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Thread: This whole nonsense No-Contact rule

  1. #41
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    Well, basically, it's how much you get for how much you give. With NC, you give nothing at all, because the amount of time it takes to not respond is zero minutes, and in return, you get everything you need - time to restore your balance. Perhaps it's not everything you want, but it's everything you need to move forward. That's a pretty good energy return ratio if you ask me.

  2. #42

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    i was asking for numbers,but it's ok

    lets go NCL

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by Lonewing
    NC is a very effective way to get back your life. Dumpers don't need it, though - it's really more for the dumpee.
    Highly dependent on the situation.

  4. #44

    No Contact is the only option

    I have a 'doozy' for you all. I'm an American who has been living in Paris for about two years and met my now ex-bf 9 months ago. We fell in love immediately and were together until about 3 weeks ago. I became a part of his family life and he was received warmly by my family in The States. Over the last 4 months we were together he was insisting that I move into his apartment since I was staying there all of the time anyway. I refused for a while as I thought some independence would be best even though our relationship was stong. I decided after the New Year would be an ok time to 'test' it out with a disclaimer that if there was any tension that we would need to talk it out and re-evaluate. He agreed. So I moved in January.

    Everything changed after I moved in. He was going out all night and not calling me to let me know where he was, telling me that I kept the apartment dirty and I cleaned poorly, I don't emotionally support him and that I'm not independent and doing nothing with my life. (For the record, I moved to Paris ALONE and have supported myself in Seattle, LA and NY and paying my own rent and feeding myself since I was 18 years old...just saying..). So he broke up with me and I said ok. No tears, fireworks, crazy reactions..(this isn't my first rodeo) I said that I didn't agree and that I loved him but repsected his choice and proceeded with the motions of moving out. Naturally, this irritated him and he has initiated several times to get a drink and 'talk'. Basically to convince himself that this is the right thing to do but unfortunately for him, I won't do it. I don't need to hear over and over how great you think I am..so great that you don't want to be with me. No thanks. And I'm not going to tell you that what you're doing is the right thing..bore your friends with that.

    On top of this..I have been staying on the couch of some friends for three weeks while I look for a new place to live (which I did find and can move in 4 days!) Well..if it doesn't get any worse, the roomates of the flat won't give me those last 4 days to stay and told me last night that I must leave because they want their space back. So now I have to go pack up again and stay with another friend on the other side of town for three days. You must be thinking that I stayed in the flat all day long moping? Not at all! I wake up and do everyone's dishes, make coffee, go to the gym, go to work and go out with friends after, so my time at the flat is to sleep on the couch and hear the mice scattering beneath me.

    Today would be the official 2nd day of No Contact (unfortuantely, contact had to be made over the three weeks due to work schedules and moving out arrangements) and its the only way to live through this..is to focus on yourself. it's going to be tough, I want to call and scream at him for putting me in this awful situation where I have no where to go and he has the comfort and warmth of his family's house in the suburbs, eating homemade food and drinking wine. But I'm fighting it and dealing with my fate. Wish me luck all...I need it! Can't I just fast forward to day 60??

    Between the unfair break-up, homelessness, being told 'faux-nicely' to leave my 'friend's' flat, living out of suitcases and Franprix sacs and jumping over mice in the middle of the night, I'd say I'm handling this well. I mean, I cried for the first time today...

    :sad:

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  6. #45
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    You sound like a strong person in a (temporarily) tough situation. I'm impressed with your no-nonsense approach to the breakup, and to going no contact. You are sparing yourself a ton of drama and frustration and shame.

    It's gotta be rough couch-crashing, and being far away from family, but in a few days' time, you'll be in a better place (of your own), away from those damn mice! Well, maybe your new place will have mice too, but at least they'll be YOUR mice.

    Some people on these forums find it helpful to start a thread to chronicle their breakup/no-contact adventure. I know I get a lot out of reading those threads, and they seem to generate a nice level of personalized support. If you're up for it, give it a shot.

    Hang in there...it sucks, but it'll suck less over time.

  7. #46
    Member Mamasita's Avatar
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    Pefectly said Vfunkera... thanks for your post. I came on here for some NO CONTACT inspiration

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