Is this ok?(advice please)

I haven't talked with my ex-girlfriend in two weeks. I'm trying to do the whole break all contact with her thing and hope that she calls me wanting me back. However i was wondering if i left a message on her machine and she called back would that be ok? I know she is in class now(she goes to bowling green university) so i will get the machine. Cuz if she didn't want to talk she would not call me back...right? I kinda had some things to tell her anyway which were kinda important. About a new job and an accident i was in...she would want to know those things. ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to do the whole break all contact with her thing and hope that she calls me wanting me back.

You're not suppose to hope that she calls you back. You're breaking all contact in order to let go and move on. IF she calls you, then that's fine. If you leave a message and she calls back then she'd be calling you only cause you called her. Don't you want her to call you out of her own free will? That's why you've been breaking contact with her right? She might return your message, but it might be out of guilt. So don't call her. You'll just be sitting by the phone waiting for her to call and prolonging your agony. Write her a letter, but dont send it, keep a journal, go work out and be strong. good luck, bro.

leaving a message is contact dude. lol, dont do it for your own good. I did not talk to my ex for almost two months then she called me for a full night before i returned her calls the next day after i got off work. Moral now she wants to work on things as soon as she cleans up a little mess she created. I still dont call or contact her. U look needy by contacting them.

Bro get real busy. No joke you have to keep busy or this will tortue you. Work out, go out with friends, get a hobby, but dont wait for the phone to ring, it could be a while. Two weeks is no time except when ur the person waiting for the call

Don't call her, my ex called me a million times, he's the one who broke up w/me, and now he keeps calling me, but I don't pick up...!

Don't call, you're both suppose to move on, calling will just confuse the whole process...Hang in there!

thanx all.

i kinda thought the same thing..u even think i shouldn't tell her about the job and the accident stuff.I did promise her i would let her know about the job thing the night we broke up...and she wanted me to call her and let her know about the job, she wanted me to promise, cuz she said she still did care about me alot. this sux man i got so much *beep* goin on right now i dont know what to do replies please!!

Don't call. I know it's hard. Make a bargin with yourself, if you make it through today without calling her, then maybe you'll let yourself do it tomorrow. The longer you hold out the better. What if you call her and tell her what's up, and she acts cold and uncaring, like you are bothering her with this information? You'll feel much worse.

Whatever you need to say to her, write it down and keep it somewhere, don't send it.

Truthfully, I'm not sure that the not calling and letting her miss you thing works the same for girls as it does for guys, so if you are hoping for her back, I don't think this will work. On the other hand, when a guy calls a lot after a break up, he looks desparate and pathetic, and women want a strong man. I would hold out as long as possible, then maybe call her and tell her what you wanted to tell her, when you are ready to accept the fact that she might reject you. If she is at least friendly, maybe invite her out for a quick dinner to catch up. You might be able to read what is going on a lot better in person than over the phone.

While it would probably be far better for you to let go, I know it's hard, and I know that you'll only listen to the advice you want to hear (that's how I am anyway!) So if you choose to ignore the "just forget about her" advice, follow the "wait as long as you can" advice!

Good luck!

I'd say by not offering her the information, you will give her a chance to wonder what is going on in your life. If she really IS interested in what's going on in your life, it will give her an opportunity to call you and then you can see where the conversation leads. Don't expect it may lead anywhere on the first call, she may need time to digest the feeling of it and think through some more. But also, the way I see it, if someone cuts me out of their life, do they deserve to still know what's going on in mine?

I know it's hard. It was six weeks of no contact for me yesterday. But I have reason to believe he's recently thinking about it. In the meantime, I have done my best to envision life without him, and now although it's obviously not how I wished it would've turned out, I'm looking forward to my future, and I'm even starting to have mixed feeling about wanting him back at this point. Never thought I'd see the day...

You will find that the fear of increasing estrangement will tempt you to call and smooth over the awkwardness when a few weeks have passed with no contact, but don't do it. You may find that your feelings will have changed in a few weeks once you've allowed yourself to step away and look at the big picture. The temptation passes, or at least happens FAR less frequently.

