) listend to this, she probably would say: This woman is walking on jelly and is trying to hit the moon with a stone.

Where did you learn that is ok to live on promises and refuse to be a healthy human being?.

Yes i know its sounds rude but only when i was spoken like this i started to realized I needed a real change.

I wish God looks upon your jouney and delivers you safe back.

Wow, Juno, how nice of you to comment on our little thread.

I am glad that you have found the post instructional. I did too.

I am delighted that you have found your destructive relationships addicts program so productive and wish you more success on your next program - may I suggest Empathy with Others 101?

Whilst I know that it is a particularly long thread and, thereforeeee, somewhat tedious, I think your points would have had more validity had you read the WHOLE thread - no matter.

I can believe why you Gee are becoming a pirasite of your own emotions. Dont women want self-confident men not weak-spirited wimps?.

 

Your case sounds like the typical low self-steem woman looking for "sensitive guys" and willing to accept whatever it takes to get that fixer roller-coaster of emotions that only an insecure and manipulative but good with words man can produce. If my mother (75) listend to this, she probably would say: This woman is walking on jelly and is trying to hit the moon with a stone.

 

Where did you learn that is ok to live on promises and refuse to be a healthy human being?.

 

Yes i know its sounds rude but only when i was spoken like this i started to realized I needed a real change.

 

I wish God looks upon your jouney and delivers you safe back.

I most certainly do not have any parasitical tendencies, and I am more tham happy with the level of my self-esteem. I don't think that I have ever pretended that my ex made any promises that he did not keep, in fact throughout the thread I commended him on his honesty. I am quite happy with my level of health, but thank you for your concern.

Being British (I suspect that you are an American), we tend to rely on wit and sarcasm to get us through the difficult times in life; sometimes this washes over some people.

I wish you ALL the luck in the world, and continued success on all the programs you enroll on in the future.

G xx

P.S. Now where the hell is that jelly?!?!?!

Just to say publicly, thanks Spatz, for your reply to Juno. However, our censor has, for some reason, decided that it should be removed!!!

G xx

Thanks Gee,

It was meant to be an attack on Juno - just pointing out that i thought the post was out of line a bit.

It has been removed because it caused issues with the mods, so i think i'd better not talk any more about it - i've made my point of view known in PMs.

Cheers

Spatz

Spatz

Not too sure where you are hanging out today. Good luck tonight. Keep it tight and light.

And give us all the details later.

G xx

Thanks Gee,

Will try my best to let you know - hopefully i will be happy not sad, but don't count on it. No, what am i saying, POSITIVE...BE POSITIVE.

Damnit why has she suggested she come round in time to watch a bloody dating show that is on!!! Called "Three's a crowd". How much more ironic does she wanna get???

Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh

Spatz

Stop panicking!!! You will be fine. You have prepared for this. Be natural, and remember why you are both there! Because you enjoy each others company and you are going to have some fun together.

Everything will be just fine - remember you had a date last week and it was all good.

Enjoy.

G xx

Case in point - my ex. I responded to EVERY bit of contact she initiated for 10 months, and I initiated my fair share of it as well. Eventually I got sick of making the effort and getting very little back in return....so I ignored one of her emails. After not hearing from her through any other medium other than emails for those 10 months.....she called me.

I can back that up. When I ignored her text messages, she would send another like "where are you?", which I would also ignore for a while, then she would call because she couldn't stand the loss of control (I now realise this greater truth about control a little too late).