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Thread: addiction poem

  1. #1
    Member swtangel980's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003

    addiction poem

    one day without meth
    is a living hell
    but it beats
    sitting in jail

    my bodys so tense
    my heart is so sore
    and all i want is
    for someone to give me more

    Why does my body
    contradict my brain
    why can't i think straight
    so i can stay sane!

    I have all this help around
    and i still cant deal
    i dont belong here
    thats how i feel

    Maybe one day
    I'll pick up a blade
    press hard on my wrist
    and my life will fade

    On my vein is pressure
    my whole wrist is sore
    I gasp as i see a gapin wound
    and a blood-drenched floor

    i feel weak
    as it runs out of me
    the meth demon was here
    it wouldnt let me be

    As my life is still hangin on
    i think what was so terribly wrong?
    I wish to myself
    Nobody else will sing my sad song.

    I feel my life slipping away
    as i slowly hit my knees
    I see the trees blowing
    and feel a gentle breeze

    I hear a screan
    from so very far
    they grab my lifeless body
    and put me in a car

    Rushing, Rushing, Rushing
    everythings so fast
    everything ever good
    is now in the past

    I hear a doctor
    and the only thing he said
    was Ma'amim sorry
    but she's dead

    How could i do this
    to everyone who had so much love
    i wish they knew Im flying
    Im now as free as a dove

    my body no longer
    fiends and aches
    i no longer get sweats
    or the shakes

    I feel so good
    im all free from meth
    that demon
    who brought me to my death

    All my life
    my pain was self-inflicted
    all because
    i was addicted

    But that first day
    I had 2 decisions
    i caused the sleepless nights
    and the scary visions

    The creepy sounds
    and the smoke all around
    look at me now
    im nowhere to be found

    mommy and daddy
    i wish i could pay you back
    for the money i stole
    to get me a sack

    and the pain ive caused
    i know what you went thro wasnt so great
    but kno the things i did
    was not out of hate

    I was just blind
    by how far i was
    I wish i could remember
    by my mind is fuzz

    Im sorry to everyone
    I hurt or stole from
    Just so that I-
    I always had some

    Im sorry to myself
    for not quitting for good
    but the addiction
    doesnt let you do what you should

    I hope you know
    before you dare
    dont try it ever
    cause tina dont kare!

    cuz shell hold u in
    with such great power
    shell kill your soul
    and make you sour

    look at me now
    only a empty soul
    meth left me empty
    and stuck in a hole

    Dont think you are different
    no matter how many people in
    about how it wont hurt you
    cuz theres no fighting back to addiction!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Very sad poem. I know exactly how you feel. If you are still here tomorrow, I will share a poem that I wrote in my addictions as well.

    It is sad......like yours. Both of our poems end with death being the only escape, but I am here to tell you that you can beat it. I did, and so can you, you just have to want it. PM me if you want, and we can talk.

    big cyber hugs!

    PS. It just occurred to me that maybe you didn't write this and you are just posting it. ;-) You didn't say it was your poem. Is it?


  3. #3
    Member swtangel980's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    this is definitly my poem. and i definitly wrote it about me and how i feel. i actually wrote this a couple weeks ago and are just now posting it. my thoughts still the same and the addiction is kiking harder and harder i would love to read some of your poems on it too its great to be able to share!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    I didn't wanna read passed the brownish text, I did read the last bit though, very good poem. Well, I take it from this your in re-hab, I hope you dont relaps is all, I'm kind of on uncertain grounds as to what I should say. Well good luck with it, just dont forget you are not the only one who has fallen into this hole there are others that have as well.

    EDITED: well I sucked it up and read it, it wasn't horrible, I thought your poem might end graphicly but it didn't =D that's a good sign isnt it?


  6. #5
    Member swtangel980's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    lol yeah it is a good sign i guess..thanks for your reply!!

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Hi again. Here is what I wrote in the storm of my addictions.

    Silence swells in the room, lingering are so many words unsaid.
    War torn hearts holding hands in the black cold summer night.
    Neither one knowing what love is, with failure in every attempt.
    Vacant souls clinging out of desperation, seeking life and human touch.
    Together, the eye of the storm enters the room bringing a window of peace.

    Black then lightens to a dark shade of grey.
    Slivers of light appear so brief and dim.
    Mingled in passion, the cold tides slide out.

    Haunted and consumed with consfusion, it beckons the darkness to return in haste.

    There is a strange feeling of comfort and is a welcome old friend.
    Echos of the memory, and hopes linger like an evasive dream.
    Ripples of the future dissapate before reaching a destination.
    Illusions are stripped away, passion and wishes again bound with realities.
    Freezing dark waters flood back to engulf me.
    A chilling reminder that happiness and peace don't know who I am.

    Then the lover that divides all lovers, returns to reclaim its own.

    If I am cold or lonely, he will give me warmth and comfort.
    In a crowd I feel alone, alone with him and I feel complete and whole.
    He is a warrior, and sworn with blood in his commitment to me.
    Loneliness is a distant memory in his intense embrace.
    All other lovers are shadows in the dark.
    His love is possessive, and only allows brief moments with others.
    He goes by many names, most know him as addiction.
    His jealously just won't allow room for three.
    Insistant that death will only come while holding me close in his arms.


    Reading back on this seems like lifetimes ago, but I still remember, I remember enough not to go back. I was always so angry that I was dead, but alive, and never had the courage to end the insanity. I am glad now that I didn't. There is a whole new life waiting for you. An amazing life. Don't let it take you....dead or alive! ;-)


  8. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    It's me again.

    I also wanted to share with you some hope. I ended up going to an all Native Treatment center. I am not native, and I have to say I was a bit intimidated by it all. I led a double life and didn't live on the rough side at all, so .....fear is the basis of predjudices and I wasn't going to let that rule me. Plus I was desperate for help. I was losing everything and everybody.

    It was the most amazing experience in my life. There was a sweat lodge there, and the most interesting medicine man that was the pipe holder and conducted the sweat lodge. I came alive when I was there in just 42 days. The native people are so spiritual and I am always so glad that I didn't chicken out. Here is a poem I wrote for the medicine man.

    They pray with sweet grass and that is what is meant by "smoke"

    written for Phillip, the medicine man at Wah Pow 02/13/02

    The New Warrior

    We came to this land, running from ourselves,
    searching out a brand new day, desperate for a new way.

    The land was cruel and unforgiving,
    A gentle hand appeared, we kept living.

    Food, life, laughter and song,
    These were the gifts, nothing seemed wrong.

    We are the future, the way, the light.
    Wise Chiefs said NO, then came the fight.

    Skies grew dark from clouds of dust,
    Blood ran in the rain from the white man's lust.

    They soon learned well, our right white ways,
    Lying, drinking, how to betray.

    The spirit of the Eagle fell silent, asleep,
    Mother Earth watched on, and painfully weeped.

    Old men asked in the midst of smoke,
    Why the eagle sleeps, where is the hope?

    A new day will come, a new warrior will rise,
    They will remind our people, erase all the lies.

    Keep forgiving the savage white,
    They know not what they have done,
    Do know that Eagle spirit lives,
    Hidden by the sun.


    Just don't lose faith that there is no way out. I found myself in the most peculiar unexpected place.


  9. #8
    Member swtangel980's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    wow great poems!! thanks for the help i really enjoyed it i will try hard to fight back to this addiction and one day i will be in your place helping people like you are now. i go to this website that helps revoerying addicts if you wanted to check it out link removed

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Excellent site. Maybe I will see you there.!


  11. #10
    Member swtangel980's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    hope so!!

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