Where do women rate stability and maturity?

There seems to be this theory that females are attracted to guys who have a certain "jerk" factor in their personality which seems to imply that to be stable and mature isn't an attractive trait in men for women. The assumption is that women want to have a guy who they "can't" get as opposed to a guy that they can "get". It is often called "the challenge factor". If that is true, why wouldn't women desire a guy who is nice, stable, and mature? Just wondering because where do women rate stability and maturity? Are these charaacteristics desirable?

hey.

i know what your talking off, and ok heres my opinions:

i think for me personally there are times that i go into relationships that are not serious and possibly a challange but i wouldnt say that i head out for these people and not for others. i go for people that a i truly like and maturity is deffinitley a factor. to me a relationship is to be taken seriously and for me to gain a higher set of emotions and be hurt easily by someone in it for a different reason then i try to avoid this.

there are times where you just enjoy what life shows, if theres a chase then thats so, but i would say these factors are dismissed, not lightly anyway.

each individual is different i guess to me its important to others, age may matter, life status and its events. sometimes people console in others and are there as more simpler factors when in need. everything makes this vary.

well thats my two cents, hope it makes sense.

kel

It's less a case of security and maturity than confidence and attitude - an attitude that says "I'm worth some attention myself, even if I'm interested, I expect some effort on your part too!" What I term the "princess treatment" might win a girl - but it's literally just that, it's winning her, "courting her favor" in a way she's on top and KNOWS it. And that simply can't keep anyone who's used to having to work for what they want interested for long. There's a LOT more self esteem and attraction to be had from being "chosen" by a guy you've had to put equal effort into as opposed to one who fixates on you so immediately the rest of the world no longer exists. Think a minute - which makes you ultimately feel more worthy - a girl who showers you with attention, or one who has several guys looking for the same attention she decides to give only to you? It may seem silly, childish, etc. Unfortunately it's human nature that most of us have a competitive streak when it comes to the opposite sex, and get a bigger boost from attention hard won from someone who could obviously (to our mind) have anyone (I have all these guys wanting me, but... I'm choosing you) than someone who simply worships the ground we walk on (I saw you and that's it, you're awesome). One simply makes us feel we have more of a "something special" IN COMPARISON to everyone else. The other is just being "singled out" without any idea of what we did, or who we were "better" than, to warrant the attention.

Yes, the overwhelming attention is nice in the beginning - but it wears off. What do you value more - the first car you busted your butt working jobs all summer for, even if the paint wasn't just right, and it was halfway to the grave, or the one your parents handed down to you, even if it was a bit nicer? Why, the one you busted your butt for of course - the work invested, and "winning" that prize - gave it more value.

Perfect situation is where both the guy AND girl have to put forth effort in the little "courting and mating" rituals. Both making an effort to be noticed - and both reaping the rewards of the results. A healthy give and take and repartee is lively, interesting, and keeps the feeling of earning that thing you value alive.

The "jerk factor" only comes in because, especially younger guys who are still trying to build confidence - girls too - tend to extremes in ways. So it's the ones who can be jerks (male and female) that manage to give that good vibe of attention earned - and the ones who fall in your lap who won't ultimately keep your interest, because you're not being "encouraged" to do your share of the "work" to earn the results you're getting. This, btw, is also the allure of the "shy" guys and girls - it's not so obvious when the attraction is returned - so it's sweeter when the indication the attraction is mutual is finally "won."

Wow, I rambled!

Yes, many women value stable and mature...women who are themselves stable and mature.

Many confused and/or immature women confuse stable (which along with it comes a certain polite and non-hostile demeanor) with weak. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that stable and mature go hand-in-hand with lack of confidence, or too much "niceness." In fact, it's just the opposite. A stable and mature man can turn into one very rough and tough guy if someone is taking advantage of him. A girl who treats a mature man badly will find out very quickly that's he's not a wimp who will sit there and take it.

Question is, do you want a selfish, immature game-player, or a real woman? If you want the real thing, continue being your mature and stable self and actively dump any women who are less than what you want. This is the only way to eventually get a good one. When you have this selective approach, you are also guaranteed to not come on too strong too early, because you are evaluating them as much as they are evaluating you.

Women are attracted to guys in two different areas; Lovers, and Providers.

With that said, you're comment about women dating jerks is exactly accurate. But rather then feeling sorry for yourself (if you are, i dunno) and saying it's a women flaw, you should look at the attitudes of these so-called "jerks". They project confidence...you can start to spin off the cliches like,

"some ppl walk into the room and say 'here i am', while others walk into the room and say, 'there you are'"

But you should just start approaching women with the attitude of, "you're a pretty face, but i need much more then that...what do you have to offer me?" That attitude is not a 'jerk' attitude. It's a confident one that says, "i am the selector here...why should i be interested in you". Don't say that, but convery that you don't date just anybody...you are selective and are in a sense, interviewing her!

"your in my world now"

Cheers!

Bill

Well i have always been known by all my friends to go for the guys who are confident and sometimes too cocky about themselves, can get a lot of girls and yes are at times a BIG JERK! I always ask myself why i don't go for a guy who can handle a mature relationship and who is sweet and caring, and for some reason i always find myself attracted to the guys who offer a challenge. Maybe because i feel like when i get them i can change them and i like the challenge of trying to do that...uhh...i hate when guys are too clingy yet i also get very annoyed with guys who don't pay enough attention to me. So I don't know what i like. The boyfriend i'm with now, i played the game for three years until he finally became interested in me and i felt like i obtained my goal...but i feel like i still have the challenge of turning him into my dream guy ...i think maybe that's a bad thing since we shouldn't "change people" ...anyways, and maybe with a nice guy girls feel like there is no challenge for them...and for me, the challenge is probably the most interesting part...i teng to notice too that younger girls are the ones who go for the "jerks" and then as we grow older we go for the "relationship" type.

I think that a lot of times women view men who are stable and mature as "boring." I am not saying that they are boring by any means, but some women want relationships like they see in the movies, and they don't realize that romance is not acually affiliated with the unstable.

There is also the possibility that, if a woman is not ready to settle down herself, she will subconsciously pursue relationships that she knows will not become serious.

And finally, I believe there are also many women who don't realize that there are stable men out there. I hear some women bashing all men when the truth is that they are just dating the wrong ones.