"No contact" question

HI... I have initiated the "no contact" rule w/ my ex this day... i had contacted him since the breakup (which he initiated) for 2 weeks but decided I needed to do the "no contact"... But I have a question...he has been going to church w/ me ea. Sunday since we started dating. He still goes and has gone with me every Sun. since the breakup (2 Sundays now)... he has always initiated the coming to church and either IMed me and/or called me re: church. However, I was wondering, how do you do the "no contact" thing when the ex is still going to church with you? or works with you? Hmm... Any suggestions? Thanks... Any advice at all is much appreciated.

Few things first...

1. Who initiated the break up?

2. Do you still want him back?

3. Does he call you at all other than the IMing?

4. Do you sit near him?

Well those are needed first. But simply at church, just sit down and ignore him. Just think about something else. If he keeps IMing you and you still want him then continue doing it. Seems as tho he is still into you.

Need more info tho. Gotta understand your breakup.

For Another

To answer your questions...

1. he initiated the break up saying he needed time/space and wasn't as romantically interested as before and needs to figure out what he wants in a relationship.

2. i do want him back unfortunately

3. he calls occasionally

4. we do sit together. he actually usually comes to my house first and we drive separately but do end up sitting next to ea. other...

well just about 15 minutes ago my ex decided out of the clear blue to email me... Nothing personal or elaborate but kinda cool... I don't think he's initiated an email or call since the breakup but once at the beginning... But I'm curious... when doing this "no contact", does one reply or let it be? Any thoughts... Thanks...

(this is my first breakup that I ever wanted to communicate with the ex afterwards so I'm kinda new to this all)

There seems to be a misunderstanding on the behave of those who are not-being-contacted, that no contact means, "I no longer like/love you." which ironically is typically furthest from the truth.

The fact is that no contact is about getting yourself into a safe, comfortable, stable emotional state so that, if you choose to, you can continue on with a friendship. You are trying to step out of a romantic relationship and into a friendship - you will find that to be very difficult to do with contact. You need to redefine the boundaries of the relationship and reorder your emotions to accommodate a friendship. If your ex is as good a friend as they profess themselves to be, they will understand what you are trying to do if you take a moment to explain to them what you are doing.

I don't see any reason why, while you are in "no contact" mode, even in church, it cannot remains no contact. You can acknowledge them by sight, with a node, or a wave of the hand.

It's about being friendly to yourself, not about being unfriendly to them.

-A

Keep on doing the things that make you feel comfortable nothing more. If you feel comfortable going to church with him and still not be with him then do it. It is about what you feel comfortable. Keep things short and sweet. Answer the email with the shortest reply possible. The no contact is to keep us from begging, pleading, and etc. for the relationship back. Your case would not need a strict no contact, but a modified one. You being the breakupee must not contact him for no reason. He can, contact you for whatever reason. He enjoys going to church with you and should be allowed to continue as long as you feel comfortable with it. Let him call you and so on, but never bring up the relationship and your future together. Let him figure that out. Read the second stage of the post "so you want to get your ex back" by the Morrigan. It will give you some tips on how to handle his contacts. Remember be the first to have to end the contact and keep all contact under 8 minutes. Emails should be short and sweet.

hope this helped,

Neallo

PM me if you need more information.

Answer the email with the shortest reply possible.

Would it hurt my chances of getting back together with him or of him contacting me again if I didn't reply? Its not as if the email is begging for a response...

No it would not hurt your chances. Like I said, do the things that you feel comfortable doing nothing more. If you choose to ignore the email, then ignore it ( if that is what makes you feel comfortable.)

If you want him back what harm would "I got your email and Thank you" do?

Just my opinion. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

I personally believe that the chances of you getting back together with him have nothing to do with what you will do or not do over the next coming months. I read the results of a study that claims that only about 15% of relationships that break up with claims of needing space or a break, ever get back together.

I agree that you should do what you are comfortable doing.

I read the results of a study that claims that only about 15% of relationships that break up with claims of needing space or a break, ever get back together. I agree that you should do what you are comfortable doing.

that doesn't mean its a moot point or 100% pointless. Sure i'm not going to go pining around waiting for him or think we have a good chance of getting back together but I do not think its moot. Even your survey/study says there is a 15% chance of reconciliation in those kind of break ups...

has anyone gotten back together w/ an ex who gave "i need space" as an excuse?