A question about people with depression

I tried to put this in Emotions and Feelings but I kept going round in circles with the links so I've ended up in here. Sorry Admin.

My mother has suffered from depression for many years. She refuses to seek help and denies she even has it.

For some reason, it didn't seem to bother me when I was living at home but over the last 12 years since I left home, I find it's affecting me more and more.

I become anxious as soon as I hear her voice when she's depressed but more so I'm feeling increasingly frustrated and angry. Mainly because she refuses to seek help but also because I'm fed up of feeling guilty all the time when I've done nothing wrong.

My question is, should I tell my mother how her depression affects me? I'm wondering because if she isn't feeling depressed, my revelation will plunge her into one or if she is already feeling depressed, goodness knows what will happen! So, do I tell her or get therapy for myself in order to learn the tools necessary to help me cope with her depression?

Thanks for your help.

Hello Abby,

I think your post is a very interesting one because it illustrates just how much depression affects other people surrounding the one who has it.

Its going to be very hard to convince your mother to get help if she just doesn't feel she needs it. Being a loving daughter all you can really do is encourage, recommend, hint, etc at it. Perhaps you could speak to one of your mother's friends and see if they would speak to your mother. Sometimes parents have a tough time taking advice from their children.

If it gets to the point where you feel she is a danger to herself, well then you may be able to take some action without her consent. This is a difficult and traumatic thing to have to do - but is sometimes necessary. I get the feeling it is not to that point yet for you, but keep this in mind.

Do you have other siblings? Perhaps all of you could have a family conference with her to express your concerns? Kind of an "intervention" of sorts? Or perhaps if she goes to church you could speak to a pastor there or somebody she respects.

If you find it is really affecting you then by all means you should seek some therapy to help you. I do know how easy it is to have someone who is depressed actually drag you down there with them. So having some help on your end will definitely be a good thing.

I hope this helps you. I do hope things work out well for you and your mother.

Oh, and don't worry. I will relocate this post for you

avman

Hello Abby...

I decided to respond for two reasons...first, I am a mom (my son is 17) who has recently been treated for depression.

To get to your question, "Should I tell my mom how her depression is effecting me"...I'd say yes, tell her...or simply talk about how you feel with her.

My son didn't need to say anything. I couldn't stand being depressed so I was self-driven to do something about it. However, watching my son worry over my behavior and actions made me even more determined to take care of it.

Regardless of what your mom does, counseling would probably be beneficial to you. Simply understanding that your mom is going to be how she is regardless of how you feel about it would ease your feelings of responsibility. If you can just accept her as she is, good and bad, it would be easier for you.

Second....my father, like your mother, battles depression and refuses to recognize he has a problem. I have talked and talked with him about it but it's like talking to a brick wall. So to deal with his issues I went to counseling, and I've have had to adopt the thought ..."that's how dad is" because there is nothing else I can do.

Hang in there Abby. You can only do so much and bottom line is, your mom has to take care of herself and you have to take care of you.