what's the point of going on??

*sigh*

don't really know why i'm getting all depressed now. Nothing has changed, nothing ever changes. I try, I try so hard to make a difference to be the best that I can, but it never gets me what I want, no matter how hard I try no one will ever love me. I'm just a man who will go through life alone. A joke. A failure at the only goal I put any value to.

This is all just a waste of time. My job, my school, everything. I have a million friends, but they aren't like me. To any liberals out there I would suggest getting/staying out of Dallas, it is a waste of life. This city knaws at me, day in and day out. Everyone just wants to run around and better themselves, they don't care about anyone, they just want to make a cheap buck, to find a scapgoat.

So, I'm a failure when it comes to just finding someone like me, someone to share my time with.

I suppose I'm just a broken part, never to have been loved, never to be loved.

I just want to curl up and sleep, sleep forever.

"I have no fear of death.

It just means dreaming in silence.

A dream that lasts for eternity."

At least in dreams I can fool myself that hope still exists.

*slightly drunk, been drinking since I last posted*

Quite a good idea, find something I'm good at.

I'm good a my job, by all accounts I am actually GREAT at it.

I'm good at alot of things, but it doesn't make me any more like them. It doesn't make the world spin in a different direction. In the end, I am not like them, I am left with a whole lot of me, and nothing else, other people don't care that I can do my job well, others don't care that I have a good GPA, in the end there is something missing, something that defines reality, that is what I don't have, something that everyone else keys off of, that thing that brings people togeather, I've always lacked that thing.

there isalways something to live for believe me. i should kw. ive tried t kill myself on inumerable occasions because of onething or another.

but i learnt that it doesnt solve anything and it just creates more probelms for you if it fails

xxx

ahahah

heeheheeh....., fail/? not likelly

this is Texsa, the homeland of guns

if I eat this round, not likely, even if I did wouldn't be in a place to care

i promise you that nothing will help you- well not commiting suicide. its the cowards way out o a problm that can be solved very very easily. i promise you. it took me 3 years of counselling to see that i didnt need to die to make everything right again. its an abrupt end that will couse your family so much grief and suffering

Well I'm afraid I don't agree with the "cowards way out" part - but otherwise what everyone has said is very true. You start thinking about suicide when you have no other way to stop the pain that you are experiencing. Once the pain exceeds your ability to cope thats when you are in real trouble.

We need to work on bringing your pain down to a manageble level. Will you contact a counselor to help you with the issues that are driving you to this conclusion? There are many compassionate people out there willing to lend a hand if you will allow us.

avman

You're pretty funny, jester. I too live in a cowboy populated town, Tulsa. I have a lot of conservative and liberal beliefs; so I try to find common ground when talking politics. But I avoid it usually. And it is frustrating to feel you are alone. I feel that way all the time.

I was going to post a similar thread to yours just a couple of days ago; we're in sync. I have felt that this world doesn't even want me in it. I have felt that this world has even taunted me to end it all. And if I am forced to find solace from some commercial website, then I must really be alone and desperate. So here I am, alone and desperate.

But here I am today; ready to take this world's abuse one more day. America is at a crossroads right now. We must trim our fat and be conscious of our brothers and sisters around us. This place can make me sick; don't get me started on politics. I just don't want to live in a world where lying and deception is rewarded with the Presidency of my country. So, what am I going to do?

I hold many people in high esteem, like Martin Luther King, Norma Rae, Jesus, and many, many others. I think about the good people that have graced this world; I start to learn about their struggles and how they fought against so much antagonism. I try and look around everyday to see the good that people do. And you know what? It's there. You have to actively look though. Good people are out there, everywhere.

The deeper this pain in you is, the more your heart is trying to tell you something. But instead of ending it, make a dream, a hope. Even if that dream is fantastical like world peace. Make it and pursue it. Actively pursue your dream. The road will be long and hard; but it will be your true path to follow. It will put people in perspective and you may just begin to meet people with similar goals. This life ain't easy; it's a lot of work. But work toward that desired feeling; that's why you're feeling that. Even if working toward your dream sends you through fire and brimstone, you will be making this place that much better.

Take some deep breaths; look at the beauty of the world. It's there. You may want to get involved in some artistic pursuits. Take some community art courses or get involved in a community theater. You will meet some fellow liberals even in Dallas. You have to work at it though. Doing nothing makes you that much more depressed; or at least it does for me. I may not have the answer you are looking for; but you alone truly have that inside you.

By the way, I think highly of this website. But most of the problems that people have are much too big to be helped through type on a computer screen. People must treat other people better. Give love to those around you, even if they don't give it back. Just keep giving it. Meet people; as a race, we must relate to each other. It is imperative in this e-world, where isolation runs rampant. Mingle; volunteer to be a stage hand in a play; you'll learn some things and meet some folks. Learn tap dancing; ask a fellow classmate to get a coffee. It will happen.

Don't just wish to survive this world; fight to change it for good. The power of good needs all the support it can get these days. Seriously. So pound your fist on the table and the next time someone says something negative; change it to a positive. It's a puzzle; enjoy the path. You don't have to be a Christian to be good. They don't own that. Being good isn't about Bible thumping or preaching; it's buying your coworker a soda just to say have a nice day.

It's smiling; not to hide your sadness, but to simply give joy. Tell a joke; with pain comes humor. Trust me on that. With a name like jester, I'm sure you've ripped a few jokes in your time. Out with it. Keep it up. Don't let anyone take your humor away from you.

If this world doesn't greet you with open arms; then you just open your arms and greet the world. Maybe, just maybe, this old world is depressed and needs some lovin' from its humans, from you.

Drinking's cool; but it will drown you sooner or later. Watch out for that and have a fantastic day. Spread some love. Peace.

Amen benchwarmer,

That is some fabulous insight and an inspiration to all. Thank you very much for your post. I hope you will continue to offer your insight both here and other places in your life. If the world had more people like you in it there would be a LOT fewer problems.

avman