Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 46

Thread: This whole nonsense No-Contact rule

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Age
    48
    Posts
    47

    This whole nonsense No-Contact rule

    OK chaps, here's the deal. Ex's who you want to stay friends with (ignore this if you really don't care whether you see them again).

    Basically, I agree that no-contact is a good idea for finding your own sense of self again while you heal.

    HOWEVER, I would advise you NOT to go pyscho and start "blocking sender" on your email etc, because shutting someone out of our life completely poses the risk of going the other way - i.e. building up images in your own head that are probably more destructive.

    Stay in touch with reality through the break up process. Don't call, don't email - but don't shut any opportunity of your ex to contact you if its just going to make you more confused and messed up (e.g. "I wonder if she'd emailed me - oh no, I blocked sender, so now I won't even know. Aagh. Aagh. Aagh").

    Just relax. Concentrate on yourself and let life take its course in the meantime. Yes the occasional contact from him/her might hurt for a bit. But gradually it eases.

    That's what I think anyway.

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    USA
    Age
    44
    Posts
    213
    i agree. when my ex and i officially broke up, i was thinking of getting a new phone/cell number and email address...then i thought why bother? my exbf and i didn't have contact for six weeks when all of the sudden i get a call from him when i least expected.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Michael2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    529
    I disagree . No CONTACT means no contact.

    Everytime they call, which they will, you will be right back to square one.

    Is that the way to heal a heart. Nope. If you can deal with being friends with someone who broke up with you, then congrats. Then what is the point of no contact then if you still wants to be friends after a braekup. You are correct in regards to letting your heart heal, but you wont heal while you are still in contact with your ex. Being friends with an ex right after a breakup is very rare , and if you can be friends right after a breakup, did you really love that person as much as you once thought.

    So for those who thinks its okay to speak with their ex when they call, you might want to think again.

  4. #4
    Member luxe_13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    37
    Posts
    280
    I disagree Michael2. If you want your ex back, then why play games. You don't want the relationship to be based on game playing,
    If you feel like talking to them - then talk to them (though i do agree that you shouldn't call them...atleast not straight way)
    On saying this I do think that you should let yourself believe that thay are necessarily calling you to get back together.

    So basically what i am saying is, if they call and you want to talk ..then talk...but don't lay any hopes on the conversation and don't start gushing or begging...keepthe convo light and simple..
    Sure if they want to talk about what happened then by all means talk.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    18
    I agree with space and the others.
    I won't be contacting my ex anytime soon for my motives wouldn't be in the right place right now but if he contacts me it won't be totally out of the question to answer it.
    You have to know how to be strong within yourself.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    73
    I also agree with the rest to some degree, no contact has always been impossible with my ex and myself. I never actually contact her myself, but shes been contacting me on and off for the past 4 months. Yes at first it hurt, but as time goes by and my hopes that shed suddenly woken up to reality and want me back are fading, it gets easyier. I know i can't talk to my ex right now as if nothing happened, but i also dont want to shut her out for good.

    We believe that if we were to do the on contact thing for real, it would mean we'd have to ignore each other at social occasions, and you just can't come back from that i guess. I think it just depends on your situation, i actually have my ex blocked from msn because i know she will message me alot if i didn't but i dont believe in cutting her off totally as even if there was a possiblilty of us becoming friends again or even getting back together there would be no way for her to get in contact with me. If you did that your ex may even take it the wrong way and just give up trying to ever reconcile in the future, you force them to move on.

    Thats my opinons anyways.

    Good luck everyone i know i get stronger as each day passes.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member EmptySoul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Hannibal, Missouri.
    Age
    29
    Posts
    804
    Gender
    Female
    hello everyone. when me and my boyfriend of 2 years, off and on had been broken up and i got a new boyfriend, i had to be careful i didn't end up liking him again. we don't talk on the phone, but we'll say hi to each other every once in a while. i am careful not to talk to him very often though, and i refuse to flirt with him or say anything that implies that i care about him as more than a friend.
    EmptySoul

  9. 02-13-2004, 09:19 AM


  10. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Kanadai
    Age
    44
    Posts
    544
    Hey heavnwild - quoting you:

    "But you definitely shouldnt cut them out completely by changing your contacts. I mean how else will you laugh at them when they come crawling back, begging?"