You may feel like, "Hey, we're both adults, this seems silly." But it's not. If you are truly friends too, you will have contact again another day. That rationalization is like a smoker going back to cigarettes after several weeks (long after the physical addiction has been broken). It's a psychological addiction to another person. I've written SO many emails that I never sent, and now I'm glad I didn't. But it was a good outlet.

From my own experience, a long time ago I dated a guy that wasn't ready. I told him I loved him, he didn't say it back, etc. He pretty much blew off the relationship after nine months. I was devastated--couldn't see life without him. Took me two years of no contact to stop thinking of him nostalgicly (less and less over time). In the meantime I did date other people. Three years after the breakup I came accross his number in an old phone book and out of curiosity, called him. We were a couple of states away but started seeing each other. But this time the tables turned--it eventually worked out that his feeling became far more than mine. He loved me, wanted me to move to New York to be with him, etc. Eventually, I blew him off. Wrong, but true. Bottom line, the line is never severed. Don't fear the no contact thing. There is always the phone and it will still work months from now. If you truly have a good foundation, that option is always there. But give yourself a chance to heal. You may find that your feelings have changed and that given a chance to step away, you may realize this person really wasn't the right person for you, even though you were convinced at the time. That's how it went for me, and I'm glad now.

The other advantage is that it will allow you to truly have a fresh start. When you're in the throws of a breakup, emotions are running high and your actions may be more reactions to a sense of loss than anything. If you both truly have chemistry, it will still be there a few months down the road.

Besides, chasing a running person only makes them run faster.

This was a little long, but I hope it helps. I sympathize with you. I know it's hard, but I'm a few weeks ahead of you and trust me, it does get easier. You'll still have your moments of despair, but overall the feeling gets far more positive. Hang in there. And don't call...

By the way, I guess this applies to anyone who wants their ex back. About my quote...I've made that mistake. We took a "semi" no contact break before. I kept him on my buddy list on instant messanger and we chatted here and there over a few weeks. About five weeks into it, he was all about hooking up "for real" this time. I told him I was scared to, and he said I didn't need to be scared this time. But because I didn't feel I should rub his nose in it, I let him back into the fold without much resistance or questions. Within two months he started to get flaky again. Clearly he still wasn't ready, something I could've found out if I had investigated further in the beginning, or had at least taken things slower rather than jumping back on the bandwagon.

Four months into it, I confronted him about the flakiness and he said he loves me, anybody would envy our relationship, doesn't know what he wants, but doesn't want to break up. Then he blew me off for a week and a half, and when I sent him an olive branch email, his one sentence response was that he needs to just sit back for awhile. I wrote back, sounds cool to me too. And he hasn't seen hide nor hair from me since. No calls, nothing. We're computer consultants so we use AOL IM all week at work and saw each other on there constantly. Not only do I have him blocked on my instant messanger this time, NO ONE that is not on my buddy list can see me now. That way he can't use someone else's login. GONE. Completely. You don't know what you want? Then go find it...

Point is, had I asked a few pointed questions before this second go-round, I could've saved myself a bunch of crap. I thought the "making them work for it" was game playing, but I can see now why it makes good sense. It ensures that they're not simply reacting out of a sense of loss that will vanish once they have you back. And by getting to the root of why they left to begin with, you have the opportunity to ensure that that condition does not still exist.

If you're worried that dredging up all that crap "from before" will ruin your fresh beginning, well, if they're serious, it won't. They'll be happy to explain themselves and show you that they have changed for the better. If it does drive them away, then you HAVE to wonder about their sincerety and better to find out now than months down the road. They may be truly sincere when they're saying they want you back, but if they can't handle the fact that you need to clear the air on the old stuff to ensure it doesn't happen again, then they simply will not have the longevity to hang in there. Think about it, if there's ANY time they should be motivated to alleviate your concerns, it's when they're trying to get back with you. If they're not comfortable bringing up "the past" then once the relationship has settled and you have something you need to talk about, they will be even less motivated to talk things through. Do youself a favor and weed them out early on. Granted, don't rub their nose in it, but stand up for yourself and your concerns out of a matter of protecting yourself from further harm. And still take it slow to be sure that their actions are matching up with their words.