addiction poem

one day without meth

is a living hell

but it beats

sitting in jail

my bodys so tense

my heart is so sore

and all i want is

for someone to give me more

Why does my body

contradict my brain

why can't i think straight

so i can stay sane!

I have all this help around

and i still cant deal

i dont belong here

thats how i feel

Maybe one day

I'll pick up a blade

press hard on my wrist

and my life will fade

On my vein is pressure

my whole wrist is sore

I gasp as i see a gapin wound

and a blood-drenched floor

i feel weak

as it runs out of me

the meth demon was here

it wouldnt let me be

As my life is still hangin on

i think what was so terribly wrong?

I wish to myself

Nobody else will sing my sad song.

I feel my life slipping away

as i slowly hit my knees

I see the trees blowing

and feel a gentle breeze

I hear a screan

from so very far

they grab my lifeless body

and put me in a car

Rushing, Rushing, Rushing

everythings so fast

everything ever good

is now in the past

I hear a doctor

and the only thing he said

was Ma'amim sorry

but she's dead

How could i do this

to everyone who had so much love

i wish they knew Im flying

Im now as free as a dove

my body no longer

fiends and aches

i no longer get sweats

or the shakes

I feel so good

im all free from meth

that demon whore

who brought me to my death

All my life

my pain was self-inflicted

all because

i was addicted

But that first day

I had 2 decisions

i caused the sleepless nights

and the scary visions

The creepy sounds

and the smoke all around

look at me now

im nowhere to be found

mommy and daddy

i wish i could pay you back

for the money i stole

to get me a sack

and the pain ive caused

i know what you went thro wasnt so great

but kno the things i did

was not out of hate

I was just blind

by how far i was

I wish i could remember

by my mind is fuzz

Im sorry to everyone

I hurt or stole from

Just so that I-

I always had some

Im sorry to myself

for not quitting for good

but the addiction

doesnt let you do what you should

I hope you know

before you dare

dont try it ever

cause tina dont kare!

cuz shell hold u in

with such great power

shell kill your soul

and make you sour

look at me now

only a empty soul

meth left me empty

and stuck in a hole

Dont think you are different

no matter how many people bitchin

about how it wont hurt you

cuz theres no fighting back to addiction!

Very sad poem. I know exactly how you feel. If you are still here tomorrow, I will share a poem that I wrote in my addictions as well.

It is sad......like yours. Both of our poems end with death being the only escape, but I am here to tell you that you can beat it. I did, and so can you, you just have to want it. PM me if you want, and we can talk.

big cyber hugs!

PS. It just occurred to me that maybe you didn't write this and you are just posting it. ;-) You didn't say it was your poem. Is it?

A

this is definitly my poem. and i definitly wrote it about me and how i feel. i actually wrote this a couple weeks ago and are just now posting it. my thoughts still the same and the addiction is kiking harder and harder i would love to read some of your poems on it too its great to be able to share!

I didn't wanna read passed the brownish text, I did read the last bit though, very good poem. Well, I take it from this your in re-hab, I hope you dont relaps is all, I'm kind of on uncertain grounds as to what I should say. Well good luck with it, just dont forget you are not the only one who has fallen into this hole there are others that have as well.

EDITED: well I sucked it up and read it, it wasn't horrible, I thought your poem might end graphicly but it didn't =D that's a good sign isnt it?

lol yeah it is a good sign i guess..thanks for your reply!!

Hi again. Here is what I wrote in the storm of my addictions.

Silence swells in the room, lingering are so many words unsaid.

War torn hearts holding hands in the black cold summer night.

Neither one knowing what love is, with failure in every attempt.

Vacant souls clinging out of desperation, seeking life and human touch.

Together, the eye of the storm enters the room bringing a window of peace.

Black then lightens to a dark shade of grey.

Slivers of light appear so brief and dim.

Mingled in passion, the cold tides slide out.

Haunted and consumed with consfusion, it beckons the darkness to return in haste.

There is a strange feeling of comfort and is a welcome old friend.

Echos of the memory, and hopes linger like an evasive dream.

Ripples of the future dissapate before reaching a destination.

Illusions are stripped away, passion and wishes again bound with realities.

Freezing dark waters flood back to engulf me.

A chilling reminder that happiness and peace don't know who I am.

Then the lover that divides all lovers, returns to reclaim its own.

If I am cold or lonely, he will give me warmth and comfort.

In a crowd I feel alone, alone with him and I feel complete and whole.

He is a warrior, and sworn with blood in his commitment to me.

Loneliness is a distant memory in his intense embrace.

All other lovers are shadows in the dark.

His love is possessive, and only allows brief moments with others.

He goes by many names, most know him as addiction.

His jealously just won't allow room for three.

Insistant that death will only come while holding me close in his arms.

(end)

Reading back on this seems like lifetimes ago, but I still remember, I remember enough not to go back. I was always so angry that I was dead, but alive, and never had the courage to end the insanity. I am glad now that I didn't. There is a whole new life waiting for you. An amazing life. Don't let it take you....dead or alive! ;-)

A

It's me again.

I also wanted to share with you some hope. I ended up going to an all Native Treatment center. I am not native, and I have to say I was a bit intimidated by it all. I led a double life and didn't live on the rough side at all, so .....fear is the basis of predjudices and I wasn't going to let that rule me. Plus I was desperate for help. I was losing everything and everybody.

It was the most amazing experience in my life. There was a sweat lodge there, and the most interesting medicine man that was the pipe holder and conducted the sweat lodge. I came alive when I was there in just 42 days. The native people are so spiritual and I am always so glad that I didn't chicken out. Here is a poem I wrote for the medicine man.

They pray with sweet grass and that is what is meant by "smoke"

written for Phillip, the medicine man at Wah Pow 02/13/02

The New Warrior

We came to this land, running from ourselves,

searching out a brand new day, desperate for a new way.

The land was cruel and unforgiving,

A gentle hand appeared, we kept living.

Food, life, laughter and song,

These were the gifts, nothing seemed wrong.

We are the future, the way, the light.

Wise Chiefs said NO, then came the fight.

Skies grew dark from clouds of dust,

Blood ran in the rain from the white man's lust.

They soon learned well, our right white ways,

Lying, drinking, how to betray.

The spirit of the Eagle fell silent, asleep,

Mother Earth watched on, and painfully weeped.

Old men asked in the midst of smoke,

Why the eagle sleeps, where is the hope?

A new day will come, a new warrior will rise,

They will remind our people, erase all the lies.

Keep forgiving the savage white,

They know not what they have done,

Do know that Eagle spirit lives,

Hidden by the sun.

end)

Just don't lose faith that there is no way out. I found myself in the most peculiar unexpected place.

A

wow great poems!! thanks for the help i really enjoyed it i will try hard to fight back to this addiction and one day i will be in your place helping people like you are now. i go to this website that helps revoerying addicts if you wanted to check it out link removed

Excellent site. Maybe I will see you there.!

C

hope so!!

Girl... I tottally understand your pain. It sucks being addicted to something. I used drugs, and I ruined my life. I have been sober for 4 months actually today. It seems like I've come a long way but theres still a lot more to go. Everything will go okay for you though. Are you still using? I wish the best for you I really do.

Abby

Write back anytime