    I like your sense of humor. It is feels good to laugh at our own situations - it relieves alot of pain. I want to laugh more these days - maybe I'll rent a funny movie tonight.

    But, seriously, for me, no contact definitely is a good thing - its been 1 month since I've last spoken to her online. I have blocked her out of my msn messenger, but that's about it - I just don't want her to catch me online anymore like she did our last contact - and long story short - the conversation put me back to square one. And I can't change any of my emails or phone numbers because I have a public job - and I'm not going to change my email and phone just because of her, and then tell a hundred people who rely on me that I've changed my email and phone- what for? If she calls me or emails me (which I hope she doesn't, and I suspect that she won't), I hope I will have the strength and courage to say no - because I've been down that road, and I know it really hurts if they reject you again.

    So -kudos to you people who can do the contact thing. I myself do not want to talk to her because I haven't fully healed and let go - I still have strong feelings for her, and I would just melt and succumb to her every wishes if she called me or emailed me. But I wish her all the best right now, and I don't think I'm being cruel or she is either for not contacting each other - like Luv_Sucks says, we're both looking out for #1 now, and that's how it should be - so that means (at least for me) - no contact.

    In the future (I don't know when), I hope I can break the no contact rule and maybe even become friends with her - but only after I've healed. I'm not so sure for those of you who are still in contact whether you've actually fully healed or not? Maybe you have, and I am so jelous of you people who can be strong and heal very quickly - for me though, I am like a turtle - I need my time to heal. It was a 2 year and 3 month relationship - and its only been 2 months since we've broken up - so I am still in the recovery room, lying on the bed, but at least I can sit up now and watch tv.

    Good luck to you all - maybe (for those who are living in east canada/north eastern usa) we'll have a really good valentines weekend and have another blackout.

  11. #9
    Member vfunkera's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    On my laptop
    Age
    33
    Posts
    354
    Gender
    Male
    woah guys, hold up!

    The original post was almost spot on , and it got twisted from there on.

    Who said you need to cut them off and and block them out of your life? Yes it makes life easier, but you don't have to change your address or block their number. You simply don't use it, and look after yourself until you feel prepared to talk to them again without feeling any unbearable pain. The only time when it may be necessary is if they persist in contacting you and you don't want them back, like in Micheal2's case.

    If you can still talk to your ex without remembering all those memories and somehow getting hurt by it then your a lucky star 8) , and there is no point in reading on.

    But for the majority that just isn't possible, which is why you simply take them out of the picture so you can heal and become a better person! Everytime you contact them you are simply preventing yourself from moving on while at the same time making it longer to get the response out of that person if you want them back. You won't be able to move on if YOU keep in contact every now and then because you are still hanging on to the past. Yea you might get use to it, but your not moving on.

    No contact is simply a time to focus all your energies on YOURSELF. This does not imply that you are not worthy of a relationship, simply that you need to avoid unessessary pain, and frustration and all road blocks to happiness and success. To do this you need to divert your attention from your ex, to yourself and start internal work for true happiness to become accessible to you.

    In the process you will also raise your chances to win them back. Giving the impression that you are moving on not only makes you desirable, but it will also make them miss you. If you are suffering right now, its because you can see your ex moving on with their life and making no attempt to contact you while you are still sobbing on what you had. By playing it their way, it will only have the same effect, and it doesn't mean you have to block any channel of contact does it? Look at the way they are playing- they haven't deleted their number or changed their address have they?

    Good luck No contact is god-sent, save some pride and move on.

  12. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    yorkshire
    Age
    31
    Posts
    1,933
    Gender
    Female
    to be honest, i dont like the no contact rule. i think that communication is required just on a limited basis. before i came to this site, i didnt know about it, and i got on fine.

    but thats just me.

    (just wanted to state my view) kel

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •